After indicating earlier this year that it would create a new category specifically for medical marijuana trademarks, the US Patent and Trademark Office has now reversed itself. Which is good, because, dude. You cannot trademark "Maui Wowie." Come on, dude.

Why did Switzerland refuse to extradite fugitive rapist Roman Polanski back to America? Apparently, because of a paperwork mistake.

Fox News analyst and frequent Glenn Beck fill-in, Andrew Napolitano, recently went on CSPAN for an interview with Ralph Nader and said that George Bush and Dick Cheney should have been indicted "for torturing, for spying, for arresting without warrants."

In your profane Tuesday media column: the FCC's indecency policy is struck down, John King is an unpopular host, Playboy's future is cloudy, and Campbell Brown has a mere two weeks left on CNN—though she has our hearts forever.

The Swiss government said this morning it will not extradite cinematic auteur and skeezy rapist Roman Polanski to the US to face charges of raping an underage girl in 1977. Said the Swiss justice minister: "He's a free man." [NYT]

Here's video of a mounty arresting two people in Burnaby, BC last week as their RABID TERRIER tears at his leg. That's not the weird part. At :35 in, it seems a rodent disappears inside one suspect's... ass? Watch inside.

The sheriff in Nye County, Nevada decided that the county's district attorney was misusing public funds. So he had him arrested. But the DA declined to press charges against himself, and had the sheriff's deputy arrested. That's just the beginning.

Michael Mineo, the Brooklyn man who says cops sodomized him with a baton, saw the officers acquitted on criminal charges in February. Now, Mineo's lost most of his civil suit too (one claim's still pending). Sorry; rules are rules.

This week, the Supreme Court struck down like every handgun ban in America. Sure, some mothers of murdered children will whine. But take it from a certified Fox News psychologist: gun ownership is essential to our very sanity.

The Supreme Court overturned an injunction against planting genetically modified alfalfa seeds made by evil Frankenfood conglomerate Monsanto. The Agriculture Department says the seeds should be approved "in time for next spring's planting." Trust in Monsanto. What could go wrong?

Albert Trummer, co-owner of the Chinatown bar Apotheke, was arrested by fire marshals Sunday for setting liquor aflame on his bar. Flaming bars outlawed in New York? If only there were some humor to be found here. [NYT. Pic via]

The New York Times and the Wall Street Journal are locked in a mortal newspaper war that will determine the future of American journalism, etc, etc. Haha, but seriously they are arguing over marketing slogans, now.

"The Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that suspects must explicitly tell police they want to be silent to invoke Miranda protections during criminal interrogations." You must speak your right to silence. Makes perfect sense, here on Mars. [AP via Wonkette. Related.]

Yesterday officials from Washington "left little doubt that the Obama administration is prepared to go to court if necessary in a bid to block the new law." Governor Jan Brewer said she'd take it to the Supreme Court. [AP]

James O'Keefe, famed young fake ACORN pimp and Breitbart employee, has been found guilty of a misdemeanor for tampering with Sen. Mary Landrieu's office phones, in a "caper." Thunderous self-righteous Breitbart Twitter explosion...already here. [WP]

Girls Gone Wild's Joe Francis—the last man we can safely call a douchebag—sent us some half-literate legal threats after we named him Douche of the Decade. What's Joe up to now? Sending half-literate legal threats to bloggers, still.

In your finally Friday media column: Brian Tierney goes 3-D, an attorney general bravely takes on Twitter, Sarah Ellison and Michael Wolff work the same territory, and Rafat Ali is ready to do...something else.

A Staten Island teacher won an initial court ruling after she was suspended for allowing students to write down penis-related Yiddishisms in an HIV education class. She is now seeking $1 million in damages from the city. [NYT, pic]

More on yesterday's 11-month jail sentence for hometown subterranean vandalartist, Poster Boy: PB missed his May 6 court date, and was punished for it by an irate judge. Damn. His book is scheduled to be published June 1. [NYP, AnimalNY]

U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder is considering a challenge to Arizona's immigration bill.