Lamar Odom suffered a staggering total of twelve strokes after he fell unconscious at a Nevada brothel earlier this month. According to the former NBA star’s brain scans, the strokes may impact his motor skills, TMZ reports.

The Kardashian corporate umbrella of human brands just released a new suite of apps and websites, and it only took two seconds for someone to discover a glaring privacy hole. Also, Kim is way, way less popular than Kylie Jenner.

Did you see Bruce Jenner’s coming out interview last night? Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband Kris Humphries apparently did, writing this bad tweet in response: “Man, I’m glad I got out when I did. #Gottadoyou”

"Just received my waist trainer from @NoWaistClique!! #LovingIt" tweeted celebrity female Lindsay Lohan today.

A new generation doth rise: Kardashian Q Score heir Kylie Jenner is reportedly quitting the high school of quitting high school (home school) to assume her rightful position as most beloved person related to Kris Jenner.

Former honorary Kardashian Bruce Jenner has never officially said he's transitioning from male to female, but that didn't stop In Touch from horribly photoshopping what they think he would look like if he did. His ex-wife, Kardashian momager Kris Jenner, is reportedly pissed off at the magazine for the upcoming cover, which implies he told his family he was going to transition.

If Kim Kardashian's extremely shiny nude body in Paper threatened to break the internet, her sister Kourtney's barely-clothed pregnant photoshoot for Dujour will at least leave a small chip in the internet's paint. Maybe a surface scratch, but that'll probably buff out.

I really like Kim Kardashian. I usually have nothing but disdain for celebrities, or celebrities in training. There is not a thing less interesting, or useful in the world, than an "artist" of dubious talent who has risen to fleeting fame because of sex connections, family connections, or money connections. But I think Kim is great. Here's why: She asks nothing of her fans. She's not all like: Download my new .mp3! Or: Sit through my new three-hour movie about the end of earth and how we all have to eat corn now! She hawks no talent. She knows what her best asset is, and she plays it up. She has a truly remarkable butt, so she showed it naked on the cover of Paper. Why go through the trouble of being a "singer" or an "actress" when you can just be a butt? Kim knows.

This is going to be really upsetting to read, but: Kylie Jenner, the 17-year-old sister of Kim Kardashian, has been banned from a club. Why? Because she was trying to enter said club without legal identification proving that she is 21 years or older. Somebody get this girl a fake ID! Let Kylie party, jesus!!!

Before Kim Kardashian's ass was all over the internet last night, her sister Khloe showed hers by posting a fun sex joke about the Ku Klux Klan on Instagram. She's since deleted the post, but she kept the tweet that linked to it.

In the midst of last night's awesome televised Beyoncé concert—technically known as MTV's Video Music Awards—there was a pause to acknowledge recent events in Ferguson, Mo.

Kendall Jenner, professional Kardashian, passed the Turing Test this weekend by leaving a 30 percent tip on an expensive meal, proving herself indistinguishable from an actual human customer. Inexplicably, no one has presented her or her creator, artificial intelligence pioneer Kris Jenner, with a goddamn medal.

Kendall Jenner's lawyer says the young Keeping Up With the Kardashians 2: The Wrath of Khan star is prepared to sue a waitress who claimed last week that Kendall ran out on a bill and then threw cash in her face when confronted.

Finally some good news this week.

Kendall Jenner, 18/F/Television, has been accused of walking out on a restaurant tab and then literally throwing cash at a waitress because the server refused to enable her underage drinking.

Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian will attempt to Take the Hamptons in the latest reality-show spinoff from the Kardashian® brand/family, but the Hamptons refuse to surrender without a fight.

America's new sweetheart Rob Kardashian walked out on the Kimye wedding this weekend after he reportedly realized that his family is truly awful.

The Kardashian family released their annual Yule card honoring the fearsome rebirth of the Great Horned hunter God Cernunnos last night, and all of the ladies looked cute and cool, and everyone who beheld the image fell over dead 13 hours later

Up-and-koming Kardashian sister Kendell Jenner just turned 18 two weeks ago, so, naturally, she's already posting barely legal photos of herself online.

On Sunday, the New York Times ran an uplifting story about a brave California teen who doesn't go to regular school anymore and one time she spilled spaghetti on the carpet. It's Kendall Jenner!