America's new revolutionary leaders are Shredded Wheat, Kodak, and Miller High Life. They're really angry about this messed up world, just like you! Hey hey, ho ho, overpriced inkjet printers have got to go!

Not in so many words, but:

All the grease-scarred veterans of the Oprah Chicken Riots of '09 know that they were bad. But did you know they were one of the worst marketing disasters of all time?

Do you know how to "flirtext"? No? Prepare to be single for the rest of your life then. Flirtexting is what women "have to learn" to keep up with the 21st century dating scene, according to Olivia Baniuszewicz and Debra Goldstein, the authors of a new book called Flirtexting: How To Text Your Way To His Heart, who describe themselves as "graduates of The Rules and He's Just Not That Into You"). Now that we live in the "A.C. world of dating"—that stands for "after cell"—it's essential that women be comfortable with flirtexting etiquette, the duo claim, although men can still send the same old boring text messages they've always sent. (Flirtexting isn't for men, since it's a little "girly," explain the authors.) But if all of this sounds a little sexist and clichéd, well, think again.

Are you overwhelmed today by the sheer force of the $100 million "marketing blitz" for McDonald's McCafé, the "mother of all campaigns" that's "impossible to escape"? Dié Starbucks! Drink McDonald's Coffeé Or Elsé!

America's going wild for Domino's new $5.99 Bread Bowl Pasta (Mmm!), so now's a great time to recall the story of Domino's poor "Pasta Dude": the anthropomorphic penne that was too hot for TV:

Desirée Rogers is the White House's "cultural liaison." The George W. Bush donor focuses on the slice of culture involving pricey fashion lines and Four Seasons lunches with sellers of $35,000 commodes. Now this:

Swine flu panic is just a week old and like most Americans you probably have only one thing on your mind: how can I make some sweet fast cash off this thing? Enter guerrilla marketing.

America might be in the midst of an economic death spiral or whatever, but there still ridiculously cushy jobs available for people marketers want to reach (young/not poor). Both involve drinking, for money.

De La Soul's new album: a workout mix for Nike. De La doesn't work out!

NBC went and sold the most blatant product placement in TV history in its show Chuck, and what do you know, it worked! Not for Chuck; that shit is getting canceled. But for Subway, yes!

You might remember Peter Arnell from his embarrassing rebrandings of Pepsi and Tropicana, or maybe for being an evil, foot-rub demanding boss. Now the branding wizard owes HarperCollins $100,000, for sucking, at books.

Thehappycorp is an edgy little ad agency that most recently made news for getting Poster Boy to remix some MOMA ads, and getting fired by MOMA for it. Now a tipster says everyone's been fired.

First Matt Lauer of Today, now Howard Kurtz on CNN: What's with all the TV newsmen leaping to defend Miss California for opposing gay marriage "in my country?"

What's stranger: The fact that this man was seen all over town yesterday marketing a sex toy website dressed as George Bush and holding a "Stimulating the economy" sign? (It seems no one has informed the company that Bush is no longer president and another guy is in charge of "stimulating" the economy these days.) Or that the name of the company references a TV show that went off the air half a decade ago? Hard to say! A tipster sent this in to us a little while ago, but there's footage of him acting out in Midtown, too, if you're interested.

Are you enamored with the fast-forward capabilities of your futuristic 'Tivo' device—but sad that you're missing all those commercials? Tivo has figured out a way to implant ads over skipped ads. Technology is wonderful.

NBC has shockingly ruined the integrity of its dramatic show Chuck by allowing Subway what is perhaps the most blatant (and therefore laughable!) product placement in network TV history. Mmm, smell that chicken teriyaki.

We hate to be continually bringing you examples of gross advertising campaigns that gratuitously utilize the human bottom, but we have to report the facts. Click through for the latest outrage of literalism. [NSFW? Maybe!]

God. If an ad for hemorrhoid cream is posted on the internet by bloggers, you know it's something you're better off not looking at.