Without presenting any evidence whatsoever to back up their claim, Iranian authorities have sentenced American hikers Joshua Fattal and Shane Bauer to five years in prison for spying for the United States. And you thought American justice was bad!
In April of 2010, Raquel Nelson and her four year-old son crossed a busy street near Atlanta. Her son was struck and killed, by a driver who "had been drinking earlier in the day while taking pain medication, was partially blind in one eye, and had two previous hit-and-run convictions." So naturally, prosecutors decide to arrest and charge Nelson with vehicular homicide, for jaywalking.
Due to some mystifying computer error, the computer programmer who told police that a comically evil Casey Anthony googled "chloroform" 84 times now says she only googled it once. John Bradley also says he alerted the authorities to the staggering error, but they went ahead and pretended Casey (or whoever was using her computer) was obsessed with chloroform, anyway.
Are you facing drug possession charges? Here's a possible defense: "hey, so, uh ... I forgot about those drugs, therefore I didn't really possess those drugs, see?" Cannabis club worker Eric Meoli tried this one out in a San Francisco courtroom recently, and it actually worked!
The U.S. Sentencing Commission has passed a new law that could reduce the length of sentences for the approximately 12,000 people in federal prisons for crack-related crimes. That's 1 in 17 inmates, 85 percent of whom are African-American, doing hard time for crack possession and trafficking.
Stow your valuables, hide your children. Recalcitrant glamour icon Lindsay Lohan is once again free to move among us, after serving just 35 days of home confinement at her Venice, Ca., townhouse. The original sentence for — quick, what was it? BZZ! Too long. "Pleading no contest to misdemeanor necklace theft" is the correct response — was four months in jail. So how did that become a month of lounging at home, during which she managed to violate her probation by testing positive for alcohol use? Because "she's a nonviolent offender and there are budgetary issues and jail overcrowding," a spokesman for the sheriff's department said. Of course! Those crowded jails. Big problem in Lindsay's Venice townhouse. (It's actually more of an '80s high-ceilinged apartment covered in paintings of herself. But whatever. It's overcrowded, 'kay?) [People, images via Getty and Bauer-Griffin]
On Wednesday, Ashlie Marie Carter allegedly stole some underpants and other junk from an Orem, Utah store and evaded the long arm of the law. On Thursday, she showed up to court for an unrelated, alleged misdeed, and basically ran into the long arms of the law—which warmly embraced her.
Despite his "I spend my Friday nights handcrafting latchhook rugs in front of the TV set" appearance, Wisconsin Supreme Court Justice David Prosser sounds like a total thug. In his latest, alleged rage-out, Prosser grabbed a fellow justice with both hands during an argument. Authorities are maybe investigating, or maybe not?
The first of what is likely to be several verdicts in the case of exiled Tunisian dictator Zine al-Abidine Ben Ali and his wife Leila was handed down today: 35 years and $65.6 million in fines, on charges of theft.
Florida homeowners Maurenn Nyergers and her husband paid for their home in cash, and never took out a mortgage, so when Bank of America filed foreclosure papers on the house, they took the bank to court, and won. And when Bank of America wouldn't pay their legal fees — as it was ordered to by the court — their attorney, Todd Allen, decided to seize its assets, in person, with movers and sheriff's deputies in tow.
Attorney general Eric Holder has come out in favor of reduced sentences for thousands of people currently imprisoned on nonviolent crack cocaine convictions. (A recent law corrected the insane sentencing disparity between crack and powder cocaine; Holder is simply recommending that the new sentencing guidelines be applied to some people already in jail.) That's a great first step. Then can we let out all the other drug war victims, too?
Declaring Brian David Mitchell's crimes against Elizabeth Smart "unusually heinous and degrading," U.S. District Judge Dale Kimball's sentenced the man who kidnapped, raped and tortured her for nine months in 2002 to a life in federal prison. Mitchell had never spoken a word in court, "except to sing a string of hymns, beginning with 'O Come, O Come, Emmanuel,'" the Salt Lake Tribune reports.
Ohio residents Grace Nash, 20, and boyfriend Bruce Crawford, 22, were spotted last month rafting illegally on the flooded Grand River, which led to an hours-long search for the couple. Later, they lied to authorities and claimed not to have been rafting at all. Their punishment was to stand in a kiddie pool and hand out water-safety brochures to visitors at the International Cuisine Festival in Painesville. HAW-haw. [AP, screengrab via MSNBC]
As part of her punishment for violating probation, Lindsay Lohan has been sentenced to 120 hours of community service at the L.A. County Department of the Coroner. Apparently she will do "basic janitorial work. She won't be handling any dead bodies but she'll certainly see them." She will also serve 360 hours of service at a homeless shelter for women on Skid Row.
