Shocking (shocking!) news has surfaced that yet another flat-chested actress was deemed not voluptuous enough for her movie poster. The lusty marketing team behind Fool's Gold are not fools; they realized that Kate Hudson's no Lindsay Lohan in the breast department. To that end, The Daily Mail is reporting that Hudson's natural A-cups were boosted up to Bs in promotional pictures for the film, possibly in an effort to give Matthew McConaughey's pecs a run for their money. But Kate's not the only cleavage-challenged actress that's been digitally bazoomed on a poster. Anyone remember the titular tales behind Keira Knightley, Jessica Alba, Emma Watson and yes, even Lindsay Lohan's digital enhancements? We do!

• Kate Hudson is, once again, riding the Butterscotch Stallion. She and fellow actor Owen Wilson had a weird double-date in Miami with Jennifer Aniston and Eric Dane the night after Hudson spent time with Wilson at a 10-bedroom mansion, having been spotted on the way in by crafty paparazzi. Their friends are totally against it.

With two superstar parents and a lifetime spent travelling in Hollywood circles, you'd think Kate Hudson would be pretty up on her brethren in the acting community (especially those actresses gracing the cover of just about every other glossy on the newsstand). But apparently the name Katherine Heigl doesn't ring a bell with the former Mrs. Robinson. In an interview with UK Elle, the no-longer-single blondie allegedly feigned ignorance when Heigl's name was brought up, asking:

Not only is the Owen Wilson Comeback Tour doing far better than Britney's, but it now appears that he's gotten his old girlfriend back. Right on the heels of going back to work on Marley and Me with fellow marijuana enthusiast Jennifer Aniston, it seems that he's "rekindled his romance" with the woman who (allegedly) broke his heart, Kate Hudson:

[Actress Kate Hudson outside the Late Show with David Letterman in New York last night; image via Splash]

• Well, he is balding and recently divorced, but the Brokeback Mountain star has one thing going for him: he is totally not Dax Shepard or Dane Cook. That's two things! [Page Six]
  

Sure, we could all just sit around and gripe about the sorry state of affairs for women writers, directors, producers, and studio execs in 2007 Hollywood, but Glamour magazine, in conjunction with Clinique Happy ("So that you might find the man that will one day make you Happy!"™), have actually done something about it. The concept is simple:

• Kate Hudson was once again spotted candying up the arm of fug supermarket billionaire Ron Burkle. [R&M, fourth item]
  

• Owen Wilson's addictions to cocaine and heroin contributed to his suicide attempt. Oh and the Kate Hudson-Dax Shepard thing can't have helped. [Us Weekly]
  

As we vowed this morning, we are committed to bringing you every minor and major development in the ongoing Owen Wilson existential/medical crisis. (Did that actually happen? It still hasn't quite sunk in that one of the world's most powerful poonanny-magnets just inexplicably attempted to off himself.) While we await the inevitable Access Hollywood report alerting the world that, "Owen is now resting more comfortably than he was before, because our Tony Potts smuggled him in some bourbon," we bring you this Extra update, in which much of the same information, plus a tiny bit of new, is rearranged into an Extra! Suicide! Exclusive!

Why should you care about the spread of poisonous, thumbnail-sized jellyfish in Australian coastal waters, which, at worst, threaten to sting to death a couple thousand beachgoers on the other side of the world? Well, what if those tiny invaders also managed to shut down a Hollywood production that was set to reignite the sizzling chemistry of beloved screen staples Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey? Then, perhaps, you'd begin to grasp the scope of the ecological disaster at hand:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so send in all your holiday shopping and partying sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Axl Rose shopping at the Calabasas Gelson's, where the produce is green and the checkout girls pretty.

Normally, we expect stories involving an A-lister's unexpected signing by a rival agency to follow a predictable script: a CAA client-acquisition specialist strikes the targeted talent on the back of the head with a blunt instrument as they wait at the valet stand of their soon-to-be former agency, roughly deposits them in the back seat of a black Escalade, then circles Beverly Hills until the still-groggy victim can be convinced that if their current representation truly loved them, they never would have been left unattended while they tried to retrieve their car. After a brief vomiting spell induced by the blunt force trauma finally subsides, a new member of the CAA family is invariably born.

We'll be the first to concede that the whole "if they mated" joke has gotten less interesting as technology has advanced — those CSI-style mockups of what celeb couples' putative offspring will look like in Star has sort of killed the funny. But an extra-alert (or actually, maybe extra-high) tipster sends in an image that, to his/her mind, represents what will happen if sunny Goldie Hawn offspring Kate Hudson and goofy-nosed Wilson brother breed, and since a proposal may be in the offing — Page Six reports that Wilson totally went to a jewelry store, so obvs they are pretty much already engaged — we thought we'd share it with you. After the jump.

The studios are jamming 65 releases down audiences' throats between Nov. 17th and the New Year, hoping to establish favorable awards season position and reap quick profits from a barrage of holiday-themed movies. [Variety]
For those who think Neil Patrick Harris and T.R. Knight's coming out announcements were progress, the THR cautions to wait and see what happens when a Rock Hudson-type steps out of the closet, instead of Doogie and a guy who's "practically one of the girls on Grey's." [THR]
Fox is shy about using the word "canceled" to describe Justice, instead preferring the gentler "pulled from the schedule, never to be seen again, except for possibly on tiny TV sets on budget-fare Eastern European airlines." Meanwhile, ABC gives What About Brian a full season pick-up. [Variety]
Heads have finally started to roll for NBCUni's "Layoffs 2.0" initiative, with about 15 Dateline NBC staffers sacrificing their paychecks to the company's bottom line. [THR]
Two best friends go batshit insane when they pick the same wedding date, starring Kate Hudson. That's pretty much all you need to know. [Variety]

• Kate Hudson comes to her senses (maybe) and realizes that Owen Wilson (possibly) is not the most stable choice (on earth). But is she ready to go back to a life of picking food out of Chris Robinson's beard? [Us Weekly]
• Did Paramount sever ties with Tom Cruise because he's a lunatic, or because the studio's short on cash? Not that the two are mutually exclusive. [Fox411]
• A shirtless picture of surprisingly hot Today show co-host Matt Lauer goes for five times as much as that of Matthew McConaughey. [TMZ]
• Quick question: Is there anyone or anything Nathan Lane won't talk shit about? Today, it's the Matthew Broderick bug that's climbed up Lane's ass, and the two may not work together again. [Page Six]
• 29-year-old virgin Sarah DiMuro's pristine hymen is the best thing to happen to Jane in years. [Lowdown]
• Bill Clinton takes Chelsea and the gang to Serendipity 3, Dylan's Candy Bar, and the Museum of Natural History. Afterwards, they boarded back on their big red bus and headed back to their hotel in Times Square. [Page Six]

• Actress Kate Hudson didn't separate from Black Crowe husband Chris Robinson because he's a crunchy dirtman and she's, well, Kate Hudson. Us Weekly reports that Hudson's affair with Owen Wilson led to the split — once you climb on the Stallion, there's no climbing off. [Us Weekly]
• Damn the man: the IRS pushes to tax celebrity swag bags. [TMZ]
• Africa is hot! Rapper Eve ends her relationship with the son of the president of Equatorial Guinea, where citizens live on $1 a day, at the urging of Sunday Styles. [R&M]
• Blind item guessing game: "Which major magazine executive probably isn't hungry when he goes home to his wife, since he's having Chinese at the office??" Send in your guesses if you've got 'em. [Gatecrasher (last item)]
• 57-year-old actor Bruno Kirby died yesterday. He had been recently diagnosed with leukemia. Honor him tonight by ordering the Shrek doll episode of Entourage on HBO On Demand. [People]
• After 63 years of ongoing renevations to her W. 71st Street townhouse, Ann Curry's neighbors are suing her for over $900,000 because of the constant noise and disruption. Does that mean we can sue NBC? Because whenever Curry is on the screen, we feel a little disrupted, too. [Page Six]
• Justin Timberlake isn't signing up for the Soul Patrol anytime soon. [Scoop]
• Joey Buttafuoco shops a book proposal. Written in crayon. [Page Six]

If you're anything like us, the recent announcement that actress Kate Hudson separated from physically undesirable rocker husband Chris Robinson plunged you into the blackest depths of celebrity break-up despair, in which you smashed all the mirrors in your home with your bare fists and used the jagged shards to carve appropriately melancholy Black Crowes lyrics into the fleshy, vein-laced underside of your forearm. This morning, Us Weekly rolls itself into a glossy cudgel and bludgeons you while you're still weak from the massive, sympathetic blood loss, claiming that Hudson's secret! affair! with You, Me, and Dupree co-star Owen "The Butterscotch Stallion" Wilson was the "main catalyst for the split." According to Us, Wilson's attorney has already offered a lawyerly evasion of, "[Anything] that suggests that the separation of Ms. Hudson was caused by Mr. Wilson...is absolutely false," which seems too preoccupied with causality to dispute that the two might be a couple. We're sure the day will bring more news once the publicists involved decide if it's better for Wilson's image to completely deny a relationship or portray him as the gallant Stallion who galloped into Hudson's home to save her from an unhappy marriage, then trotted off with his new off-screen love while the cuckolded Robinson was distracted with trying to teach their son how to convert his Fisher-Price Rock-a-Stack into a bong.

At the very real risk that you've seen this before, we are happy to pass along the Fucking Short Version of perhaps our favorite movie of all time. [via Screenhead/Waxy]
The glossies really can't win. Call Reese Witherspoon fat enough to be pregnant, get sued. Call Kate Hudson skinny enough to scare her mom, get sued.
· But at least Kate Hudson never got skinny enough to faint dead away in Kitson.

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