South Carolina: Your politicians stink. Mark "All Over Your Appalachian Trail" Sanford's right-hand man, Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer, refuses to apologize for a comment comparing poor people to "stray animals," arguing we should not "feed" them lest "they breed."

• Kate Hudson was supposedly holding out hope that she and Alex Rodriguez would reunite one day soon. But it looks like it may be time for Kate to let the dream die. A-Rod's new flame is a "gorgeous blonde" who he met at a gym in Miami. [P6]
• In happier celebrity couple news—and after months of schmoopy public displays of affection—Katy Perry and Russell Brand are now engaged. Brand reportedly proposed while in vacation in India, a trip they decided to take after Perry expressed her love for "Indian culture while they were eating curry." [Us]
• An autopsy has been performed on Casey Johnson, the socialite and pharma heiress who was discovered dead on Monday. There weren't any signs of trauma, but more should be revealed when toxicology tests are completed. In the meantime, friends of Johnson report she went into a diabetic coma on several occasions over the past year, "spent the last months of her life in a suicidal drug haze," and had been living in squalor up until her death, since her family had cut her off. Speaking of the Johnson clan, they're planning to have a private funeral for Casey later this week. [TMZ, NYP, NYDN, People]
• In other Johnson news, she was dealing with a long list of legal problems when she died, including a lawsuit by Porsche (for failing to keep up with her car payments), and another suit by a nanny service (which claimed it was owed money). As for fame addict Tila Tequila, her alleged fiancée, she's been busy posting to Twitter, recounting the "haunting visions" she's been having of Johnson and how they "made such a lovely couple." [TMZ, NYP, Us]

2009 had its fair share of things that didn't go exactly according to plan. F-bombs, dry-humping, real humping, and lots of unforeseen stupidity. Here are the 12 best things that weren't supposed to happen on TV, but luckily, they did.

They never learn, do they? Not to have sex with people you are not married to, that is. That is what they (elected officials) did not learn, in the 2000s. Who were they trying to have sex with? Literally everyone.

Maybe the Argentinian lover wasn't his soulmate, after all? SC Gov. Mark Sanford is still begging scorned wife Jenny to take him back. Didn't you see her Barbara Walters interview, Mark? She's just not that into you, anymore.
[AP]

Mark Sanford, South Carolina Governor and haver-of-affairs, will probably not be impeached.

Jenny Sanford's husband, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, cheated on his wife with an Argentinean lover. Now, with his political career is in shambles, it's time for Jenny Sanford's star to shine bright! And make a decent buck, too.

Mark Sanford, the South Carolina governor who coined the best euphemism of the year when told aides he was "hiking the Appalachian trail" as an excuse for doinking an Argentinian woman who was not his wife, faces questioning.

So, here they are: David Letterman's remarks on how he had "creepy" sex with an indeterminate amount of female staffers and was then extorted. Considering Letterman has long used affairs as punchlines, should we run him out of town?

The Wall Street Journal's award-worthy "this is what former rich people are up to" coverage continues today with a story on how so many Americans are dropping everything to "hike the Appalachian Trail."

When caught in a sex scandal, the first political instinct is to wait for the furor to blow over. Larry Craig fought tooth and nail to maintain power. Mark Sanford won't budge. That's why we praise Mike Duvall.

If you thought Mark Sanford's love letters were embarrassing, check out this footage of Republican CA. Assemblyman Michael D. Duvall discussing his sexual trysts with a lobbyist. He actually uses the word "dripping." It's sick.

Republican South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford became a household name for his affair with an Argentine woman. Then, Monday, we heard that his Lieutenant Andre Bauer does dudes. Now the GOP may have a new, sexy, erotica-writing star: Kristin Maguire.

Mike Rogers—who outed Larry Craig and Mark Foley some time before they outed themselves—has now outed South Carolina Lieutenant Governor Andre Bauer. Hah.

Remember South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, the Argentinian ass-loving hater of excess government spending? Well, it appears as though he's been using the state's private aircraft for personal reasons, one time even flying to make a hair appointment on time.

Dennis Hof sure is a generous man. The owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada plans to offer hundreds of elected politicians across the country a little pick-me-up with a "government assistance program," which involves him mailing out what he calls "good time party passes" to every senator, congressman and governor in America.

Sunday's Daily News featured a gossip item in which a hooker who worked for the same escort agency frequented by Eliot Spitzer claims that she serviced another sitting American governor on three occasions. Who could it be? Let's speculate recklessly!

In a groveling open letter, Gov. Mark Sanford calls his whole affair his "funeral," negating all the warm fuzzies his sultry Argentinian shoved-under-the-rug soulmate felt from his love letters. Those flames of love burn, baby, burn.

ABC News' Jake "The Octogon" Tapper thinks NBC News is totally "slimy" for their gross and "insulting" reporting during South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford's disappearance. The nerve of those guys, suggesting that something untoward was going on!

Stephen Colbert e-mailed Gov. Mark Sanford's office—in character!—last month at the height of the media frenzy surrounding the governor's disappearance, inviting him on the show "for a friendly place to make light" of the story.