Olivia Palermo and boyfriend Johannes Huebl leaving the Apple store in SoHo ... Mischa Barton arriving on the set of The Beautiful Life with a cigarette in her mouth, and Elle Macpherson walking in front of her trailer on the set of the same movie ... Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian leaving their hotel ... Kelly Killoren Bensimon posing for a photo shoot downtown ... Jerry Springer walking inside his hotel in Midtown ... Karina Smirnoff posing for photographers outside Live with Regis and Kelly ... actress Ashley Madekwe walking in the Village ... Blake Lively shooting scenes for Gossip Girl ... Rachel McAdams getting out of an SUV ... Renee Zellweger wrapped up in a blanket for an Elle photo shoot at Griffin ... and Rosanna Arquette and daughter Zoe Sidel hanging out at The Pretenders concert in Central Park.

• Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps got into a car accident in Baltimore last night, but there were no serious injuries reported. [NYDN]
• The father of Khloe Kardashian's baby is her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Scott Disick. She was hoping to keep the info a secret to get people to tune into her upcoming reality show, but then her sister Kim ruined the surprise. [P6]
• Don't be surprised if you hear Mischa Barton's checked herself into the hospital again. She's been out, oh, two weeks now and the British tabloids are focusing on all the cellulite she has, poor thing. [DM]
• Heidi Pratt says she has "20-30 orgasms per day" with husband Spencer Pratt. Could this be because she experiences what she thinks is an orgasm every time she sees her name appear in tabloid or gossip outlet? Just an idea. [P6]

• First Michael Jackson dies, and now this? It seems it's over for Tinsley Mortimer and her husband, Topper, now that Tinz is in London where she's taken up with a German prince named Casimir Wittgenstein-Sayn. Why the change of heart? For starters, "Cassie" makes more money than Topper and owns a castle in Germany. Even more importantly, marrying him would finally make the Tinz a princess. And opportunities like that don't come along every day, naturally. [P6, DM]
• Bradley Cooper denied rumors the other day that he's been dating Jennifer Aniston. One possible reason for that: It looks like he's involved with Renee Zellweger instead. [P6]
• Kevin Jonas is engaged. He's one of those annoying Jonas Brothers, in case you're not up to speed on your annoying teen pop stars. [People]
• A few years ago, someone walking through the meatpacking district would have complained about the stench of rotting meat. Nowadays? They're whining that Diane von Furstenberg's store is pumping perfume into the air. [P6]

Derek Jeter turns 35 today. Filmmaker Paul Thomas Anderson is turning 39. Patty Smyth is 52. Jason Schwartzman is turning 29. Music impresario Irv Gotti is 39. So is former music exec-turned-marketing honcho Steve Stoute. Joanna Molloy of the Daily News is 54. Art director George Lois is turning 78. Actor Sean Hayes is 39. Guitarist Mick Jones is turning 54. Chris Isaak turns 53. Chris O'Donnell is turning 39. Former Jets quarterback Chad Pennington is 33. And scandal-plagued quarterback Michael Vick turns 29 today. Weekend birthdays below.

In case you're wondering what ever happened to publicist not-so-extraordinaire Jonathan Cheban since the glory days of 2005 when he could be seen posing for photographs holding two phones in his hands at once, the answer was revealed on E! last night. (If you don't know who Cheban is and you'd like to get up to speed, see here, here, here and here.) Cheban made an appearance on the acclaimed reality TV show Keeping Up with the Kardashians yesterday, although the Lizzie Grubman protégé was forced to pay the role of confidante to Khloe Kardashian—not Kim—which should give you a good sense for what has happened to his career as a publicist/promoter the past few years.

Kelly Ripa jogging in Central Park ... Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr walking their dog ... Danny DeVito filming scenes for his new movie, When In Rome ... Michelle Williams walking with Matilda in Brooklyn ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts pushing son Alexander in a stroller in the West Village ... Jay Mohr carrying his dog in Midtown ... Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian leaving Owl Lab on East 12th Street ... and Josh Duhamel getting out of a cab in front of his hotel.

But you won't. No one ever will. Also in the news are Chris Brown and Rihanna (for the first time ever), Britney Spears, Katie Holmes, Madonna, and Tommy-Tom Brady.

Alicia Keys talking on her phone in Midtown ... Khloe Kardashian and Joan Rivers selling cupcakes as part of a segment for Celebrity Apprentice ... Whitney Port walking with a friend around the Central Park Reservoir ... Chris Noth walking down Broadway ... Katie Holmes and Suri leaving their apartment on East 13th ... Gary Sinise and Russell Crow leaving ABC studios ... Aubrey O'Day posing on the red carpet at Bowlmor Lanes ... Debra Messing outside the Letterman show ... Actress Famke Janssen and her boyfriend walking their dog on Prince Street ... And Kourtney Kardashian and her boyfriend Scott Disick leaving their hotel in Midtown, just a few minutes before Jimmy Kimmel and CSI star Eddie Cahill stepped out, too.

Anna Wintour, John Lithgow, and Les Moonves and Julie Chen (left) watching a match at the US Open ... Rachael Ray buying fruits and veggies at the Greenmarket ... The four American Idol judges on a red carpet at Chelsea Piers ... Supermodel Miranda Kerr taking a stroll downtown ... Don Cheadle waving outside the David Letterman show ... ... Carmen Electra blowing kisses from her SUV ... Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian acting like idiots at JFK ... Vanessa Minnillo shuttling between talk show appearances in Midtown ... Lindsay Price heading into an event at the Empire Hotel ... and Katie Holmes showing up to watch a performance of August: Osage County.

First we were forced to give reluctant props to reality wannabe Khloe Kardashian, and now this: Paris Hilton has starred in a new video rebutting John McCain's "Celeb" ad, and it's...sigh, not that bad. Sure, we can give the lion's share of credit to writer Adam McKay (though he didn't help Step Brothers any), but the dim-bulb heiress totally nails her lines, forcing our grudging admiration. Just one bit of advice, Paris: though your proposed energy plan is intriguing, you'd better stay away from Tyra as VP.

For anyone who had a sneaking suspicion that yesterday's earthquake was just the beginning of the end, we offer you more proof: marginally recognizable drunk driver Khloe Kardashian has taken it upon herself to give advice to accident-plagued Shia LaBeouf ... and she suggests exactly what countless Defamer commenters have already recommended (namely, why don't these rich kids have drivers already)? Says Us Magazine:

• Did Uma Thurman and Arki Busson get secretly married during their engagement party earlier this month? If so, does that mean the European vacation they're on right now is really a honeymoon? [Page Six]