A reporter for Star Magazine is maybe dating fertile divorced daddy reality star and man-about-town Jon Gosselin! This reporter is named "Kate," just like his ex-wife. We cannot think of a more appropriate couple.

Countess divorceé Marie Douglas-David's long ordeal is mercifully drawing to a close. The lovelorn Swede has nearly reached a settlement with her CEO ex-husband, George Davis, the world's biggest pussy. Marie shall be rewarded the bare minimum necessary to survive.

George David, the wealthy ex-husband of Swedish countess divorceé Marie Douglas-David, is happy to reveal himself as the World's Biggest Pussy to fight his ex-wife's gold-digging. We just go along with this dynamic! Today: George David's no P-I-M-P.

Anthony Weiner, the annoying whiz-kid congressman who didn't run for mayor this year because he didn't think he'd be able to beat Bloomberg, decided to get married, instead. Sorry, ladies! Huma Abedin is about to become Mrs. Weiner.

Barack Obama can't remember exactly how he met his wife, Michelle, the mother of his two daughters. But he at least remembers that they did meet, which is the thing that matters, right? So leave him alone!

Love flourishes, with the help of the internet! Are you an intensely sexual, spiritual, non-Scientologist goddess, searching for a meditative high school physics teacher for true love? Hare Krishna prostitutes a plus! The most romantic website ever is here:

A guy in Miami made up a fake woman's online profile and lured Fidel Castro's son into sexy internet chats. Big news, or just like every other unintentionally male-on-male sexy internet chat?

China is like some crazy backwards Opposite Wonderland! There are so many more men looking to get married than there are eligible women that overenthusiastic dudes are constantly getting scammed out of their "bride prices." Nevada has a solution!

Hot TV reporter-screwing L.A. mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is screwing another TV reporter! In the most literal sense. But not in the figurative sense, because her news station is just fine with the mayor-screwing thing! L.A.'s ridiculous in all ways:

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick "Santorum" Santorum thinks Barack Obama's date with his wife was probably a bad message to send The Black Folk.

Todd offered Bristol a new ride to get her to dump Levi, Spencer Pratt is the "King of Weed," Paris Hilton thinks that The Hills is "so lame and fake," Kate Hudson is traveling with the Yankees to bone A-Rod, and Susan Boyle may be institutionalized very shortly.

Haha, we know exactly what to make of this: Axe Body Spray is sponsoring a nightclub in the Hamptons for the whole summer. Brah:

Need a job, lovely lady? No, no, it's not prostitution, I swear. You just go out with a guy as his "wingwoman" and steer other girls towards him, and fend off other guys trying to horn in on his chicks. Not wanting to fuck him yourself should be easy!:

Every time we post a photo of A.G. Sulzberger, heir to the New York Times throne, the ladies go wild. "Is he single?" they ask, lustily. We want to know too, but for professional reasons!

In unforeseeable news, a married millionaire heir to the Dupont fortune was repeatedly extorted for thousands of dollars by women he met on a site where old rich guys find hot young money-hungry girlfriends.

Here's an intriguing product found at a 99-cent store in Greenpoint. What is it, and in what way does it encourage "Close relations between family members?"

NBC is reportedly developing a sitcom called "George and Hilly" based on New York Observer writer George Gurley's columns about couples therapy with his fiancee. Here's what prime time viewers have to look forward to:

Pancake painter-to-the-stars Dan Lacey has unveiled his third painting inspired by you, the Gawker commenters. Today: "An S&M goat getting married to a pancake while Rush Limbaugh and a bunch of other conservatives look on in rage."

Since you were wondering, here's an update on douchebag ad man and former CNBC host Donny Deutsch's love life: that other guy's wife is now Donny's girlfriend, okay.

"CONSIDER the erotic potential between blogger and commenters," begins a trend story, as I gag on my coffee, laughing derisively. But hey it turns out some of these "bloggers" really are big pimpin!