• Kate Hudson comes to her senses (maybe) and realizes that Owen Wilson (possibly) is not the most stable choice (on earth). But is she ready to go back to a life of picking food out of Chris Robinson's beard? [Us Weekly]
• Did Paramount sever ties with Tom Cruise because he's a lunatic, or because the studio's short on cash? Not that the two are mutually exclusive. [Fox411]
• A shirtless picture of surprisingly hot Today show co-host Matt Lauer goes for five times as much as that of Matthew McConaughey. [TMZ]
• Quick question: Is there anyone or anything Nathan Lane won't talk shit about? Today, it's the Matthew Broderick bug that's climbed up Lane's ass, and the two may not work together again. [Page Six]
• 29-year-old virgin Sarah DiMuro's pristine hymen is the best thing to happen to Jane in years. [Lowdown]
• Bill Clinton takes Chelsea and the gang to Serendipity 3, Dylan's Candy Bar, and the Museum of Natural History. Afterwards, they boarded back on their big red bus and headed back to their hotel in Times Square. [Page Six]

[Update: Guess we have no right to post the image, and you have no right to drool over it without going to TMZ.]

"Let's wrap this up, Mr. Peanut's dick is riding right up my ass."

• The Village Voice's new EIC Erik Wemple changes his mind, quitting the gig before he had technically started. Not surprisingly, the New Times has fucked things beyond repair.
• Britney Spears assures Matt Lauer and the world that she's just as pathetic as we all suspected, if not worse. (YouTube then slaps us and takes away our video.)
• Finally, Page Six finds someone to accept their job offer, it's just not who you'd expect: Post City desker Bill Hoffman.
• Hour Media buys Absolute; the mag's audience of rich people shrug, go about with their usual, rich-people lives.
• Rite-Aid removes Shock from its newsstands, arguing that the magazine clashed with the drugstore's Danielle Steel selection.
• MTV begins filming its reality show in the offices of Rolling Stone; Men's Journal and Us Weekly staffs are promptly forgotten.
• Rocco DiSpirito refuses to disappear.
• Now that Ellen Barkin has removed her balcony's privacy fence, neighbors are easily treated to a night of watching her kids drink bongwater.
• AMI plans to sell off five of its lackluster titles, if only so the company can afford Bonnie Fuller's driver.
• Beyonce graces the cover of Spin, and it's overwhelmingly clear why Andy Pemberton was sacked.
• Hell has a zipcode, and it's 02138.
• Nothing's the same, not even the simple things.

Well. That was interesting.

The Today show gave an excellent, five-minute teaser of Matt Lauer's Dateline interview with Britney Spears, making us really amped up for tonight's full-length version. We could really use a good cry, and all the better to share it with Brit. But the real star is Lauer, who keeps a straight face throughout the entire affair, even when Spears tries to explain why it was OK to drive with her baby on her lap ("ma bayby," she calls him). A stronger person than we are, Lauer treats Spears with respect, and the man should get a medal for his efforts — though that medal should then be promptly taken away for his attempt to pull off loafers without socks.

For no reason other than to make you cackle with evil laughter, do enjoy this NBC promo for Thursday's Britney Spears sit-down with Matt Lauer. It's an intense look at Britney Spears: "defiant, determined, and emotional." Indeed — she's blubbering like we've never seen her blubber before. And her misuse of air quotes is positively heartbreaking. We've watched it four times already.

And on a lighter note, Kathy Griffin's response: "Who wears a cocktail dress at 7 in the morning?!"

• For those of you who think Gawker hates everything, we present the picture at right. As of this moment, we fucking love it more than anything in our otherwise empty lives. The nipple-grazing waistband, the faint suggestion of his package, snug like an Almond Joy... Yes, Matt Lauer, you have made our day. God bless. [The Daily]
• Heather Mills. Hardcore German porn. We've no idea where to even begin with this. [Sun UK]
• It's Gawker Stalker for the Sperry Topsider set: Yachtspotter, with which users track the locations of the world's most ostentatious, luxury battleships. Go forth and find thee a Diddy. [Yachtspotter]
• In other stalking news, there's great development for those obsessives who prefer to use MySpace to stalk the object of their desire. SingleStat.us notifies you when your crush's relationship status goes to single. 14-year-olds the world over rejoice. [TechCrunch]
• A groom from the Observer's Bridal Blog learns that newlyweds are not celebrities, and therefore they shall not receive swag. [NPR]
• Gay Pride comes to Queens, and the queens do celebrate. It's a modest parade, sadly, with no spectacular asscheeks to speak of. [Manhattan Offender]

Now that her Good Morning America co-host Charlie Gibson has filled the last available network anchor slot, no one really knows what the hell poor Diane Sawyer is going to do now. Obviously, she's not going to stay at GMA forever, but you'd be safe to bet that she's going to leave sooner rather than later — perhaps within the year. Not that anything's even near official, but her minions are already rumored to be interviewing with the Today show's Matt Lauer. Which is only slightly less insulting than if they were interviewing with Meredith Vieira.

Hilarious. Let's just hope they keep Lauer far away from the CBS studios on election night.

Oh, glorious days of days! The sun fittingly shines upon our fair city in honor of movie god and new "father" Tom Cruise, who comes to Manhattan today to promote Mission: Impossible 3. A devoted Scientologist and/or reader scored a picture of Tom on his way in to Good Morning America, which kicks off a day of gallavanting about the island, via every possible mode of transportation, for three separate screenings of his film.

How wonderful to be a faculty member at the University of Florida — you're actually paid to examine the intricacies of the Today Show (and here we are, just staring at the figure-flattering swimsuit segment, not making a dime). A recent study released by one such faculty member found that CBS-bound Katie Couric actually did less fluff reporting than her co-host Matt Lauer. In an of analysis over 700 stories, Couric only covered 37% of the show's entertainment segments, compared to Lauer, who covered 41%. (To be fair, one "glib" interview with Tom Cruise is worth at least an extra 3% in Lauer's column.)

• Matt Lauer adds three years to his Today contract, at $13M per. He'll also receive a footwear allowance, for clickety stilettos. [NYT]
• And Diane Sawyer has lost the game. [NYSun]
• Jack Kliger had to kill ELLEgirl to save it as a website. Or something. [Ad Age]
• First Kurt Andersen calls it, now Variety: We're all tired of celebrities. [Variety]
• Most publications won't accept freebies, Page Six — and David Pogue — excepted, of course. [MB]

We missed a bit of this morning's Today show, but a correspondent tells us that while plugging an upcoming segment on "The Ex Factor," Katie Couric said something like, "Should you date your ex? Maybe Matt could tell us more about that." Subtle! No doubt Lauer appreciated the excellent promotional tie-in for today's Rush & Molloy:

Because Americans love to be freaked out before they even have their morning coffee, Today show co-hosts Matt Lauer and Al Roker donned their skin-tight speed suits and embraced the double luge. Words can't quite convey the bizarre hilarity of Al laying down on top of Matt ("Am I supposed to lose circulation?" asks Lauer) and the two sliding down the luge track, screaming "whooo" at a pitch best fitting for a 14-year-old girl. But, as Lauer noted, "If you had Al on top of your groin, you'd squeal too." Or cry.

Tomorrow morning, lumped with the Today show's usual Olympic-related stunts and smiles, Matt Lauer and Al Roker will do the doubles luge. Because the bigger man must ride in front to reduce wind resistance, Roker will be the front driver on top.

This morning the Today show interviewed Maria Dahvana Headley, the woman who once decided for an entire year to say yes to every man who asked her on a date. The experiment resulted in a happy marriage and, more recently, her new book, The Year of Yes. After the interview, Matt Lauer asked Katie Couric about the range of men she had dated, and whether they were particularly good or bad:

We haven't watched the Thanksgiving Day parade on television for probably a solid two decades, but when we glanced at this morning's papers we began to regret avoiding the broadcast this year. There was, it seems, a "Holi-Daze" "Lights Out" at the parade yesterday, a "narrowly avoided" disaster that was caused when a giant (and, apparently, angry) M&M careened into a lamppost in Times Square and sent a 30-pound lighting fixture falling onto two sisters watching the parade below.