kids-these-days
Someone Please Hire All the Teenagers
Hamilton Nolan · 08/21/13 09:56AM
Just as "high school" was invented as a way to keep teenagers off the streets most of the year, "summer jobs" were invented as a way to keep them off the streets for the remainder of the year. But even five years after the Great Recession struck, summer jobs are as scarce as [reference to some teen-specific buzzword here]. Can someone hire these fucking kids, please?
Evil Librarian Tells Kid Who Loves Books to Stop Reading So Much
Neetzan Zimmerman · 08/19/13 01:59PMSoda is Turning Our Children Into Toy-Crushing Monsters
Maggie Lange · 08/16/13 11:56AM
Soda is a nutritious beverage that will aid your physical health with all sorts of micro-probiotic-raw-superfood wellness, said no one. It's not good thing to put in your body and we all know that. Soda's effect on the mind and behavior has not been so frequently observed. Now, a study in the Journal of Pediatrics connects drinking too much soda to behavioral problems and violence in young kids.
Georgia Student Faces Years In Prison Over Joke Tumblr Threat
Max Rivlin-Nadler · 08/11/13 11:57AMKids Need More Coffee and Less Ritalin
Hamilton Nolan · 08/09/13 11:21AM
Kids these days are straight up zooted and bouncing off the emergency room walls, thanks to copious supplies of Adderrall and Ritalin and all the other ADHD drugs that they got from you. (They learned it by watching you, okay?) If we'd simply been giving our kids Vivarin this whole time, none of this would have happened.
Florida's Hunger Games-Themed Summer Camp for Kids Is Insane
Neetzan Zimmerman · 08/06/13 03:35PMKid Who Misspelled Jeopardy Answer: I Was Cheated; Jeopardy: Tough Shit
Neetzan Zimmerman · 08/05/13 02:22PM
An unfortunate typo that left a young Jeopardy! contestant in tears is sparking cries of protests among the show's adult audience.
Utah Beauty Queen Arrested for Throwing Homemade Bombs at Houses
Neetzan Zimmerman · 08/05/13 12:25PM
Authorities in Utah have arrested four teens, including a recently crowned beauty queen, and charged them with setting off an incendiary device after they allegedly tossed homemade bombs at local homes and residents.
Preteen Boy Holds Up Lemonade Stand with a BB Gun
Neetzan Zimmerman · 08/01/13 04:52PM
Police in Johnstown, Pennsylvania, say a 12-year-old boy armed with a BB gun robbed a local lemonade stand being run by a group of younger boys.
Afghanistan's College Students Are Just Like Ours: Dumb and Angry
Hamilton Nolan · 07/30/13 09:53AMThe College Boom Has Peaked
Hamilton Nolan · 07/26/13 09:31AM
An entire generation of Americans has been sold the idea of higher education as a panacea for all ills. That generation of Americans is now shackled with giant and unsustainable levels of student debt. And now, it appears that the big college tidal wave has crested, and is beginning to crash down.
Two Teen Girls Take ‘Pre-Robbery Selfie’ with Masks and Knife
Neetzan Zimmerman · 07/25/13 10:55AM
A pair of teenage girls who were arrested on suspicion of robbery in late March could have possibly talked their way out of it — had they not snapped a selfie of themselves dressed as robbers and holding a knife just before allegedly committing the crime.
College Student Sends Letter to Nirvana Asking for Homecoming Message
Neetzan Zimmerman · 07/24/13 10:18AM
A college student who must have just woken up from a pre-birth coma sent a letter to Sub Pop, Nirvana's one-time record label, asking if the band, which broke up following the suicide of its frontman Kurt Cobain, would be so kind as to record a Homecoming Week message for her school.
Unconventional ‘Hipsters’ Have Been Located in St. Louis, Missouri
Hamilton Nolan · 07/24/13 08:46AM
What is the "hipster?" What does he or she do, and look like? Where does the hipster lurk? Intrepid journalists have spent years tracking hipsters in their natural habitats of Brooklyn and "the internet." Now, hipsters have been tracked all the way to the frontiers of St. Louis.
Kids of the Future Will Be Denied Sweet Taco Bell Memories
Hamilton Nolan · 07/23/13 08:37AMSubway ‘Sandwich Artist’ Puts Penis on Bread, Posts Pic on Instagram
Neetzan Zimmerman · 07/22/13 06:15PM
You'd think that, with the recent rash of news stories covering fast food employees getting canned for posting photos of themselves mishandling food to their social media accounts, other restaurant industry workers would arrive at the conclusion that following in their footsteps would be a bad move on their part.
Hamilton Nolan · 07/22/13 09:50AM
Have you talked with your teen about the dangers of inhaling blow darts?
Teen Boys Wear Skirts to School to Protest Ban on Shorts
Neetzan Zimmerman · 07/19/13 02:54PM
A group of schoolboys have decided to protest an administrative ban on short by wearing skirts to class.
Kids Watch Interracial Cheerios Ad, Have No Idea Why It's Controversial
Neetzan Zimmerman · 07/15/13 03:04PMThe Fine Bros. have been subjecting their cavalcade of camera-ready kids to a whole host of stupid, silly, and pointless videos since practically the start of the Internet, but this week they decided to get all serious by showing their troupe of tots the now-infamous interracial Cheerios commercial.