The final season of The Hills, MTV's reality television experiment gone awry, doesn't start until April 27th and we're already sick of hearing about this crew. Once the show wraps, can we wipe it from our collective memory forever?

The blood of a thousand PR assistants runs through the streets after a frightful error leaves Wintour in the cold. Elin debates attending Tiger's press conference. Gabourey Sibide is so over Vanity Fair's all-white Young Hollywood issue. Thursday gossip ahoy!

[Kristin Cavallari of "The Hills" in classical garb while waiting for her suitcase at LAX; image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Alex Rodriguez's plan to bed every woman in Hollywood continues apace. The Yankee and Cameron Diaz are now hooking up, according to OK!, although now that the news is out, he's probably already moved on to someone new. Which is too bad, really, since RodDiaz has a nice ring to it. [OK!]
• Michael Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray, was charged with involuntary manslaughter yesterday. (He pleaded not guilty and faces up to four years behind bars if convicted.) At the arraignment, prosecutors asked that Murray's medical license be revoked, but a judge turned down the request, so if you've been wondering what it's like to get pumped up with propofol, you still have time. [NYP, TMZ]
• It's been a busy week for Angelina Jolie. Yesterday she and Brad Pitt said they plan to sue Britain's News of the World for reporting that they're planning to divorce. And today she's off to Haiti to meet with earthquake victims, since they've been requesting her help—or so she says. [Us, PE]
• She may have spent every episode of Jersey Shore whining about not having a boyfriend, but Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi seems to have landed the man of her dreams: a "typical guido juicehead with a good personality," who also has waxed eyebrows, double-pierced ears, and a penchant for Ed Hardy. [NYDN]
• Despite recent reports that Donald and Melania Trump are having marriage troubles, The Donald says "all is well." Then again he said the same thing when his casinos were going bankrupt and his real estate holdings were imploding, so you may want to take his denial with a grain of salt. [People]

When Kristin Cavallari stopped by The Bonnie Hunt Show today, Bonnie had the cojones to ask about her Hills castmate's recent surgery. Kristin, who's known Heidi since she was 18, made some remarks about seeing the transformation firsthand.

Actor Bradley Cooper turns 35 today. January Jones of Mad Men is turning 32. Charlie Rose is 68. Diane Keaton is turning 64. Actor Robert Duvall is 79. Publishing heiress Amanda Hearst is 26. Marilyn Manson is turning 41. Former Vice President Walter Mondale is 82. Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell turns 66 today. King Carlos of Spain is turning 72. Fashion reporter Steven Cojocaru is 45. Carrie Ann Inaba, the judge from Dancing with the Stars, is turning 42. The Hills' Kristin Cavallari is 23. And former Love Boat actor Ted Lange celebrates his 62nd birthday today.

Sadly another season of this show has come and gone. Like most episodes, nothing happened, but the plot still seemed to progress. That's why we translated the action into serial comic form. It's later, the same day...

On The Hills, nothing ever happens, but the plot still unfolds. It's like reading one of those serialized comics in the funny pages. Now you can see exactly what we mean, because we made our own.

Click to viewNothing ever seems to happen on The Hills, yet the plot still progresses. It's like another masterpiece of serialized fiction: Apartment 3G. Ever wonder what this show would look like as a comic strip?

Heidi got some puppies for her birthday, but that's not enough. She has her prop neighbor child over to try to convince Spencer it's time to have kids. We know she's not ready, but she's already practicing by telling stories.

It happened to Paris Hilton, and now Justin Bobby's cell phone has been hacked! The internet was abuzz today with all of the text messages he's been sending. We have the full transcript and a video!

There was a lot of ticking last night. Heidi's biological clock was making noise and so was the time bomb of Roxy working at People's Revolution. Oh, and Audrina was ticked off, but no one seems to care.

The Hills are on fire! Everyone is talking about last night's sixth season premiere, but it looks like Lauren Conrad leaving has doomed the show. Know what, who cares? The City is a million times better, anyway.

Learning about how much the stars of The Hills make will make you want to vomit. If it doesn't make you want to vomit, it will surely make you want be on TV. Both are appropriate reactions.

Olivia Palermo walking in the West Village ... Anna Wintour leaving Monkey Bar ... Hayden Panettiere leaving her hotel ... Chris Meloni eating at Pastis ... Pierce Brosnan carrying coffee on the set of Remember Me in Queens ... Kristin Cavallari arriving at MTV's studios ... Michelle Trachtenberg talking on her cell phone in the meatpacking district ... Wentworth Miller and Mariska Hargitay shooting scenes for Law and Order: SVU ... Columnist George F. Will having lunch with a young blonde woman at Extra Virgin in the West Village ... and Taylor Momsen sipping Diet Coke on the set of Gossip Girl.

["Hills" star Kristin Cavallari greets a fan outside the MTV studios; image via Splash]

Britney is hell bent on meeting the Queen and is planning a "pop-in," Kristin Cavallari is pissing off Audrina Patridge on the set of The Hills, Brangelina denies breakup rumors AGAIN, and Jon Gosselin and his mistress are photographed on vacation.

• Madonna's backup dancers haven't been making friends at the Bryant Park Hotel. Reports a staffer: "They are presumptuous and cheap. Nearly every one of them have stiffed their bellman and servers, and what's worse is they have tons of stuff." [P6]
• The situations continues to deteriorate for Lindsay Lohan: She's rumored to be pawning jewelry to pay the bills. [Star via Popcrunch]
• Britney intends to "drop by Buckingham Palace" and say hi to the Queen when she's in London, which is awfully generous of her, isn't it? [Mirror]
• The circumstances surrounding David Carradine's death are still a little murky. Suicide? Sex-related accidental death? The investigation is still underway. [People, Us, TMZ]

I am of course referring to Kristin Cavallari, Lauren Conrad's arch nemesis. Now that LC is leaving the reality show she built with meek facial expressions, MTV has tapped the villainess to do 10 episodes.

Worst birthday ever: Embattled Citigroup CEO Vikram Pandit turns 52 today, although we're going to assume that whatever big party Swati Pandi had been planning is not going ahead as scheduled. Others celebrating: 60 Minutes' Andy Rooney is turning 90. Fox News anchor Shepard Smith is 45. The New York Times' Maureen Dowd is 57. Models Karen Elson and Angela Lindvall are both turning 30. Filmmaker Steven Soderbergh is 46. Cranky liberal Eric Alterman is 49. Venture capitalist (and babe magnet) Adam Dell is turning 39. Jason Bateman is 40. Dave Grohl is celebrating his 40th. LL Cool J is 41. Faye Dunaway is turning 68. And Ms. Kristin Cavallari is turning 22 today.