John Mayer leaving a Krav Maga session on West 22nd Street ... Sarah Jessica Parker and Caroline Kennedy making a promotional appearance at the Barnes & Nobles in Tribeca ... Alex Rodriguez having lunch outside at Bar Pitti ... Katie Holmes signing autographs outside the Schoenfeld Theatre ... Madonna and son David walking into the Kabbalah Center ... Sandra Bernhard leaving the center with her daughter hours later ... Kate Walsh and Barry Sonnenfeld outside the Letterman show ... Britney Spears heading inside Soho House ... and Jay-Z standing on the sidewalk in the West Village.

[Actress Katie Holmes arriving at the Schoenfeld theater last night, where she is performing in "All My Sons," a play about yelling; image via INF] fileunder's new line beats the original, "Ha Ha. No, No. I Just Call 911 Sometimes Just To See If It's Working. Nope. Nothing... Wrong."

Madonna carrying son David into the Kabbalah Center on East 48th Street ... Whitney Port walking in SoHo ... Blake Lively shooting a scene for Gossip Girl in Times Square ... Pete Wentz leaving the SoHo Grand with a coffee in hand ... Denzel Washington and wife Pauletta leaving lunch at Nello's ... Clay Aiken leaving the Shubert Theater ... Jennifer Hudson posing for photos outside MTV in Times Square ... Anne Hathaway standing outside outside the Letterman show ... Katie Holmes leaving her apartment en route to the Schoenfeld Theatre ... and Britney Spears making her way into the Fragment jewelry store on Prince Street, then checking out In The Heights on Broadway later that night.

Click to viewBoomp3.com After living on the planet earth for nearly two years, Suri Cruise finally revealed to a stunned crowd of on lookers that she is in fact, a being from another planet brought here to save the planet. A distressed hedge funder asked Suri if she knew how to solve the current problems with Wall Street, but Suri explained that she first going to focus on solving all of the issues on Main Street. [Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

• People snagged those Clay Aiken baby pictures for $500,000 after newly-frugal OK! dropped out of the bidding. [P6]

Kate Winslet picking up her kids from school with her ex-husband, Jim Threapleton ... David and Victoria Beckham shopping on Fifth Avenue ... Michelle Williams' daughter Matilda walking in the rain with her nanny ... Mariska Hargitay walking on the street ... Ali Larter outside the Today show ... Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise, and Suri leaving Alice's Tea Cup on East 64th Street ... Jennifer Hudson showing up to an appearance on BET's 106 & Park ... Michael Cera and Julia Louis-Dreyfus outside the Letterman show ... Jennifer Lopez making an appearance at Macy's in Herald Square for the launch of her new fragrance ... Rapper T.I. leaving the Waverly Inn ... and Britney Spears leaving Serendipity 3 with a bunch of handlers.

Click to viewBoomp3.com Well-liked movie star Tom Cruise took on the difficult task of escorting the greatest actress in the history of Broadway, Katie Holmes, out for dinner in New York City the other night. Cruise made sure that his beloved significant other wore an outfit similar to his, so they would not get lost in the blinding darkness of 42nd street. Cruise felt the matching shiny suits would help reflect the light in the night as the twosome slowly moved into their awaiting SUV. Cruise said, “I would be so lost if I ever lost my beloved in the big city. That’s why I have to keep such a tight hold of her.” [Photo Credit: INF Daily] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Matt Damon unpacking luggage with his wife and daughter in front of his apartment building on Lafayette Street ... Britney Spears arriving at JFK ... Cameron Diaz walking in the Village with boyfriend Paul Sculfor ... David and Victoria Beckham making an appearance at Macy's in Herald Square for the launch of their new fragrance ... Taylor Momsen on the set of Gossip Girl in Queens ... Katie Holmes carrying Suri and then later heading to dinner with Tom at Il Valentino on East 56th Street ... Anne Hathaway leaving the premiere of The Class at Avery Fisher Hall ... Jennifer Hudson at the airport ... James Franco looking at his Blackberry ... Brooke Shields leaving NBC after an appearance on Conan O'Brien's show ... and Michelle Williams leaving the premiere of her new movie, Wendy and Lucy, at the Ziegfeld Theater.

Whitney Port of The Hills eating lunch with musician Jay Lyon at Extra Virgin on West 4th Street ... Gretchen Mol pushing a stroller ... Spike Lee signing books at the at Virgin Megastore in Union Square ... Paris Hilton posing outside the Letterman show ... Drew Barrymore walking into the Sheraton in Midtown to attend the Clinton Global Initiative ... Eliot Spitzer standing by himself ... Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady leaving Kobe Club on 58th Street ... and Katie Holmes getting out of an SUV outside the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre on West 45th Street.

Anne Hathaway chatting on her cell phone in the West Village and then hopping into a cab ... Philip Seymour Hoffman smoking a cigarette and pushing his bike ... Richard Gere and Chris Rock leaving ABC studios ... Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen holding hands ... Jude Law crossing the street ... Dexter's Michael C. Hall arriving at JFK ... Sarah Jessica Parker holding her son's hand as they walk down the street ... Katie Holmes carrying a doll alongside Suri ... George H. W. Bush walking to lunch ... Taylor Momsen on the set of Gossip Girl ... Alec Baldwin holding an iced coffee outside NBC ... Helen Mirren pushing a cart on the sidewalk .. Clay Aiken leaving the Shubert Theater ... and Ivanka Trump outside the Waverly Inn.

