Scientists, whose life is basically spent telling people what they already knew, have confirmed: Whining is the most annoying sound, ever.

Perhaps trying to establish himself in a new neighborhood, a 30-year-old Brooklyn man got tough with a pair of teenagers who were kicking cars and trash cans on his block early on Sunday. After the kids mouthed off to Thomas Dunikowski and his new neighbors, Dunikowski decided that he just wasn't going to take it anymore:

What's worse than a story about how a group of children were fined $500 by Montgomery County for operating a lemonade stand without a permit outside the site of this weekend's US Open? How about the fact that they were going to donate their proceeds to a pediatric cancer-fighting charity? Don't worry, though, because all the middle-aged men charging $50 to park on their lawns are doing just fine. [via WUSA]

A Louisville, KY man has been arrested and charged with attempted murder for shooting a kid who was playing Ring and Run, ringing someone's doorbell then running away, with his friends. When his doorbell rang, 56-year-old Michael Bishop ran outside with his shotgun and fired in the direction of the fleeing kids, hitting a 12-year-old boy. So beware, neighborhood pranksters. [Courier-Journal, photo via Shutterstock]

New get rich quick scheme: A researcher has found that when a kid hears a song that is likely to become popular, a brain scan will show the reward center of their brain going nuts. Whoa. That is crazy.

Lady Gaga is nothing if not fascinating. Some would even suggest she's inexplicable. So if all of us grownups have trouble explaining the phenomenon, it pretty much goes without saying that group of children—like the one in the above video, reacting to Gaga's recent interview with David Letterman—wouldn't be able to either. [The Fine Brothers]

Paige Wiser was the TV critic at the Chicago Sun-Times. She was fired yesterday for fabricating part of a review. But she might still have a job if it wasn't for her damn kids.

In the olden days, your parents used to smoke weed that was not chemically distinguishable from banana peels, which gave them a "hippy dippy" feeling, the most dangerous side effect of which was an affinity for neo-folk tunes. Today, you kids smoke chronic and shoot each other, or at least make up "freestyle raps" about same.

Students at Russellville Middle School in Arkansas hilariously included a list of the "Top 5 worst people of all time" in their yearbook, and the school is getting in some trouble thanks to the fourth and fifth ranked recipients of this historic award.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg is taking heat for recent comments he made about how he'd like to let kids under 13 on Facebook. Let the kids play, we say.

Do you think Ronald McDonald is creepy? Same here. All clowns are creepy. Just don't try telling that to McDonald's executives, who say he is "a force for good" in this cruel, cruel world.

Two mayors in Massachusetts are livid over brownies called Lazy Cakes, that contain 8mg of sleep aid melatonin, saying the cartoon on the package is a scheme to attract children. The mayors of Fall River and New Bedford now want them banned. One doctor called the Lazy Cakes marketing scheme "heinous," while one mayor called it "despicable." So much anger, man. But the company told the Boston Herald that Lazy Larry, the budget brownie version of Sponge Bob, isn't meant to attract kids at all:

Way back in senior year of high school, you were probably so jealous of whoever was voted "Most Likely to Succeed," weren't you? Okay, probably not. But have you ever thought of the long term psychological effects of trying to live up that? We certainly wouldn't know what that's like, but apparently it's not very easy! In fact, many see it as "a curse" later in life.

Facebook is like the world's biggest elementary school, with 5 million kids under the age of 10, according to a new special report by Consumer Reports. This, even though Facebook officially doesn't allow anyone under the age of 13.

Attention! Parents! Alert! Is your child out, in the public? A sex perv may be photographing your child right now, for his own, nefarious/sexual purposes. That's why New Jersey lawmakers have proposed a bill that would ban photographs of kids.

There are ways to summon magical beings: A tooth under the pillow summons the tooth fairy. Clapping saves Tinkerbell. And a gymnasium full of school children line dancing to "Move Your Body" guarantees that Beyoncé shows up. Here's another video of stiletto-clad Beyoncé materializing during a "Move Your Body" workout, this time at P.S. 161 in Harlem. Apparently giving tween girls heart attacks is part of Michelle Obama's Let's Move campaign? Although these girls are actually pretty blasé. I can't decide if they knew that Beyoncé was coming, or were just like, "Oh, like the viral video. Duh."

The students of Sandra Kay Daniels' 2nd grade class at Emma E. Booker Elementary School, in Sarasota, FL., were accidental footnotes to history — eyewitnesses to President Bush's stunned, seven-minute reaction to the news that the World Trade Center had been struck by hijacked passenger planes on the morning of September 11, 2001.

Over the past couple of months, any discerning adult should've had no problem concluding that Charlie Sheen is an insane, drug-addled trainwreck. But as this new video from the Fine Brothers shows, even children have no trouble figuring out how crazy Sheen is after watching some of his recent interviews.

If you're a parent in New York and your kid is playing wiffle ball, tag or Red Rover this summer well, you're a horrible person. The New York Department of Health has drafted a list of "risky recreational activities" that could potentially kill or maim your kid this summer, and the previously mentioned games fit that bill. The list is an attempt to clamp down on deadly summer camps:

Just a week after we learned of a baby who got drunk at Applebee's and a toddler who got soused at Olive Garden comes the story of Brooklyn Davis, a four year-old who got hammered at a Chili's outside of Chicago. Three is a trend!