Everything in this bourgeoise white-trash mother's life is going so well that she must search high and low for things to outrage her. WAIT! Did her daughter's Miley Cyrus doll just swear? Sure, that'll do. Local news, activate!

Frosty the Snowman was at one point just a snowman. An object, doomed to melt from inevitable warmth. When a magical hat is placed atop Frosty's head, he not only becomes animated, but he must warm his chilled loins.

The ultimate competition: Running, Diving, and drinking grape juice. Who will come out on top?

Most people yank their kids' baby teeth out with a door and some floss. But this girl's parents got a little more creative with their do-it-yourself dentistry — they dragged in a pet cat and an RC car!

This is why kids shouldn't be let near guns. This one can't handle firing a starchy root vegetable, let alone real bullets.

Pop-warner is supposed to teach kids about sportsmanship, competitive spirit, and football fundamentals. Tell that to the kids who are alternating between giving other kids concussions and smoking on the sidelines.

Watch as these adorable children reenact the real story of Thanksgiving. You know, the one that involved raping, pillaging, and destroyed your holiday spirit when you learned the truth in History class.

Parents have enough to worry about these days. Add roving gangs of hostile turkeys stealing children's bicycles to that list.

Saying "sparkling wiggles" may sound like a cute thing for this little girl to say until you watch this video.

This clip comes from a 1987 Nickelodeon show that focused around asking "famous people" questions. There's got to be at least twenty familiar faces in this video, who do you recognize?

Featuring a boy playing with a silver bullet among his other toys in a commercial is a risky advertising move to say the least.

How many kicks to the groin would it take for this girl to start wailing on your sad, crumpled body before you begged her to stop? (Hint: 1)

Watch as children gleefully giggle at watching a small dog chase a ball on a string around and around the kitchen.

Remember when you were a kid and parents and teachers would terrify you out of talking to strangers? Did you take candy from them anyway? These kids, exploited interviewed for a documentary on "raising street-smart children," probably did!

People have been turning to drug dealing and donating blood to remain afloat amid the recession, so it's probably natural that some parents are trying to make ends meet by forcing their kids into acting and modeling in the hopes of turning them into mini-ATM machines.

Considering their billion dollar charitable trusts, the answer points to "No."

when asked whether Spike Jonze's movie based on his book Where the Wild Things Are is too scary for kids in a Newsweek interview.

You're the Prime Minister of Spain. Your rarely seen daughters are tabloid sensations after an embargo on posting photographs of them is broken when pictures of them dressed as badass goths leak everywhere. So: what do you do? Run interference.

Here's Barack and Michelle Obama with Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero and his family. The State Department uploaded it to Flickr. (What an unlikely sentence!) Whoops—no one in Spain has ever seen Zapatero's Goth daughters before!

Maybe angry nightlife people do have something to be pissed about: rules! A little girl and her dad were surrounded, yelled at, and fined $50 by Parks Department officials in Riverside Park. For having a lemonade stand. [NYP via Gothamist]