In your awardy Thursday media column: the recessiontastic magazine awards are here, newspaper meta-layoffs, Lenny Dykstra's canned, more justice for Chauncey Bailey, and advertising brainstorming:

Hello, I've just returned from a panel of some of our favorite dynamic media personalities: Daily Beastie Tina Brown! Bush roboflack Ari Fleischer! And the (charmingly?) doddering Peggy Noonan! Come explore the fun!

• The New York Times Co. has reached a "tentative agreement" with its union to impose a 5 percent pay cut on employees through the end of the year. [NYP]
• Disney's ABC is joining Fox and NBC and taking a stake in Hulu. [AdAge]
• As expected, Time Warner said it may spin off AOL. But it may end up selling it, too. Either way, Gerald Levin, Dick Parsons and Steve Case will still be responsible for the worst merger in American corporate history. [NYT]
• Viacom reported that first quarter profit dropped 34 percent amid falling revenue at both its film and TV networks businesses. [AP]
• Related: Viacom boss Sumner Redstone is as senile as ever. At the Milken conference in Beverly Hills, he said he wouldn't comment on his competitors before lashing out at Ted Turner, Rupert Murdoch, and Jay Leno. [THR]

How did plain-jane Treasury Secretary Timmy Geithner make People's "Most Beautiful People" list? His brother works there. Yea WE FIGURED. Because they totally left out Larry Summers. [Business Insider]

It's time to check in on the New York Times' 28 year-old reporter equal to any other, the heir to NYT throne, A.G. Sulzberger! He's writing about light bulbs:

Former New York Observer editor Peter Kaplan has landed at Condé Nast Traveler as the magazine's new creative director. [WWD]

After we ran a new sighting of (we thought) dormant con man/ party crasher Priyantha Silva, the tips poured in! He's still out and impersonating Hollywood people and creeping out women, as usual:

In your confuseday Tuesday Wednesday media column: Newspapers crumble, Clear Channel layoffs, total confusion in Wisconsin, and the NY Sun is just messing around:

• More trouble at Condé Nast: Ad pages at Vogue are down 31 percent this year and Vanity Fair experienced a 52 percent drop in May alone. The silver lining: Graydon Carter's lavish expense account remains unaffected. [NYP]
• The Sun really may be returning after all. As a website, that is. Seth Lipsky says "there's a business plan for the site in the formative stages." [Politico]
• This certainly isn't a good sign: It seems NBC is exploring the possibility of leasing out part of its headquarters in Washington D.C. [NYO]
• More desperate: NBC will air another season of Celebrity Apprentice. [THR]
• The Portfolio names/logos that never were (and more on its closing). [NYO]
• Al Roker will co-host a Weather Channel show called Wake Up With Al from 6 to 7 a.m. Because waking up with Al is what you've always dreamed of. [NYT]
• Oprah Winfrey's Twitter usage is way down. So much for that! [AdAge]

Don't despair, laid-off media types: you could still land this magazine editorial job. You'll never guess how much it pays:

It's not a great time to be a media conglomerate. Time Warner and Barry Diller's IAC both put out earnings this morning that are pretty painful. Especially for Time Inc.

Newspapers originally grew influential because they were the main source conveying information to the powerful elites about their business and political interests. And guess what? They're headed back that way! Screw democracy, etc.:

In your brittle Tuesday media column: Angry newspaper editors, starry-eyed newspaper veterans, desperate newspaper companies, and dead newspaper revivals. And, Portfolio's final party:

Oh look, a new study perfect for supporting any old opinion! Pew researchers found that half of American adults switch religion at least once—Catholics, out of conviction, and Protestants, out of laziness. Theory!

• William Morris and Endeavor have agreed to merge the two agencies. The new company will be called William Morris Endeavor Entertainment, or WME, which should not be confused with WWE, or World Wrestling Entertainment, although the testosterone and aggression levels are comparable. [WSJ, NYT]
• Is the New York Times Co. putting the radio station WQXR up for sale? [P6]
• David Hunke, who had been publisher of the Detroit Free Press, is the new president and publisher of USA Today. [PaidContent]
• The New York Sun is back! Sort of. [NYSun via Gawker]
• More coverage/ analysis of Portfolio's closing, if you're up for it. [NYT, TDB]

Here we are two days into the Swine Flu Panic of '09, and dead bodies have yet to be stacked up like cordwood on the streets of American cities. Face it: this story is dumb.

Are you excited for Barack Obama's network-bankrupting fourth prime time national TV address, in honor of his 100 days of Presidenting? Fox isn't! They will be playing their regular Wednesday programming.

Washing your hands hundreds of time: will it save you? From swine flu, maybe. But not from the pig disease death meme that has claimed the minds of many of our nation's television news stars!

Subscribe and get a FREE gift! [Portfolio.com]

In your bitter Monday media column: Newspaper circulation predictably declines, Martha Stewart is predictably scared of us, old people predictably get conned by media hustlers, and Portfolio's unpredictable burn rate: