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Normally, we expect stories involving an A-lister's unexpected signing by a rival agency to follow a predictable script: a CAA client-acquisition specialist strikes the targeted talent on the back of the head with a blunt instrument as they wait at the valet stand of their soon-to-be former agency, roughly deposits them in the back seat of a black Escalade, then circles Beverly Hills until the still-groggy victim can be convinced that if their current representation truly loved them, they never would have been left unattended while they tried to retrieve their car. After a brief vomiting spell induced by the blunt force trauma finally subsides, a new member of the CAA family is invariably born.

However, today's Variety reports that Endeavor has won yet another skirmish in the Great Poaching Wars of 2006, deleting actress Kate Hudson from the Creative Artists roster. We're sure there is much rejoicing with the Endeavor offices over this victory, complete with the ceremonial devouring of babies hijacked from a fresh shipment intended for the CAA headquarters, but the upstarts shouldn't let down their guard as they chortle with glee through celebrator mouthfuls of the delicious infants. CAA is almost certainly planning a bloody retaliation against new Hudson rep Patrick Whitesell, who might soon return home to discover longtime client Ben Affleck's lifeless form propped up at his dining room table, with a note threatening, "Next time we take an earner!" stapled to his chest.