Matthew Broderick holding hands with Sarah Jessica Parker while walking in Midtown and later riding on a scooter with little James ... Maggie Gyllenhaal crossing the street ... Calvin Klein eating outside with a friend ... Carla Bruni carrying a Post under her arm ... Marcia Gay Harden and her daughter crossing the street with smoothies in hand... Katie Holmes leaving her building solo ... Sarah Palin arriving at the Colombian Embassy on the Upper East Side ... Diane Lane posing with an autograph-seeker outside her hotel ... Julianne Moore hopping into a SUV outside her West Village townhouse ... Matt Dillon stepping off the sidewalk ... Billy Bob Thornton outside NBC before taping Conan O'Brien's show ... and John Mayer all dressed up en route to a benefit.

Click to viewBoomp3.com Suri Cruise brought the ruckus to the streets of New York on Saturday afternoon. The fashionable toddler’s world appeared to be swollen with disappointment after her parents, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, brought out the wrong stuffed animal to play with. Tom thought that his daughter wanted to play with her Curious George doll in the car, but Suri thought otherwise. Suri Cruise said, “In the future, I would prefer a series of options. I like George. He’s great, but I want to be able to choose from a wide variety of toys. Maybe George and Demarco the pink bear want to have a tea party together. Options, dad. Let’s look into them next around, okay?” [Photo Credit: INF Daily] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Stalker sighting: "I just saw Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise getting out of a black SUV at the Liberty helicopter pad at 30th St. at 12th Ave. Tom was smiling, holding Suri, and Katie looked angry."

Last night was the first preview of the Katie Holmes-starring revival of All My Sons—a critic-proof production that will be remembered less for bringing new insights to the classic Arthur Miller text than it will be for hosting the most spectacular female celebrity disappearance since the days of Amelia Earhart and Shelley Long. (She'll first have to figure out a way to sever the 3000-mile-long, indestructible microfiber restraint tethered to her ankle, rigged to reel her in at the press of the button if she so strays so much as 15 feet from her Church-approved, "apartment-Barneys-theater" travel route.) Tom Cruise was largely credited with captaining the deafening standing ovation that met her bows—rich in first-pumps, index-finger #1s, and "It's all you tonight!" points towards the stage—until one handler had to pull the actor aside to quietly explain that the 78-year-old emphysema-sufferer seated in a wheelchair next to him was physically unable to, quote, "C'mon—get on your feet grandma and show my little lady some love!" From the AP report:

[Actors Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes leaving a midtown restaurant after Katie's first preview performance of 'All My Sons' on Broadway; image via INF] 2CK's new line beats the original, "I've Got To Get Him Home, He's Getting Fussy."

Poor Diddy stepping in dog poop while his bodyguard glares at the paparazzi photographers capturing the embarrassing moment ... Blake Lively and Chace Crawford filming a scene on the set of Gossip Girl ... Terri and Bindi Irwin getting out of an SUV in front of their hotel ... John and Cindy McCain on the set of Rachael Ray's show ... James Taylor carrying a shopping bag in Midtown ... Celine Dion signing autographs for fans outside her hotel ... Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa shooting a segment outside ... Katie Holmes on stage for the opening night of her play and then leaving dinner with Tom Cruise afterward ... and David Blaine and Donald Trump announcing Blaine's next stunt inside Trump Tower.

♦ It seems like sending out company-wide emails ripping your co-workers is not a good idea: Pat O'Brien has been fired from The Insider. [R&M, P6]
♦ Brandon Davis has been conning his friends out of cash, but whenever anyone tries to get the money back "he starts crying and gets them to feel bad for him." [P6]
♦ Poor Ivana Trump almost had to fly coach this week. But then someone in first class switched seats, so everything turned out okay. Phew. [P6]
♦ Heather Mills is suing her former publicist—the one who very publicly dumped her and called her a "witch"—for libel. [P6]
♦ Anne Hathaway's been crashing on her parents' couch ever since she got booted from Raffaello Follieri's duplex. [In Touch]

"Some wore masks like in the movie V for Vendetta, and one poster read: 'FREE KATIE.'" [AP]

Curious about the Broadway debut of Katie Holmes, actor and Scientologist Tom Cruise's earthling bride? Or, more importantly, are you curious about what Tom Cruise is like in an enclosed space? A theatre insider tipster sent us the following report from an exclusive invite-only dress rehearsal performance of All My Sons, set to open very very soon:

Click to viewBoomp3.com Doting stage husband Tom Cruise was on pins and needles as he watched his ladylove, Katie Holmes, go through her final dress rehearsal of All My Sons. Cruise admitted that his nerves got the best of him during the performance tonight. “It was just so moving and profound," he said. "It felt like I was giving birth. My water may have broke right before the second act. It was that beautiful.” Cruise went to give Holmes her traditional post-performance hug and a firm handshake, but Holmes opted for the firm handshake instead. [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.