A $39,000 backpack from the Olsen twins' luxury fashion line The Row was "the first thing that sold off the shelf," according to Ashley. "During our last economic crisis in the U.S., the only thing that went up was Hermès." That's why she designed this mind-bogglingly expensive backpack, made exclusively from the skin of the mysterious fourth Olsen sister, who lives in a cage in their basement. You thought Elizabeth Olsen was the secret one? Hah.

After pricing crystal-studded bottles of water at $35 and $55, BlingH2O has now introduced a $2600 bottle of water. It's exactly the same as water they sell at Cracker Barrel, but with fancier packaging:

Earlier this month, a train carrying watches, television sets and other luxury items for North Korea's heir apparent Kim Jong-un was derailed in what some speculate was an act of sabotage. No Desperate Housewives in HD for you, Little Kim!

The latest trend sweeping Dubai, the rich people capital of the universe: solid gold temporary tattoos for special occasions like weddings. They last for about a week and only cost $50. Wait, $50? That's nothing. Luxury for everyone!

Six passengers on a Russian airline were forced to stand in the aisles for their entire flight after the wrong airplane—one with too few seats—showed up at the airport. And no, it wasn't Southwest.

The U.S. government again is trying to clamp down on North Korea through sanctions aimed at the country's top leaders and, more specifically, the notorious Office 39, which is widely seen as an "investment bank" for North Korea's elite.

The country's most expensive hotel room (outside of Vegas) is at the Four Seasons in New York. It comes with free room service, private butler, chauffeured Maybach, and a $120,000 chandelier. You can even pick your own toilet paper!

The Way We Live Now: Fulfilling our old bright ideas. Facts of the world be damned! You know what would be great right about now? A $1.3 billion tower of superluxury apartments in Midtown Manhattan. This is a good idea.

Paris Hilton on her summer plans: "I'm just going to be on a yacht. Summer must have? A yacht. I'm going to St. Tropez, Monaco." She continues, "No more McDonald's, In-N-Out done. Getting my bikini body." [Us, photo via X17]

Luxury still exists, in a vending machine in Abu Dhabi's Emirates Palace hotel. GOLD To Go is a German invention that monitors the price of gold and dispenses bars and customizable coins. This is its international debut. Sparkly! [AP, Awl]

New York's Cafe Grumpy has invented the $12 cup of coffee, "flavors you would expect in a really nice glass of wine—it's a cacophony of nuances." We must keep nuance out of our coffee. It could ruin America.

The Way We Live Now: Precociously. Our spending habits place us in rarefied company. We may not have money for hospitals, but we certainly have enough money to ensure that luxury does not die. Priorities, friends; priorities.

A mysterious figure has been breaking into luxury boutiques in the early hours of the morning and stealing only the finest luxury goods like $260 jeans and $23,000 of designer sunglasses.

Weep, struggling members of the creative underclass, for your secret aspirations are drawing to a close: this may be the very last month of Conde Nast, Luxury Version. Coming soon: Conde Nast, Wailing Version.

Just trying to be a normal xenophobic American man these days means constantly fighting back against The System (ladies, etc.) telling us to buy fancy shampoo and fancy underwear, so, hey fellas, do not buy more fancy crap by choice.

Monte Carlo was built as a haven for wealthy, cultured Europeans. But the Monte Carlo resort in Vegas must attract the dregs of illiterate American new money. It does so with ads phonetically spelling out what awaits them. Botch, Teat.

If you're going to spend $255 on crib for your spawn, you might as well do it ironically, right?

In April, Queens resident Matt Tratner had a friend totally trash his apartment, to the max, and Matt found himself momentarily famous. His friends raised money to replace his stuff. Now, Matt's going on an expensive Greek vacation. Hmmm...

The Way We Live Now: With the shame of the defeated. We're too dumb to even figure out how to make our biggest companies go bankrupt properly. But we will obstinately stand on the power of our "luxury" brands until they sink in the financial muck and drown us, triumphantly!

How poor are people, these days? So poor that rappers can't afford to wear half-million-dollar chains any more! That's the thesis of a story which is surely false (nobody could ever really afford to wear a half-million-dollar chain), but it raises the question: what is the post-bling thing?