We'll give you one guess: Which is the heaviest-drinking class of "professionals" in England? If you said "the media," you are well acquainted with the media's habits! In fact, we hear that some media workers here are going into the booze business as a dependable second job:

• How is Twitter going to make money? With a reality TV series, naturally. The show will involve "putting ordinary people on the trail of celebrities in a revolutionary competitive format," in case you were wondering. [Variety]
• The primetime lineups for next year "are chockablock with shows meant to make recession-weary viewers laugh and feel better." How encouraging! [NYT]
• Ratings are down for CNN's Anderson Cooper as well as for Roland Martin, who has been subbing for Campbell Brown recently. [Page Six]
• Bravo's next Real Housewives installment: Washington, DC. [Daily Intel]
• Fox News nut Greta Van Susteren may not be around for long. Rumor has it her contract won't be be renewed and Megyn Kelly will replace her. [NYT]
• New York lost close to $5 million last year; with ad pages down 37 percent thus far in 2009, "losses are expected to be even higher this year." [NYP]
• A Russian investment firm has dropped $200 million into Facebook's bank account in return for a 1.96 percent stake in the company. [NYT]
• Ben Stiller's Night at the Museum sequel beat out the fourth installment of the Terminator franchise with a four-day pull of $70 million. [Reuters]

Did you follow the news closely over the long weekend, loser? We hope not. It was all decades old.

The New York Times is charging face-first into the digital age! They're appointing a "Social Media Editor." It's Jennifer Preston, former editor of the recently-folded Regional Sections! Could this be the beginning of the end of the Golden Age of NYT Twittery? [UPDATED below]:

Back in January CNN's Soledad O'Brien, serving on the co-op board of her Chelsea building, signed the eviction notice for fellow resident Steven Lyon complaining about the "size, slobbering, shedding, drooling, gassiness and odors" of his Neapolitan Mastiff, Ugo. A Manhattan Housing Court judge has now dismissed the case.

Last night, New York Times LA bureau chief Jennifer Steinhauer had a party for her new book at the home of Sony Pictures CEO Michael Lynton. The additional drama: Her husband Edward Wyatt covers television for the Times! So what happened?

• Want to buy Playboy? Mail a check for $300 million to Hugh Hefner. [NYP]
• A look at the "highlights, lowlights and sidelights" from upfront week. [NYT]
• The Cannes Film Festival didn't stir up as much buzz as in years past, although industry types are hoping/praying that the worst is over. [WSJ]
• Tyra Banks will have 12 hours of airtime a week on the CW this fall; if she "gets hit by a car this year, the CW will have to go out of business." [NYP]
• Bruce will be the last act at Giants Stadium before it's demolished. [AP]
• T+L's new pro-travel ad campaign suggests people "please go away." [WWD]
• Vintage Books is promoting Netherland with a blurb by Barack Obama. [NYO]
• Jon Peters' tell-all about Hollywood sure sounds interesting! [DHD]

In your practically-weekend Friday media column: Playboy could be yours, Michael Kinsley wants to fight newsweeklies, a new type of journalism that will fail, and the police department will run your local paper OR ELSE:

This week, not without controversy, the television industry held its "upfronts," the annual circlejerk of advertisers, TV executives and media that everyone talks about, even though it's rare that anything newsworthy happens. But what wasn't discussed this week is that television as we know it is dying, and here's why.

Jennifer Steinhauer is the L.A. Bureau chief for the New York Times. Her husband is Times television reporter Ed Wyatt. Steinhauer's having a book party in LA tonight for her new novel, Beverly Hills Adjacent. The location of the party: the home of Sony Pictures CEO Michael Lynton. What?

In your bad-itudinal Thursday media column: Seymour Hersh hates newspapers, Paste Magazine makes bank, journalists deserve to be paid a mere pittance, and MissBehave's final goodbye email to staffers, which is not a very good one:

Reports surfaced recently that media mogul David Geffen had expressed an interest in buying a piece of the New York Times. As the story goes, Geffen had offered to buy Harbinger Capital Partners' 20 percent stake in the paper; but Harbinger, the hedge fund operated by Phil Falcone, had rejected the overture because it had been hoping for a higher price. Much was made of Geffen's attempt to snag a piece of the esteemed paper, what his true intentions were, and whether the DreamWorks co-founder had been hoping to shape the paper's coverage of Washington and Hollywood. It doesn't matter much now, since the deal doesn't appear to be moving ahead. In the meantime, though, let's all be thankful that Falcone's wife, Lisa, hasn't been making any efforts to influence the Times's fashion coverage. Click on the photo above to see Lisa at the NYCB spring gala the other night in all her glittery glory.

• American Idol's finale scored its lowest ratings ever for the 18-49 demo. Not that there's a chance Ryan Seacrest will be disappearing anytime soon. [THR]
• The CW has unveiled its fall lineup. As expected, the Gossip Girl spin-off isn't happening. A social media-centric ad campaign, however, is. [Variety, NYT]
• New York magazine is raising subscription rates. [Folio]
• Google is reorganizing its ad sales team and cutting a few jobs. [WSJ]
• Thanks to the $75K speaking fee Tom Friedman accepted (and returned), Times staffers have been reminded about the paper's ethics guidelines. [LAT]
• Paste Magazine hopes to survive by asking readers for donations. [Gawker]
• Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich wasn't permitted to appear on NBC's I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!, so his wife will do it instead. [THR]

This note went out to NYT staffers yesterday evening, in the wake of Tommy Friedman having to return a $75K speaking fee, because Tommy Friedman cannot read:

Do you fear that Print Is Dead? Allow America's most venerable human, Dave Eggers, to assure you—via email—that it is not:

Cool-girl mag MissBehave went online-only early this year, and now it sounds like the people who run the place are totally closing up shop, kaput, blammo, totally erased from the face of the earth, blog and all. If you know more on this, email us. [Blogue. UPDATE: Yes, it's dead.]

What's the worst part of the decline of newspapers? Oh maybe it's all the innocent people who will DIE. Every time you don't buy a paper you practically slip the noose around a condemned man's neck!

You hear about people finding out years after a one-night fling that they have a kid they never met, and you think, "Wild, but I can see how it happened." Then you hear about Larry King's "long lost" son, Larry King Jr., and you think, "Larry King is insane."

New York's journalist shield law may be extended to bloggers. We're drunk on power, legally!

In your warming Wednesday media column: Steve Forbes is in your pocket, insulting your bosses in your competitor's paper may damage your career, somebody fucking finally does not write an Obama book, and much more!: