london-olympics

A Candid Interview With America's 'Boner Rower': Uncooperative Penises Are 'A Recurring Problem With Rowers'

Taylor Berman · 08/07/12 04:42PM

Tough luck, Gabby Douglas, Henrik Rummel's penis is the new sweetheart of the 2012 Olympics. Rummel burst into internet fame over the last 48 hours since photos of his large-but-not-giant non-boner stole the spotlight from him and his three teammates during their medal ceremony Saturday afternoon. (Rummel's penis was not awarded a medal, even though it is a comparable size to most coxswain.)

Of Course You Should Have to Pay Taxes on Olympic Winnings, Dummies

Cord Jefferson · 08/07/12 01:56PM

The dumbest story to come out of this year's London Olympics isn't about the judo competitor who alleges he accidentally ate a weed brownie before coming to London, or whether the guy from America's crew team had a boner while getting his bronze medal (though he definitely did, and that's alright, it happens). The dumbest story is that American politicians are now attempting to exempt Olympians from the taxes they have historically paid on their prize money. Even Obama, the socialist who hates victory, is on board with the plan. And you thought Ryan Lochte was simple?

That U.S. Olympic Rower's Cock Is Not Giant: A Photoanalysis

John Cook · 08/07/12 12:36PM

To the settle the matter of the Olympic boner that wasn't: First, American rower Henrik Rummel was celebrated for appearing to have a "giant boner" after he won the bronze. Then, on Reddit, he demurred, claiming that the sculpted outline visible through his rower's shorts was actually his flaccid, unerect member. This revelation prompted some august personages—including former Gawker editor Choire Sicha and current Gawker editor A.J. Daulerio—to pronounce Rummel's cock really big, if that's what it looks like during the off-season. This is hogwash. Here's proof that Rummel's cock is just a regular old cock.

The Opening Ceremony Was a Satanic Illuminati Occult Ritual and Other Olympic Conspiracy Theories

Max Read · 08/06/12 05:10PM

Is the 2012 London Olympics a flawed and corrupt but ultimately heartwarming celebration of athletic achievement and a sign of peace and cooperation among nations? Or is it a sinister occult ritual undertaken by the British Royal family and the Illuminati to summon ancient demons and secure their power over the mindless masses? The peaceful celebration, definitely. But that hasn't stopped the internet from doing what it does best: making weird YouTube videos and posting to conspiracy theory message boards. Behold, the best of the internet's Olympic conspiracy theories.

Please Help This Woman Who Hooked Up with 100m "Finalist" Find Out If He's Still Living with the Mother of His Child

A.J. Daulerio · 08/06/12 04:20PM

Soon after NBC re-aired Usain Bolt dominating the 100 meter final, we received this email from a woman who would like to spill the details of her ongoing fling in London with one of the other sprinters who is presumably not Usain Bolt. But she would like to sell her story anyway, even though most publications would probably not purchase the story unless it was about her sleeping with Usain Bolt. She tells us: