Frugal flyer Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian man and underpants bomb enthusiast who on Christmas 2009 allegedly intended to make an airliner go boom over Detroit, heads to court today for the first day of his trial on eight terrorism-related charges. Abdulmutallab has pleaded not guilty, but the evidence against him is pretty strong (a confession, a videotape of him explaining his bomb scheme, and the half-destroyed bomberpants he wore during his fateful flight, among other things) so he probably shouldn't expect a Christmas miracle. Given this development and the death of his inspiration source, Anwar al-Awlaki, just a few days ago, Abdulmutallab's kind of having a shitty week.

In July, Jamie Leigh Jones lost her federal civil trial against KBR—one of America's most capable government contractors—when a Houston jury determined that her coworkers had never drugged, raped, and shoved her into a shipping container. Or maybe they had, but she'd been asking for it—you know, like KBR said.

Jared Lee Loughner returned to court today, where authorities established that the accused mass murderer is still insane. According to a government psychiatrist, Loughner believes he killed Gabrielle Giffords, has "several imaginary friends," and lost TV privileges because he thought the tube was sending him messages. When doctors informed him that he is insane, he was reportedly "devastated." [NYT, images via AP]

HLN hopes Dr. Conrad Murray's trial for the manslaughter trial of Michael Jackson will be as good a ratings boon as Casey Anthony's trial for the manslaughter of her daughter, even though Nancy Grace will barely be around this time, because she's busy doing this.

After spending 26 years in a Texas prison for murdering a guy, Randall Lee Church became a free man in April 2011. As it turns out, however, he didn't care for freedom very much. We can't really blame him.

Prosecutors have charged two Fullerton, California police officers involved in the death of Kelly Thomas, a schizophrenic, homeless man who was brutally beaten during a confrontation with six Fullerton cops in early July. It sounds like they're not kidding around, either.

Christopher "Dudus" Coke was the baddest cross-dressing drug lord in Jamaica—it literally took an army to bring him down. Now, he's about to be sentenced in New York. He'd like leniency, please. Why? Because! Stuff, and things.

After sentencing them to eight years just last month, Iranian authorities have supposedly released Americans Joshua Fattal and Shane Bauer from prison today. At least that's what "a U.S. official" told CNN, to which CNN texted back, "pix or GTFO."

Troy Davis has become a cause celebre for death penalty opponents and fans of justice in general—primarily because there's substantial doubt about whether he's actually guilty of the crime he's sentenced to die for.

NYPD Officers Catherine Guzman and Mariana Diaz and two of their colleagues were disciplined for tossing a football to a little boy they encountered in a Bronx housing project, and now Guzman and Diaz are complaining that their punishment was unfair. It sure was—they should have all been fired.

A disabled Atlanta woman says she was sitting outside and waiting for the ice cream man when a cop showed up and ordered her to move. When she refused—because she wasn't in anyone's way, or doing anything wrong—the cop allegedly manhandled her and caused her to fall to the ground. Then he bought her a medium-sized cone.

So these boys in Las Cruces, New Mexico thought it would be clever to get on their Facebooks and "cyberbully" the Zinsations, a local street dance troupe. It was not clever! Because four of the Zinsations beat the shit out of those bullyboys at McDonald's the other day.

Texas shouldn't be the only U.S. state that gets to execute innocent people, right? That's what the jealous state of Georgia seems to be saying in planning to execute Troy Davis, convicted of murdering a police officer in 1991 and possibly innocent of the crime.

Puerto Rico! The island that just won't become our 51st state, no matter how much we bat our eyelashes. Still, as a U.S. territory, Puerto Rico has the right to have a police force just as brutal and corrupt as any in the USA.

The Georgia Supreme Court has removed Catoosa County magistrate Anthony Peters from his position and banned him from ever returning to the bench in Georgia. His "crime?" After his father died and he had an auto accident in 2005, he started taking large quantities of pain medication and acting erratically. That could happen to anyone, you monsters.

A New Mexico woman wants her local county government to pay the $1,122 hospital bill she received after undergoing a forcible body cavity search, which she did on the orders of her local Metro Narcotics Agency. Why might her position be justified?

Arizona has, like, no money. Should it raise taxes? Cut services? Or—wait—what about this: Charge people $25 a head to visit friends and family members in its overcrowded jails?

For eight years, Edward Hairston diligently contributed to his lottery office pool—eight long, jackpot-free years. While he was on medical leave, his coworkers played the Mega Millions and won $99 million. Legal issue: Is some of that money rightfully Hairston's?

The upsetting trial over the killing of gay teen Larry King, who was shot point blank in the back of the head in computer lab class by fellow student Brandon McInerney, has resulted in a mistrial. The jury voted seven to five in favor of finding McInerney guilty of voluntary manslaughter, not first- or second-degree murder, which meant that seven jurors sided with the defense's version of events: that King brought his death upon himself by acting and dressing effeminately and making sexual overtures (apparently the breaking point came when he asked his tormentor, "What's up, baby?") towards McInerney.

If we were a cop, we'd probably use our Taser sparingly—because sometimes Tasered people die or burst into flames, and that's just too much drama. So we'd definitely not go around Tasering people "just to see what happens," is what we're saying.