Click to viewBoomp3.com Making her way to work, Katie Holmes was questioned by a group of local children if Holmes’ daughter, Suri, was available that afternoon. Holmes said that her daughter was off cruising the various solar systems in a brand new shiny space ship. The children told Holmes that she didn’t have to lie about her daughter taking a nap. Holmes nervously laughed for a moment and said, “Yeah, right. She’s taking a nap. She’s just probably dreaming about adventures in a galaxy not that far away or electric sheep.” [Photo Credit: INF Daily] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Naomi Watts riding on the back of a Vespa with Liev Schreiber ... Angelina Jolie inside the Today show studio ... Jon Bon Jovi and his wife Dorothea walking in SoHo ... Katie Holmes leaving her apartment building on East 13th ... Sarah Silverman outside her hotel ... Sandra Bullock leaving a pet store with her puppy ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving a deli in the West Village ... Uma Thurman getting ice cream with her son Levon ... and Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze munching on popcorn before a screening of his new film at the Loews 19th Street theater.

Today, Entertainment Weekly released images from its upcoming issue devoted to J.J. Abrams's reboot of Star Trek, and featured on the cover were the two clearest looks yet at Zachary Quinto as Spock and Chris Pine as Kirk (what, were Tyler Perry and Winona Ryder busy?). Heroes star Quinto has seemed like a natural to don Leonard Nimoy's ears ever since the casting was announced, but we must admit that this cover gave us pause. Is it the amped-up drag queen eyebrows? Or is it that Quinto, with his severe bob and vacant expression, resembles a Marfan's-afflicted Katie Holmes? Let's do a side-by-side:

Rachel Weisz walking by herself in the meatpacking district ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts holding hands while walking in NoHo ... Ellen Barkin talking on her cell phone in the Village ... Colin Farrell getting in a taxi ... Chace Crawford walking with his handlers to the Gossip Girl set ... Tom Green and Seth Green leaving their hotel ... Rosario Dawson stepping over a puddle ... actress Elizabeth Banks walking into MTV studios in Times Square ... Beyonce and James Marsden posing outside MTV ... Katie Holmes taking Suri to get ice cream, and later getting out of an SUV in front of the Schoenfeld Theater ... Whitney Port walking in the meatpacking district ... Lindsay Price, Kim Raver, and Brooke Shields filming Lipstick Jungle in the West Village ... Lindsay Lohan leaving the Bowery Hotel by herself in the afternoon, and then walking out of the hotel with Samantha Ronson later that night.

T-minus 48 hours and counting until theater critics can officially digest the spectacle of Katie Holmes's Broadway debut in All My Sons. Can't! Wait! But while the amateur pundits have already gotten a jump on the show's previews and Anonymous protesters have hammered out the kinks in their own play in front of the Schoenfeld Theater, one perennially-trustworthy perspective has trickled out onto the Web this morning for everyone to parse: That of Fox crack gossip and drama wonk Roger Friedman, who hastens to note that today's column is a "report," not a "review," lest Holmes might have been saving her A-game for Thursday's premiere.Never mind that Friedman writes in detail about the "recently discovered" Patrick Wilson, who has been an awards-hopeful leading man for the last two Oscar seasons. Katie is the story here, however buried, and however non-committal:

Albert Hammond Jr. and Agyness Deyn walking their dog in the East Village ... Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber riding around on a Vespa in SoHo and later walking with their son to a bookstore ... Jon Stewart and his wife pushing their kids in strollers ... Julianne Moore getting a parking ticket in the West Village ... Taylor Momsen and Leighton Meester filming Gossip Girl on the Upper East Side ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking son James to school ... Emma Watson walking with an unidentified guy ... Kate Winslet running to keep up with her son ... Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone holding hands on a walk in the West Village ...

Professional Stepford wife Katie Holmes was once an actress, despite what the three-year gap in her IMDb profile may indicate (like America, we are choosing to forget about Mad Money). Somehow, though, the boyfriend jean advocate managed to sneak away from her duties as Ms. Kate Cruise to shoot an episode of Eli Stone airing October 21 — and a just-released clip shows a dancing, singing Holmes begging to be hit hard (perhaps that would explain those mysterious bruises?).Though we're excited for Holmes's return to television, our thoughts, as ever, turn to her husband Tom Cruise. Will he celebrate the Eli Stone premiere by driving his motorcycle into each and every Nielsen-equipped home, or will he force Holmes to run three consecutive marathons, then change into a stunning evening gown and heels for the first TiVo'd airing at Gold Base?

