China has given the world many great trends, like Super-Long Walls and Mixing Things With Noodles. But this whole "Attack a School With Knives For No Apparent Reason" trend is...not your best work, China. Nevertheless, it grows ever more popular.
The bond between mother and child is one of the most precious relationships possible. The more kids, the better: if mom accidentally murders one in a horrifically zany knife throwing act gone awry, there's always another to love/stab.
After McDonald's and the Black Eyed Peas, America's most successful cultural exports are the Bloods and Crips. Londoners have recognized that our gangs are much stronger brands! But they're doing Blue-on-Red gang war the UK way.
UK kids are always stabbing each other. But now the problem has been solved. With the resurrection of 'Choose Your Own Adventure' stories! On YouTube! About knife safety! Your mission: Sexxx up the underage girl without getting stabbed. Fun below!
Hipster farmers are pussies. Yuppie foodies are embarrassing half-men. But butchers—so fucking hot, OMG. All the blood. All the meat. All the editing in the world can't conceal NYT reporter Kim Severson's butcher lust:
The Satanic Myspace page of 16-year-old John Katehis, who confessed to murdering newsman George Weber, has already been deleted. We've salvaged quite a few of his photos. Here, the complete, creepy collection:
The British knife crime epidemic has gone virtual! Are your kids safe when they go online-safe from knives? No! Not while Facebook was condoning the existence of a "SuperPoke" application that allowed thuggish social networkers to "Shank" their friends. Thank god the UK tabloids have hollered enough to ensure that none of our children will be virtually shanked again! The Sun is outraged. In London there have been 21 teen knife murders this year! That's the average total from a single LA house party gone wrong, but no matter. The manufacturer of SuperPoke, Slide, has pulled the application, and these digital knife-pokings have been stopped. Should everyone now go to jail?
