In Pizza Hut's quest to reinvent itself as a restaurant serving food fit for human consumption, no tactic is too radical. Pizzas made by actual humans? You bet. And now the dynamic company is making the boldest innovation of all.

Last summer, two enormous advertising companies, Omnicom and Publicis, announced that they'd be merging to form the world's most enormous advertising company. Yesterday, they announced the deal is off. Why? Because these companies are essentially kindergarteners.

Kellogg has agreed to stop calling its Kashi line of products "all natural" because it contains ingredients like "soy oil processed using hexane, a component of gasoline." They can still call it "artisan," thank god.

A new startup has figured out how to put an ad in the space that appears on your cell phone screen when you swipe down to refresh it. Cell phone technology is getting better every day.

To counteract America's waning love for frozen food, Stouffer's is launching new ads with the theme, "Made for you to love." In one, "two brothers who have been tussling reach a truce brought about by lasagna."

At long last, advertisers are ready to "solve" the "problem" of you rudely ignoring the television ads that they spent so much effort crafting, by looking at your cell phone when the commercials come on.

The film adaptation of Heaven Is for Real, pastor Todd Burpo's bestselling memoir describing the near-death visions of his then-four-year-old son, Colton Burpo, opened this week. In case the scheduling synergy with another popular inspirational death-and-resurrection story doesn't create enough ticket-buying enthusiasm, TriStar Pictures is also offering a Heaven Is for Real make-your-own meme site. Give it a try!

You, the American consumer, do not know any science, but you do know you want all of those "artificial flavors" and "artificial colors" out of your processed garbage food. Or at least you want to believe they're out.

"We're giving teens a reason to choose us," said an integrated marketing content director for Coca-Cola. "It gives teens a reason to reach for a Coke." Imagine living a life that required you to say those words.

A new report from a coalition of public health groups accuses Marlboro of purposely targeting teenagers with marketing campaigns around the world, so that the teens will become smokers, and later die of smoking-related illness. Mean.

Kids these days and their sophisticated, sellout millennial tastes—who knows what the hell they like? Not good old-fashioned beer brands such as Corona Light™, that is for sure. Corona Light™ has had it with trying to impress these kids!

Today a swarm of celebrities came together in a Back to the Future-themed ad campaign for a real-life hoverboard. Just 30 years after the movie that made us fall in love with flying skateboards, they're here! ... Except they're not.

Shane Smith, the burly head of the VICE empire, is now worth several hundred million dollars, thanks to his company's peerless ability to sell counterculture cool to mainstream corporations. Don't mention that to Shane, though. It's a sensitive topic.

The advertising slogan "Got Milk?" is being retired. The new milk advertising slogan: "Milk Life," which is supposed to "make that connection between milk and protein." Americans love protein, as well as milk-themed pornography, and the milk industry needs to evoke those unique selling propositions. Milk Life™.

Hedge funds, sophisticated financial vehicles using strategies that can—whether the market is up or down—enrich hedge fund managers, are now allowed to advertise to the public. Problem: they suck at it. Can we help them?

After a period of recession during which Americans were drinking less beer, Americans are once again drinking plenty of beer. But the millennial generation is not drinking enough beer. That is where a multibillion-dollar international brewing conglomerate's marketing team comes in.

Valentine's Day ads for white people.

The Yogurt Wars continue to descend to previously unimaginable depths of depravity. Now Yoplait is touting the fact that it is tastier than Chobani. Fine. Dog poop may be more toothsome than cow shit, but at least it has the decency not to crow about it.

The typical rant about Super Bowl ads goes, "They cost how much? Do those ads even sell anything? Hey, remember those 'Whassssupppp' ads?" First of all, stop saying "Wasssupp." Second of all, the "This is all a huge waste of money" position may be correct.

The Italian marketing team for Steve McQueen's 12 Years a Slave seems to have the wrong idea when it comes to what the film is about. Contrary to what some may think, the movie details the time a free black man named Solomon Northup was kidnapped and sold into bondage in the antebellum South. It is not, as these Italian posters might lead you to believe, a buddy film highlighting the antics and struggles of Brad Pitt and Michael Fassbender.