Marc Jacobs standing on the sidewalk outside the Mercer Hotel ... David Duchovny jogging across the street ... Molly Shannon and Nigella Lawson outside ABC studios ... Naomi Watts walking in the West Village with bag from the Container Store ... Salma Hayek and daughter Valentina arriving at their hotel ... Penn Badgley shooting a scene on the Gossip Girl set in Brooklyn ... Katie Holmes carrying Suri out of their East 13th Street apartment building ... Ethan Hawke crossing the street ... Paula Deen and her husband Michael arriving at their hotel ... Beck outside the Letterman show ... Madonna and Alex Rodriguez leaving Yom Kippur services at the Kabbalah Center ... Sarah McLachlan leaving her hotel in Midtown ... and Daniel Radcliffe talking to fans outside the Broadhurst Theater.

Sigh. Even though he was funny in that movie Tropic Thunder and his upcoming eye-patch epic Valkyrie actually doesn't look that bad, everyone still hates Tom Cruise. Always with the hating of Tom Cruise! Anti-Scientology protester group Anonymous is scheduled to once again picket at the Schoenfeld Theater, where his bewitched wife Katie Holmes is acting in a play. Last time they had signs that said things like "Free Katie, keep Tom," which is just mean, y'all. And now New York actress grand dame Lauren Bacall hates Tom too: "Tom Cruise is a maniac. I can't understand the way he conducts his life," the octogenarian told Elle magazine in a recent interview. She added that his "whole behavior is so shocking . . . inappropriate and vulgar." She was reacting to his breakup with wife Nicole Kidman, which occurred when Kidman accidentally burned herself on the radiator at their London home, causing her to suddenly snap out of the foggy hypnotic state she'd been in, like when Short Round burns Indy in Temple of Doom so he'll stop doing Mola Ram's bidding. [P6]

♦ Angelina Jolie can be seen breastfeeding on the cover of the upcoming issue of W. Brad Pitt is the one who took the pics. He's also the one who convinced Angie to have kids of her own, she says. [NYDN, People]
♦ A judge denied Christie Brinkley's request for a temporary restraining order that would bar Peter Cook for seeing their kids this weekend. He did rule that Cook cannot "expose" them to his 20/20 interview. [People]
♦ Sarah Palin is set to appear on SNL on October 25th. [Cindy Adams]

Ryan Reynolds hit the fundraising circuit running — literally — in an essay today on The Huffington Post, where he opened up about his training for next month's New York Marathon. There, despite vowing to avoid such events after once observing an epidemic of runners' bleeding nipples, the newlywed is racing on behalf of Michael J. Fox's foundation to fight Parkinson's Disease. But while we applaud his determination in battling 26 miles of nipple-chafe, Reynolds is running for more than just a good cause. He's also trotting into a celebrity pastime with a rich tradition of its own, competing against the likes of Will Ferrell, Katie Holmes, Diddy and even David Lee Roth's six-hour slog through New York in 1987. After the jump, find the ten swiftest boldfacers who ever laced up a pair of track shoes. Train harder, Ryan — and happy bleeding!MEN 1. Dana Carvey, 3:04:21 (Ocean to Bay Marathon, 1972) — Carvey is the only hint this marathon ever existed, though with photographic evidence scarce, we reluctantly place him at the top of the list of the World's Fastest Celeb Marathoner. 2. Björn Ulvaeus, 3:23:54 (Stockholm Marathon, 1980) — The ABBA co-founder also engineered a revolutionary antecedent to the Walkman and iPod, trademarking the waist-cinching Phonostrap to blast LP's on his high-energy training runs. 3. William Baldwin, 3:24:29 (New York City Marathon, 1992) — Before Alec divorced Kim Basinger, he was the only Baldwin brother to finish a marathon. 4. George W. Bush, 3:44:52 (Houston Marathon, 1993) — In an eerie harbinger of things to come, finished in 158th place but was declared the winner anyway. 5. Will Ferrell, 3:56:12 (Boston Marathon, 2003) — Trained naked, obviously, but ran the marathon in full Alex Trebex regalia (see above). WOMEN

Click to viewBoomp3.com Midway through a matinee of Beverly Hills Chihuahua, mother-daughter duo Katie Holmes and Suri sent Tom Cruise out for a refill on snacks and sodas. As soon as Cruise left the theater, Suri leaned over to her mother and whispered, “If we ever wanted to run away, now would be the time. We got maybe five minutes before he gets back. Are you with me?” Holmes looked over her shoulder and eyed the door. Nobody was coming. Holmes stared into the eyes of her daughter and wondered if they could pull it off. Before she made her mad dash for freedom, Suri left behind an origami unicorn crafted out of a movie ticket stub. [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Uma Thurman outside her West Village apartment ... Ethan Hawke walking in Chelsea with his wife, baby, and dog ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking son James to school ... Ed Westwick in the makeup chair on the Gossip Girl set ... Peter Dinklage taking his dog for a walk ... Kate Winslet leaving her apartment ... Katie Holmes and Suri walking in the East Village ... Michelle Williams posing with Richie Rich on the red carpet ... Gary Sinise and Scott Wolf on the set of CSI ... Michelle Obama leaving the Time Warner building after an appearance on Larry King Live ... Sarah Chalke and Dennis Quaid outside the Letterman show ... and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen arriving at the airport last night.

