Here’s the thing about nature: It will fuck up your shit.

Though I enjoy a good slice of American Cheez Food Product as much as the next unsophisticated child, I would not be so bold as to declare that product to be "healthy." Prestigious nutritionists bound to differ!

You, the American consumer, do not know any science, but you do know you want all of those "artificial flavors" and "artificial colors" out of your processed garbage food. Or at least you want to believe they're out.

Millions of packages of Polly-O and Kraft string cheese that came from a plant in upstate New York have been recalled after complaints that the cheese was discolored and spoiled too soon—enough to cause a devastating string cheese shortage all across the U.S.

Attention, readers: this is not a test. This is not a drill. Please, without panicking, stop what you are doing and make your way to the nearest supermarket. Now. America may—and we stress may—be running out of Velveeta.

In a big win for people who spend their time petitioning mega corporations to make unhealthy foods mildly healthier, Kraft Food Group Inc. announced Thursday that they will begin removing dyes from their famously-bright macaroni and cheese.

Like a pair of pre-ripped jeans from Abercrombie or a distressed logo tee from Zazzle, America's food conglomerates are embracing a more easy breezy natural look when it comes to your food. And as expected, making processed food seem unprocessed involves more processing.

A day late, but no shortness of likes for this surprising pro-pride promotion from Oreo-brand cookies.

Kraft Foods Inc. announced today that it plans to change its corporate name to Mondelēz International, Inc.

Last week, Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shortey introduced a bill that would ban "the manufacture or sale of food or products which use aborted human fetuses." But which foods or products use aborted human fetuses? Let's investigate.

Americans love cheez. Cheez has made Kraft the most powerful cheez corporation on earth. Now, the company is making a $50 million advertising gamble that it can get Americans to try something new: cheese.

For too long, Hispanic Americans have been forced to tolerate a world in which artificial food products were not advertised to them with satisfactory ferocity. No longer. You Spanish-speakin' people want some dang Kool Aid? We gotcher Kool Aid!

American food, despite having devolved to the point that it is totally formulated by scientists, manufactured by machines, ergonomically packaged, and full of ingredients that do not occur in the natural world, is still a bit too challenging—and downright complicated—for many of our citizens. So Kraft, which makes many of your favorite brands of junk food, is dumbing down its packaging and product offerings so even the most simple among us can enjoy pudding, Cool Whip, and cheese slices. All together, even!