• Friends worry Jessica Simpson is "at the lowest point of her life" now that she's lost her beloved dog, Daisy. Others say she's coping "better than her friends may realize." Either way, we she's probably feeling much better now that her friends are sharing her innermost feelings with the tabloids. [People]
• The man suspected of breaking into Lindsay Lohan's house wasn't a complete stranger: The two reportedly hung out on the set of her film Labor Pains last year. The girl's not the best judge of character, as you've probably realized by now. [TMZ]
• The drugs that were prescribed to Anna Nicole Smith amounted to "pharmaceutical suicide," according to newly unsealed court documents that were obtained by the LA Times. Most disturbing: The documents also reveal that both of Anna Nicole's doctors "transgressed professional boundaries by having sexual contact with their famous patient." [LAT]
• Michelle Obama gave Barack the silent treatment at points during his campaign for president because she was pissed about all the women throwing themselves at him, according to a new book. There was even a hot young campaign aide who was mysteriously "relocated" after developing a close relationship with the President. [NYDN, P6]
• Did you catch President Obama's appearance on Letterman last night? [MTV]

Robert Pattinson whines about not getting more hot chicks, Brad Pitt is a joint-rolling artist, Kate Major says boning Jon Gosselin was "amazing," Mariah Carey disses the Grammys, Alicia Silverstone gets naked and David Cook is dating an older woman.

Two teenage celebrities might be getting married, and therefore: doing it. Robert Pattinson's life is invaded by aliens. Paula wants back on Idol, and I want back in the womb. Madonna, Sinatra, Spears, Spacey. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Jeremy Piven goes nuts on Chris Kattan, Robert Pattinson parties in Queens, Michael Jackson is finally buried, Bethenny Frankel hates Gwyneth Paltrow, Jesus Luz wants to be a DJ, Mariah Carey is freaking out and Victoria Beckham debuts on Idol.

Olivia Palermo sipping a drink in the Village ... Keri Russell pushing son River in a stroller in Brooklyn ... Michelle Trachtenberg shopping with a friend in SoHo ... Rihanna grabbing a bite at the Golden Krust Caribbean Bakery around Herald Square ... Diane Keaton shooting scenes for Morning Glory in Battery Park ... Hugh Jackman carrying son Oscar on his back in SoHo ... Katy Perry flipping off photographers in front of the Standard Hotel ... Blake Lively walking to the Gossip Girl set in Midtown ... Robert Pattinson hugging a fan at JFK ... Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon posing for pictures in Tribeca ... and Russell Brand walking in SoHo with an unidentified female.

When Mischa Barton got on the train to Cuckootown we thought she joined the ranks of Britney Spears and Mariah Carey. Not really, because people seemed to actually care about their public descent into madness. Is the celeb meltdown passe?

• The fashion publicist/socialite who moonlighted as a computer hacker? This is going to make for a fabulous movie. It seems Ali Wise (right), the Dolce & Gabanna public relations director, professional socializer, and ex-girlfriend of hotelier Jason Pomeranc was arrested this week for using her computer to wiretap and eavesdrop on interior designer/social butterfly Nina Freudenberger (left). The worst part? Wise was held overnight in an jail cell and wasn't given any special treatment, poor thing. [NYDN, P6]
• Wise wasn't the only nightlife fixture behind bars this week. Wass Stevens, NYC's most famous club doorman, was arrested for whacking a man with the metal end of a velvet rope outside Noah Tepperberg and Jason Strauss's Avenue the other night. Stevens says the man acted up when he was refused entry, which sounds a pretty likely scenario. [P6]

• Mariah Carey, Stevie Wonder, Usher, Lionel Richie, Queen Latifah, Jennifer Hudson, John Mayer, and a truck full of elephants (left) will all on hand for the Michael Jackson's memorial service in LA later today. Debbie Rowe and Elizabeth Taylor will not be there, however. [Reuters, NYDN, People, Us]
• Several ladies from the Real Housewives of New York are demanding more cash before signing up for another season of the show. In addition to "six-figure deals," they're asking for clothing, hair and makeup allowances and "a promised amount of screen time." You're shocked by this, we're sure. [NYDN]
• In other Housewives news, it looks like LuAnn de Lesseps may be reuniting with her estranged husband, and Bethenny Frankel is engaged. [P6, Us]

After ex-boyfriend Eminem took a potshot at her on his new album Relapse, Mariah Carey decided to beat the rapper at his own multiple-personality game, by dressing as him on the NYC video shoot for her latest single, "Obsessed" yesterday.

Robert Pattinson riding a bike around Central Park on the set of Remember Me, and later standing with co-star Emilie de Ravin ... Shaquille O'Neal leaving his hotel in Midtown ... Mariah Carey filming the music video for her latest single, "Obsessed," including one scene with her dressed up dressed up as Eminem ... Leighton Meester, Chace Crawford, and Ed Westwick on the set of Gossip Girl ... and Rihanna walking into lunch yesterday at Philippe, and then turning up at the Gramercy Park Hotel last night for Allegra Versace's 23rd birthday party.

Anna Kournikova viciously brawls with another woman in a Vegas club, Leighton Meester sings and acts in a video for Cobra Starship, Michael Jackson looked frail on stage at his concert rehearsals and Chris Brown gets shut down by Jay-Z.

Elle is letting LiLo off the hook over the jewels everyone seems convinced that she stole, two cops try to blackmail Sarah Jessica Parker/Matthew Broderick, Mariah Carey will star in a London play and Justin Timberlake loves tequila shots.

New York turned out to celebrate the 75th anniversary of the historic Apollo Theater on Monday night. Prince, Mariah Carey, Steve Harvey, Bill Cosby, Fantasia Barrino, and Chanj all took turns on the stage; Jamie Foxx introduced Quincy Jones, who was inducted into the Apollo Legends Hall of Fame; and the crowd included Michael Bloomberg and Diana Taylor, New York First Lady Michelle Patterson, Patti LaBelle, Dick Parsons, Al Sharpton, Gayle King, Sherri Shepard, Phylicia Rashad, Clarissa and Edgar Bronfman Jr., Ruby Dee, Ron Perelman and daughter Samantha Perelman, Sade Baderinwa, Devyn Simone, Kevin Liles, Jonelle Procope, Susan Magrino, Robin Roberts, Doug E. Fresh, Bryant and Hilary Gumbel, Bethenny Frankel, Denise Rich, and designer (and secret soul music fan) Roberto Cavalli. [PMc, Wireimage, VF]

Brad and Angelina are getting married in New Orleans, Brooke Shields settled with the National Enquirer for kidnapping her mother, Mariah Carey is getting fat, Pete Doherty shot up on a commercial flight, and Denise Richards is addicted to boob jobs.

• Are Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick planning to leave the West Village behind? That's what Britain's Daily Mirror is reporting today, although the story seems to be based on the fact a moving truck happened to be parked outside the couple's townhouse yesterday (maybe Broderick was just rid of some old furniture?), so you may want to take the news with a grain of salt. [DM]
• Mariah Carey had some issues with her stylist in Cannes last week. But she walked away with "millions of free diamonds" when she stopped off in Turkey this past weekend, so hopefully that made up for the inconvenience. [P6]
• Kanye West says he doesn't read books or have any respect for books. But he's just written one that he'd really like you to buy and read. [Reuters]
• Mike Tyson's 4-year-old daughter, Exodus Tyson, died yesterday following her treadmill accident on Monday. [Us]

Lily Allen trashes Susan Boyle on Twitter, Jon and Kate face the "dark side of reality," Kelly Bensimon is annoying the shit out of people all over the place, Katherine Heigl got fired from another project for being a diva, and Tori Spelling looks horrendous in a bikini.

• Despite the fact his dad says they're planning a Kabbalah commitment ceremony and he's currently shacking up at her apartment, Jesus Luz tells a Brazilian TV station that Madonna is "just a friend." Also: He really doesn't mind it if you refer to him as her "boy toy." [NYDN]
• Kiefer Sutherland has apologized to Jack McCollough for head-butting him, and charges against the actor are likely to be dropped. Not that he's learned much of a lesson: He was spotted boozing it up on the LES with his daughter in tow last week. [NYP, P6]
• The celebrity crime wave continues: Kevin Bacon had his BlackBerry stolen from him last week. And Monica Bellucci and husband Vincent Cassel had more than a quarter of a million dollars in cash and jewels taken from them while they were attending the Cannes Film Festival. [NYP, DM]
• Mel Gibson has confirmed that he and his Russian musician girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, are expecting. [People, NYDN]
• Mariah Carey spent Memorial Day in Turkey. Why Turkey? Because a hotel paid her $1.5 million to perform, that's why. [P6]

John Mayer went out on Saturday night and raised the bar on celebrity cheesedickery, David Cross and Amber Tamblyn are making out in public all over East Village, and Fergie admits to being bi-sexual.

• Cynthia Nixon and longtime girlfriend Christine Marinoni have gotten engaged. The couple announced the news at the Love, Peace and Marriage Equality rally over the weekend. [OK!, ET]
• Mariah Carey reportedly threw a fit in Cannes on Friday evening when the director of her new movie had the audacity to show up late to the premiere, thus denying her precious time on the red carpet. [NYDN]
• Also in Cannes: Giuseppe Cipriani was seen making out with Tara Reid; and Kirsten Dunst missed the party she was supposed to be hosting because she missed her flight. [NYDN, Mirror]
• Kelly Bensimon is telling friends she regrets joining the Real Housewives cast since appearing on the show has "ruined her socially." [P6]
• Brooke Shields says her mother was checked out of her nursing home last week by a National Enquirer reporter looking for a scoop. [People]

More Carrie Prejean topless photos have emerged, real topless photos, Bob Barker and Betty White are about to kill each other over an elephant, and Nick Cannon is sick of Eminem talking about Mariah.