Alicia Keys talking on her phone in Midtown ... Khloe Kardashian and Joan Rivers selling cupcakes as part of a segment for Celebrity Apprentice ... Whitney Port walking with a friend around the Central Park Reservoir ... Chris Noth walking down Broadway ... Katie Holmes and Suri leaving their apartment on East 13th ... Gary Sinise and Russell Crow leaving ABC studios ... Aubrey O'Day posing on the red carpet at Bowlmor Lanes ... Debra Messing outside the Letterman show ... Actress Famke Janssen and her boyfriend walking their dog on Prince Street ... And Kourtney Kardashian and her boyfriend Scott Disick leaving their hotel in Midtown, just a few minutes before Jimmy Kimmel and CSI star Eddie Cahill stepped out, too.

In the "special skills" area on the back of her headshot, renaissance woman Jennifer Lopez is able to list so very many things: whispery acting, AutoTune proficiency, early 1990s dance mastery... the list goes on and on. Still, there is one useful Hollywood skill that La Lopez has always been cagey about showing off, and it's her intimate familiarity with Scientology. Though her dad has been a Scientologist for over twenty years and Lopez pals around with famous L. Ron disciples like Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Leah Remini, she tells the Daily Beast that she's still a free agent — though her new twins might not be so lucky:

Tina Fey and Peter Dinklage filming scenes for 30 Rock outside NBC studios ... Whitney Port walking on the Bowery with Jay Lyon ... Blake Lively carrying her dog on the set of Gossip Girl ... Sarah Vowell standing outside the Letterman show ... Tom Cruise leaving an office building in SoHo with Katie Holmes and Suri ... Brooke Shields on the set of Lipstick Jungle ... Anne Hathaway showing up at the SNL after-party at McCormick & Schmick ... and Carrot Top and his girlfriend arriving at LaGuardia.

Ever walk down East 13th Street on a random weekday morning and see a crowd gathered outside a relatively non-descript building off Fourth Avenue? That's because that's where Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are living now that Katie is appearing on Broadway. Nowadays shady-looking photographers lurk outside the entrance at all hours of the day and night, and NYU students—who happen to live in the dorm down the street—have great entertainment to keep them from actually getting any work done. After the jump, a video of what you would have seen if you'd been there early this morning.

Here at Defamer, we have a well-documenter love of salty old battle axes (hi, Cloris Leachman!) so props must be paid when one goes above and beyond the call of duty in providing us with entertainment. This week's recipient of our wizened love is Hollywood veteran Lauren Bacall, who adds a much-needed dash of (blue) color to Elle's upcoming profile of Nicole Kidman. While the Botoxed beauty is in a magnanimous mood, acknowledging her pleasure that ex Tom Cruise has found a "more profound" love with Katie Holmes, Kidman's former costar Bacall isn't one to mince words, and she jumps in to call Cruise a "maniac":

Click to viewBoomp3.com Leaving his Manhattan apartment, Tom Cruise claimed that his edgy and stylized haircut was not the result of months of focus group testing, but rather the result of sleeping on the wrong side of the bed last night. Cruise said, “The MGM research department did not meet with my hair squad to create a haircut to maintain popular internet buzz amongst gamers and bloggers. It’s windy and a bit cold this afternoon.” Cruise also mentioned that he might have used a bit too much hair gel before leaving his apartment. Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Britney Spears getting out of an SUV at JFK ... Sarah Ferguson signing copies of her book at Borders ... Taylor Momsen on the Gossip Girl set ... Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise leaving their apartment with Suri ... LL Cool J reading to kids as part of a charity event in Rockefeller Plaza ... Candice Bergen walking by herself on the Upper West Side ... Calista Flockhart outside the Letterman show ... Leighton Meester posing for photos at a domestic violence awareness event in Union Square ... Elizabeth Hurley entering her hotel on the Upper East Side ... and Sean and Robin Wright Penn holding hands outside the premiere of What Just Happened.