Martha Stewart—and a Halloween-themed "buffet" that costs more than your rent—just visited The Tonight Show to craft with Jay Leno. Stewart showed off her festive contacts, talked about dogs/dating, lovably lectured Leno, and more! The best moments, inside.

How did Hoda convince Kathie Lee to use her name in the title of her book? Wine, duh! When Martha asked why she wrote her memoirs so early in life, Hoda explains that she figured her show would get canceled.

The Honorable André Leon Talley takes his snarky judging ability from ANTM to Martha Stewart's show to decide whether Martha is considered to be "petite," and whether she should be a judge on Tyra's show herself.

Today the Queen of Daytime invited the Queen of Domesticity onto her talk show. It was the first time Martha had visited Oprah's show since her time in jail, and the two naturally had a lot to discuss.

Today's Martha presented a sneak peak of her Prime Time Holiday Special. The clip includes the dashing Brendan Fraser taking a shot of a spooky brew with Martha. Watch to see what it does to him!

After dropping some fish on the floor, Martha casually tosses it into the pot, as Todd reassures us that any dirt will be "cooked off," and Martha claims to have the "cleanest studio on Earth." The audience sounds skeptical.

In your massive Monday media column: Bon Appetit's editor is leaving, Martha Stewart's TV shows are failing, Vulture's going out on its own, TV Guide is trying hard, and Robert Thomson is just talking shit, as always.

Today at Gawker.TV, Tim Gunn calls the Michale and Tareq Salahi "sociopaths" as they listen remotely, Regis Philbin has penis envy for Jimmy Fallon's speedo, and Martha Stewart drunkenly reveals tales her modeling days in the Mad Men era.

"I knew several Don Drapers," began the domestic goddess during yesterday's show. Inside, listen to her slurred stories of modeling days past when she'd parade around in her bikini "in front of this table of men probably drinking martinis." Fancy!

We already knew that Project Runway mentor Tim Gunn's new book would contain crazy stories about Anna Wintour, but he's also going after Isaac Mizrahi, Martha Stewart's daughter, Bravo, some of the Project Runway contestants, and even his own mother!

Recently, we wondered whether a Facebook post by Martha Stewart contained a dick joke. Tonight, Stewart sat with Jimmy Fallon and—in between talk of travels and an orangutan she befriended—she confirmed (and repeated!) the phallic wisecrack. Video inside.

We go to Martha Stewart for many things—recipes, decorating tips, officious WASP-y superiority—but for blue humor? Never! But now she's posting suggestive pictures on her Facebook page and our universe is turned upside down.

Martha, along with Chevy Chase and his wife Jayni, cooked up some lentil burgers this morning. However, Chevy wasn't exactly looking forward to consuming them, which he not-so-kindly told Martha. But all was made well when Chevy promised to strip.

This video of Martha Stewart and goat farmers raises some serious questions and concerns. For starters, when is it OK for doctors to milk patients?

Leave it to Martha Stewart to sneak in a snobby dig in even the most pleasant of segments. In this video, Stewart bluntly vocalizes her dislike of the R&B star's haircut.

While cooking up some barbecued pork sandwiches with the Bromberg brothers of NYC's Blue Ribbon restaurant empire, Martha Stewart was shocked to see some pork shrinkage. Bigger isn't always better, Martha.

Robert Scoble and Karen Wickle joked about bathrooms and private parts, respectively, at Google IO; Khloe Kardashian let her husband down; and Martha Stewart was clinically obsessed with Starbucks. The Twitterati regressed a little.

During her interview with Medium's Patricia Arquette, Martha Stewart revealed she has "little premonitions". Would have been nice to have one of those before she went to prison.

Martha began today's show with a minutes-long brag-fest about how totally awesome her farm is. Show me the investors I have to defraud to get a place like this, and I will take them for every cent.

[Martha Stewart, Taylor Swift, and the ever-youthful Betty White were three of the ladies feted at the Time 100 gala, which was held at Jazz at Lincoln Center last night. Image via Getty]