Justin Bieber, a Furbie toy given the ability to sing, held the LA premiere for his 3D concert movie Never Say Never last night. The red carpet was even uglier than usual. Let's take a look at all the atrocities unleashed by The Biebz.

The X Factor-winning belter is basically the Archie Andrews of pop music. She recently fell down an elevator shaft during a concert. In recent months she's been headbutted by her horse and punched in the face by a fan. Oof.

• Lady Gaga collapsed in her dressing room last night just before she was set to perform at Purdue University. Paramedics were called and she reported she was "feeling dizzy and having trouble breathing," and the concert had to be canceled. But she's okay today and has since apologized to her "little monsters" (fans) on Twitter, so everything is cool now. [Sun, MTV]
• Lindsay Lohan hung out with Jersey Shore's Paul "DJ Pauly D" Devecchio and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino at a club in LA the other night. If you, too, want to fist-pump with Pauly, you can: He'll be DJing at a Midtown baron Jan. 23, and the cover is only $10. [Us, NYP]
• George Clooney is hosting a telethon next week to raise funds for Haiti. Other celebs pitching in to help: Gisele Bundchen has pledged $1.5 million with husband Tom Brady; Madonna says she's good for $250K; and David Blaine is performing for three days in Times Square as part of a fundraiser for the Red Cross. [Us, NYDN, People]

• What caused the death of troubled socialite and heiress Casey Johnson, who was discovered dead in her LA home yesterday? It's too soon to say since toxicology results are pending, although at least one tabloid is suggesting prescription pills may have been involved. In a bizarre twist to the story, Johnson's "fiancée," reality TV star/fame addict Tila Tequila, tweeted last night that Johnson hadn't actually died and was really in a coma, before backtracking a little while later and acknowledging what had already been confirmed by the police. Tequila's also believed to be the last person to have seen the Johnson & Johnson heiress alive. [TMZ, NYP, NYDN]
• It looks like when Beyoncé performed in St. Barts on New Year's Eve, she was doing so at the behest of Hannibal Khadafy, the son of Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafy. This would be the same man who is rumored to have broken his wife's nose last month, was arrested in 2005 for punching her, and was detained by the police in Geneva in 2008 for beating his servants. So either Beyoncé is really hard up for cash (which is doubtful), or she needs someone to vet her public appearances going forward. [P6]
• The third White House state dinner crasher has been identified. His name is Carlos Allen and he's a DC-based party promoter, and he managed to sneak into the White House by hopping on a bus filled with Indian diplomats. [WP]
• Susan Sarandon has denied reports that she's involved with Jonathan Bricklin, her partner in SPiN, the ping pong club on the East Side. But a source close to the 31-year-old entrepreneur says Bricklin and Sarandon spent New Year's together and were very "touch-feely." [Fox411]

We couldn't make it to the premiere of Avatar in L.A. last night, because it's far. Fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern cashed in her frequent flier miles and made the trip for us. Here is her report.

• Lindsay Lohan may be into boys again, at least according to the Sun, since she supposedly spent the night with a male model who she'd been seen making out with the night before and later posted a picture of her new conquest on Twitter. Whether this is a make-Sam-jealous ploy or true love is hard to say, but rest assured her dad will probably weigh in on the matter by the end of the day. [Sun]
• A brazen jewelry thief busted into Amanda Peet's Tribeca loft on Wednesday and said, "What up, bitch? I live here" to Peet's assistant when she happened to walk in on the guy. He quickly fled, but let's hope she got out a "What up, mo fo?" before he was out of earshot. [P6]
• Jessica Simpson likes "spiritual," "artistic" and "intellectual" men because she "can bore out pretty easily." And now it's totally clear why her relationship with Tony Romo didn't work out. [Extra, People]
• CNN's Lou Dobbs says he's been receiving threatening phone calls and his house was shot at due to his views on immigration. But police don't have any any record that he's reported threats in the past and they think the shot was fired by a hunter. So, per usual, Dobbs is probably just full of crap. [P6]
• Michael Jackson's dad says his son is "worth more dead than when he was alive." The world already knew that was the way he felt, of course. But no one was expecting him to come right out and say it. [NYP]

• Lindsay Lohan could use a little good news today, especially since she's still dealing with the aftermath of her disastrous outing at Paris Fashion Week. Today is not going to be that day, unfortunately. Lohan is set to appear in court in LA a little later to answer questions about whether or not she's violated the terms of the probation she was given after she was busted for DUI a couple of years ago. Let's hope her powers of persuasion are in full effect. The judge could potentially sentence her to jail time, which would not only suck for LiLo, but would also leave Emmanuel Ungaro directionless, clearly. [TMZ, E!]
• Are John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston back together? Is she simply powerless to resist his advances? And have they spent the last few weeks meeting up for secret, romantic escapades around town? For the sake of Aniston's long-term mental health, let's hope none of those things are true. [Us, People]
• Go set your DVR. Tyra Banks plans to air the "first-ever televised colonic" on her show today. Just don't watch it while you're eating. [Dlisted, Tyra Show]

• Madonna reveals all sorts of juicy, personal stuff in an interview in the November issue of Rolling Stone. Like how she really wanted to work with Eminem, but he turned her down (ouch); how her graffiti tag name back in the '80s was "Boy Toy" (how ironic!); and how she was a total geek in high school, just like every other celeb in the universe. [P6, NYDN]
• Penelope Cruz is making a cameo in the Sex & the City sequel. Get ready to suspend belief: She'll be playing the role of a banker. [People]
• Emanuel Ungaro "creative consultant" Lindsay Lohan is blaming the epic disaster that was her recent fashion show in Paris on "coming in so late and having not that much time to do a whole collection." She also says she's still "learning" and that the negative press isn't going to stop her from returning to Paris in a few months to give it another shot. You go, girl! [People]
• Because he's a romantic at heart, Alex Rodriguez flew to Miami for a single night to take Kate Hudson to dinner. Oh, yea, and to see his kids, too. [P6]

Lindsay Lohan tries to explain her adventures in fashion. Britney Spears receives a dubious award. Joe Francis has no backbone. And we feel bad for Leona Lewis. Yes, it's your Thursday morning gossip roundup. It's it's chock full of nuts!

Jared Leto going for lunch with Moby in SoHo ... Jennifer Hudson leaving her hotel ... Bar Refaeli shopping in SoHo ... Chanel Iman walking in Bryant Park ... Rihanna going to dinner at Philippe with her assistant ... Bill Clinton getting into an SUV after an appearance on the Daily Show ... Suze Orman walking in the street ... Taylor Swift leaving her hotel with her mom ... Leona Lewis walking in SoHo ... India Arie walking by herself ... Alicia Keys getting in an SUV after a night out ... and Sarah Jessica Parker and Kristin Davis leaving a trailer on the set of Sex and the City 2.

• The drama surrounding fashion's most famous headbutt continues: Kiefer Sutherland says he was "defending the honor" of Brooke Shields by attacking Jack McCollough, since Jack had knocked Brooke over and then failed to apologize. Brooke and Jack, however, say the push never even happened, and Kiefer was running around drunk and "looking for something to smack." The police are now investigating the matter, since apparently there aren't more important crimes to be tackling right now. [TMZ, TMZ, NYDN, P6]
• Anna Wintour and Rihanna were acting like old pals at a Costume Institute afterparty on Monday night, which certainly bodes well for Rihanna's chances of landing a Vogue cover in the future. [NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan was supposed to chaperone her little sister to a party at LA's Roosevelt Hotel on Monday night, but ended up "getting up close and personal" with ex-boyfriend Jared Leto instead. [E!, P6]
• Casey Johnson, meanwhile, showed up to the same party and was overheard telling a friend that she and Courtenay Semel have broken up, again. [P6]

Alec Baldwin turns 51 today. Eddie Murphy is turning 48. Pop princess Leona Lewis is 24. Amanda Bynes is turning 23. 90210's Jennie Garth is 37. Mr. Las Vegas, Wayne Newton, is turning 67. Former ski champion Picabo Street is 38. Legendary actress Doris Day is turning 87. Actor David Hyde Pierce is 50. And Skid Row singer Sebastian Bach is 41. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

• Lindsay Lohan is reportedly moving into a temporary "therapeutic environment" run by Stephen and Daniel Baldwin, where she can "go to work and meetings," and "remove the negative influences in her life." Sounds like the basis for a great sitcom, too. [Fox 411]
• Holly Peterson—socialite, daughter of billionaire Pete Peterson, and author of The Manny—is calling it quits with her husband of 15 years, Goldman Sachs exec Richard Kimball Jr. [P6]
• Whitney Port and actor Robert Buckley hooked up at a party in Miami and were later spotted "making out at Nobu." [P6, OK!, E!]
• Fashion editors: They're just like us! Vogue's Andre Leon Talley was spotted "chowing down on chimichangas at Chili's" at LAX on Tuesday night. [P6]

There's one Hollywood role up for grabs that some of its biggest female stars want nothing to do with: the temptress whose text message began the fight between Rihanna and Chris Brown.

• It's still unclear what set off Chris Brown and Rihanna's fight on Sunday night (and both have been tucked away in hiding since it occurred). Could it have had something to do with Leona Lewis? Paris Hilton? Was a sexually transmitted disease involved? One person Brown might want to consider explaining himself to is Jay-Z, who reportedly "hit the roof" when he found out about the attack and is now telling friends that Chris is a "walking dead man." [Star, OK!, Gawker, NYP]
• Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love have been secretly dating for the past three weeks. Sounds like a perfect match. [Telegraph]
• Prince Harry is in trouble for making racially-insensitive comments. [Sun]

Hugh Jackman carrying daughter Ava across the street ... Katie Lee Joel leaving Pastis in the back of an SUV ... Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw buying pretzels on the corner of East 61st Street ... Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer leaving the Olive Tree Cafe on MacDougal Street ... Lauren Conrad leaving Butter with Holly Montag ... Leona Lewis filming her new music video in Brooklyn ... Katie Holmes and Suri shopping at J. Crew ... and Audrina Patridge catching a flight back to LA at JFK.

Rachel Zoe at the Mercer Hotel in SoHo ... Katie Holmes attending rehearsals ... Alec Baldwin shooting scenes for NBC's 30 Rock ... Whoopi Goldberg walking with her grandkids in SoHo ... Oprah Winfrey attending a charity event in New Jersey ... Leona Lewis leaving the studio after an appearance on Good Morning America ... and Lindsay Lohan out shopping in lieu of attending her grandfather's funeral.

· The two-hour season finale of The Biggest Loser earns NBC the runner-up spot on Tuesday, rousing Ben Silverman later that night with the 4 a.m. inspiration for a companion series: The Biggest Gainer will be a gluttonous exploitainment the likes of which the network hasn't seen since Feed The Bears. [Variety]
· Smugly vicious Idol judge Simon Cowell rendered all the more so by his The X Factor winner Leona Lewis's No. 1 position on Billboard—a first for a British artist. Also: Michael Johns lost because he has no personality. And: Randy Jackson has a boner. Further: Paula Abdul is drunk. [Variety]