After starting off with the most perfect entrance possible, it looks like the candidates have finally gotten their shit together. Or at the very least, Chris Christie has, because he just tore Marco Rubio to shreds.

In what we can only hope was a sign of what’s to come, the ABC GOP debate kicked off with the most bizarre candidate walk-out any of us will likely ever see. Ben Carson appeared to refuse to go on stage, the moderators literally forgot about John Kasich, and both Carson and Trump had to eventually be begged before finally shuffling out from the shadows. This candidate clusterfuck alone almost makes the entire, terrible election worth it.

If there’s one endorsement that will surely tip the scales on the Republican presidential candidacy, it’s surely that of an exorcist who failed at the race himself.

Today the editorial board of Sheldon Adelson’s Las Vegas Review-Journal endorsed Florida Senator and third-place Iowa caucuses loser Marco Rubio for Nevada’s upcoming Republican caucuses. The board writes:

When Joe Scarborough asks Rick Santorum—a broken and defeated man who just endorsed Marco Rubio—to name the latter’s top accomplishment in the Senate, you can actually hear air coming out of Rick’s sad chest cavity, a defeated little Eucghhh puff.

This morning, the smart money had it that Donald Trump would win Iowa, and Ted Cruz would come in second—but it was possible that Trump could under-perform and Cruz would win. Well, Ted Cruz has won Iowa. Donald Trump is in second, and Marco Rubio is in third. But according to “the narrative,” Donald Trump is tonight’s big loser, and Rubio the upset victor.

Soon we’ll have a winner in the first official contest of the 2016 election. For the Republicans, it’s likely to be Donald Trump, though it could be Sen. Ted Cruz. There is a small chance it will be Sen. Marco Rubio, the supposed “establishment” candidate. But it probably won’t be. And don’t worry: Losing—repeatedly and for a long time—is all part of Rubio’s master plan.

The Iowa caucuses are tonight. What’s going to happen? On the Republican side, either Donald Trump will win, or Ted Cruz will win. According to a poll conducted by Ann Selzer, unanimously considered the best pollster in Iowa, Trump will win. That’s a good reason to feel confident in a Trump victory.

During an interview on Morning Joe today, flailing Republican presidential candidate and self-professed tall boy Jeb Bush made yet another rude comment about his rival, Sen. Marco Rubio. When asked if he owns any high-heeled boots like the senator, he responded, “I don’t have a height issue.”

Jeb Bush’s super PAC, Right to Rise, has outspent every single one of its competitors with nearly $50 million going to ads—a fact that’s particularly depressing when you consider the ad you see above.

You might be forgiven for imagining Marco Rubio waiting patiently at the gate for his boarding group to be called. Will his carry-on bag fit in the overhead compartment? Will they let him board even though his bulky one personal item looks like it’s holding quite a few pairs of high-heeled boots? We may never know, because Marco “I Always Fly Coach” Rubio is reportedly all about the private jet these days.

Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio wore some cute boots yesterday. Once New York Times reporter Michael Barbaro tweeted out a photo of them, both political and fashion journalists had questions. How high are those heels? (Two inches, easily.) Where did he get them? (The campaign has yet to say.) Do they come in my size? (I personally want to know.) And—cutting to the real issue at hand—how tall is Marco Rubio anyway?

Shapeless. Halfhearted. Diffident. Slipping. Unconvincing in the harsh light of the national stage. Observers may say these things about Marco Rubio’s presidential campaign. But no one can say these things about Marco Rubio’s hair.

Is Senator Marco Rubio running for president? Is that a stupid question? After all, there he was on stage last week in Las Vegas, speaking more than any candidate besides Cruz (he beat Trump!). He was, according to FiveThirtyEight, the most-attacked Republican candidate, too, which usually indicates frontrunner status. Except Marco Rubio isn’t a frontrunner in any poll, in any primary state; his popularity remains primarily theoretical. Is he actually doing anything to change that?

“I obviously am not happy about the events that happened last week in Paris…. BUT” is never a sentence that will end well.

In an interview with Megyn Kelly last night, Marco Rubio—who was ostensibly trying to shut down Trump’s call for a Fourth Reich—instead declared that, if we truly want to be safe, America needs to shut down pretty much everything.

Earlier in tonight’s GOP debate, Sen. Marco Rubio made a rousing call for more vocational education. “Welders make more money than philosophers,” he said to applause. “We need more welders than philosophers.”

Today, Senator Marco Rubio held a Q&A for “young professionals” at St. Anselm College in New Hampshire. That sounds very boring, and it probably mostly was, except that Rubio gave perhaps the most insane answer possible to the question, “Who would you like to have a beer with who is not a politician?”

When Marco Rubio became Florida’s Speaker of the House in 2005, Governor Jeb Bush welcomed him by bestowing upon him the sword of “Chang,” who Bush described as “a mythical conservative warrior.” It’s odd how mythology develops: Bush was almost certainly, if unwittingly, talking about Chiang Kai-Shek, the Chinese nationalist leader best known for losing a civil war to the Chinese Communist Party and retreating to Taiwan. Chiang was, notably, not democracy’s number-one fan.