In your smiley Tuesday media column: newspapers only sell online subscriptions to lone nuts, Dan Rather loses on appeal, a headline is debated, and Paste magazine lives.

The Beaver magazine changes title: "For whatever reasons, [youth] are turned off by the name."

Richard Beckman, the former Conde Nast media group chief who was demoted to CEO of Fairchild fashion group last March, may leave Conde to head up trade publisher e5 (Update: Confirmed). But he was so popular! [NYP. Pic: Getty]

In your provocative Monday media column: debates over the National Enquirer's respectability and women's ability to be funny, a journalist is killed, and a new Vultureperson is hired.

Sexy wrongful dismissal suit time! Conde Nast fired a Brides employee for making like a Brooklyn high school romance language teacher and showing her sports bra to friends, in her office, while talking about her breast augmentation surgery. [Via Romenesko]

In your thawing Thursday media column: Further evidence that Larry King is losing it (more so), Ted Koppel's still got that pizzazz, troubles at Print magazine, and everything remotely associated with the Redskins is corrupt.

• It's a new day at Condé Nast. The mag giant's chief exec, Chuck Townsend, has gone from firing staffers to giving them motivational speeches. [NYO]
• In Touch's editor quit yesterday, reportedly because he wasn't happy that his bosses wouldn't agree to increase his $750,000-a-year salary. [NYP]
• Is MSNBC's Ed Schultz thinking about running for Senate? [HP, The Hill]
• A draft of the script for the third Twilight film has been leaked online. [WSJ]
• Fox's latest reality show, Our Little Genius, is stirring up controversy. [NYT]
• It looks like Sam Mendes will be directing the next James Bond movie. [MTV]
• Advertising: Hanes is pulling its TV ads featuring Charlie Sheen. [People]
• Taylor Swift's "Fearless" was the No. 1 selling album of 2008. In other Taylor-related news, Taylor Lautner is now the highest paid teenager in Hollywood.
• "Newspaper reporter" is officially one of the worst jobs in America. [HP]

In your wintry Wednesday media column: More and more and more Dana Milbank, short is good, freelancing sucks, and just let the NYT sell its ads, you ungrateful bastards.

Conde Nast CEO Chuck Townsend is meeting personally this month with shell-shocked staffers at the company's various magazines for what is described as "a rah-rah speech" with "lots of charts and graphs." Everybody, "Conde rules" on one! [NYO]

As we heard yesterday, In Touch editor Richard Spencer did indeed quit abruptly Monday. Keith Kelly says that Spencer walked out with no warning while the mag was on deadline, apparently irked at his paltry salary.

In your icy Tuesday media column: Michael Wolff vs. David Carr vol. 89, a belated apology for the "worst deal of the century," a Christian is found in the liberal media, and the NYT luvs Kim Kardashian (maybe).

We're hearing that In Touch editor Richard Spencer quit yesterday. The circumstances of his departure are unclear. Last November, we heard that Spencer had been offered the head editorial gig at OK! Magazine, and turned it down. Maybe he'll return their calls now? If you know more about this, email us.

After being folded by Nielsen last month, curmudgeonly book review magazine Kirkus Reviews is coming back—Jeff Bercovici reports an undisclosed buyer is resurrecting Kirkus this month. No such savior for fellow dead mag E&P, yet.

In your Arctic Monday media column: Johnny Apple's wine lives on, the Dallas Morning News jets further off its cliff, Tina Brown luvs David Denby, and Bloomberg will soon own everything.

Vanity Fair's new Tiger Woods cover story doesn't have a Tiger interview, and its Tiger beefcake photos are all of pre-scandal vintage. It just makes us consider the tantalizing magazine story possibilities that are still waiting to be written.

In your last 2009 media column (crying all around): Scientologists now practice their nuttery journalism-style, E&P closes, Tim Tebow ready to lead Christian Soldiers against Fox, and Regis returns!

Way back in October of aught-eight, we published the Gawker Guide to a Journalism Career. Lots of things have changed since then. For the worse, mostly! Time for an update. Aspiring journalists and other masochists, read on.

• You may not be able to tune into Fox as of tomorrow. The feud between News Corp. and Time Warner Cable has yet to be resolved, and if a deal isn't reached in the next day, you'll have to go elsewhere for your Simpsons reruns. [THR]
• There was no Christmas miracle for Harvey and Bob Weinstein this year. With Nine underperforming at the box office since its release two weeks ago, the brothers are now on the hunt for more cash to stay solvent. [Reuters, NYP]
• Condé Nast's war on the mystery hackers who managed to infiltrate the company's computer system in recent months is intensifying. [NYP]
• Remember when magazine readers would write letters to the editor? It turns out it isn't the most popular communication channel these days. [WWD]
• Susan Boyle is still No. 1 on the music charts. Well done, America. [EW]
• Sex doesn't sell when it comes to marketing movies. Allegedly. [CNN]

In your democratic Wednesday media column: Letters to the editor are alive and well, the Washington Times sports section teeters, Hu Shuli rebounds, and Carl Kasell takes up whittling.

Earlier this month, Conde Nast filed a lawsuit to try to find the identities of hackers who posted images of Conde magazines online in November, prior to their publication. Conde Nast has no patience for electronic chicanery from common layabouts.