We're not exactly sure when Ellen took a complete detour into surreality, but it might have happened on today's show, when Ellen DeGeneres asked vice presidential nominee Joe Biden to perform the charity-inspired task of throwing balls at a dunk tank. And who would be sitting in said tank, ready to be pitched into the cold water below should one of Biden's balls hit the target? Seinfeld actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus, because why not.The resulting spectacle was like a Republican's fever dream of what could happen should the Obama/Biden ticket make it to the White House: Democrats stoning/drowning innocent straight women in the public square as gay-married lesbians cheer them on. If we only could have brought out Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid to do an awkward dance while DJ Tony Okungbowa played "Me So Horny." Next time, guys!

♦ It's confirmed: Sarah Palin will appear on Saturday Night Live tomorrow. [NYDN]
♦ Yet another tragic consequence of the economic meltdown: Suze Orman is making money off the crisis with big-money endorsement deals. [WSJ]
♦ Playboy is cutting costs. How? With energy-efficient lightbulbs, naturally. [WWD]
♦ The Grammy nominations—not the actual awards, mind you—will be a TV special. [NYT]
♦ A hiring freeze is now in place at Condé Nast. [NYP]

Democrats are thrilled to see Obama ahead by more than 10 points in the polls. But they're not counting their chickens just yet: Al Gore was leading the polls in mid-October of 2000 and then, well, he won except that he lost. But if you're a Democrat and looking for further evidence that you're going to have a reason to celebrate on November 4th, there's good news courtesy of an authority you can really have faith in: Rose Rosetree, face reader! Salon had the expert physiognomist gaze at pictures of all the important people, and Barack's great big forehead might as well have "leader" tattooed on it: Its wideness means "having ideas, goals, ideals" that will overcome the "obstacles that might get in your way." Even more reassuring: Obama and Joe Biden are "nostril twins."

We always guessed Anna Wintour had psychic powers. The November issue of Vogue is now out, and the profile of four generations of women in Joe Biden's family appears under the headline "All the Vice President's Women." And if Anna says it's a done deal, who are we to argue? [Vogue via HuffPo]

BREAKING: Democratic Vice Presidential nominee Joe Biden is overly concerned with his appearance! The Delaware Senator's long been famous for his terrible embarrassing hair plugs, but a story out of the Washington Post today has it that Biden might have injected terrorist biological weapons into his forehead as part of some sick stunt to not look old and tired. Botox Biden! This is important hilarious breaking news, if you just arrived via time machine from one of the last two election cycles. In 2000 no one cared about anything because there were still jobs and stuff and no war and 9/11 was just a glimmer in Osama bin Laden's eye, so the Gore versus Bush campaign was mostly about how Gore was tricked into wearing Earth Tones by some emasculating feminists. Bush proudly kept dressing like a gay cowboy hustler, damn the focus groups, so he won (except he didn't but whatever). And in 2004 even though we had a war and shitty job creation it was still for some reason all about how Bush held a bullhorn on some rubble and John Kerry went windsurfing in a gay wetsuit and he looked French and also like Lurch. So! Bush won (for real for once). And honestly you can bitch about the sad end of this magical friendly bipartisan campaign we were supposed to have with these two DIFFERENT candidates who'd be so polite to one another but so far despite an amazing number of distractions the fact that people seem determined to care about "real issues" is semi-heartening. But of course "real issues" don't make for good column fodder, so a week after the New York Post floated the Biden botox story the Washington Post's gossip columnists (both of whom, it should be noted, are absolutely wonderful people) followed up with an "lol politicians are vain" piece and Drudge linked to it because the number of credible non-killer-storm items he can allow himself to link to every day is shrinking. The End.

Hey, here's what we're sick of: middle classness! While some of your elite coastal media obsess over some made-up standard of "authenticity" (Sarah Palin's got it! That's all you need to know!), the new hot trend is "caring about the middle class." This is something Democrats are good at! They used to be good at appealing to the "working class" but now no one is sure how to define "working class," at all really. But we all know how to define the middle-class! It's everyone in America! Because everyone in America self-identifies as middle class, and America is so determined not to become Great Britain that we allow everyone to just make up whatever class they want for themselves (which is why rich people are middle class and young white college-educated Brooklynites are working class and Barack Obama is an elitist). Just this week, in a mostly decent column (surprisingly!), globalist Thomas Friedman lambasted John McCain and Sarah Palin for refusing to agree that paying taxes is patriotic. You see he should know what patiotism is, he is the middle class personified!

Appearing in the flesh on Saturday Night Live is a time-honored ritual for many political names, including the three biggest of this past election cycle: Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have both put in cold opening cameos, while John McCain actually hosted SNL in 2002. Still, for all the mileage that the show has wrung out of Sarah Palin's vice presidential candidacy, Palin herself has yet to appear on the show — though according to the Chicago Sun Times, that may change very soon. In fact, sources in the McCain camp say that they have a very specific idea in mind to help Palin avenge herself upon the fired, lifeless body of her nemesis, Tina Fey:

Remember when John Edwards got a couple of $400 haircuts and everyone made fun of him and called him a spendthrift pretty boy? Rush Limbaugh said he might be the "first woman president"! Har har! (And, remember, when Edwards slept with that lady and maybe had a love child and how the hair didn't seem like such a big deal after all?) Well, Edwards, in truth, isn't the only of the recent candidates to undergo special, fancy, or expensive cosmetic treatment. Sarah Palin maybe has lip tattoos! John McCain has the same makeup artist as Clay Aiken! Joe Biden maybe gets Botox! And Barack Obama... um... covers up his gray hair? Indeed. If you're curious to know more, we've put together a little compendium of these bits of cosmetic detritus for you, after the jump.

With less than a month left to go in this presidential election, Saturday Night Live expands its resurgent political brand into special Thursday episodes starting this week, though it's hard to see how they could possibly outdo the trilogy of Tina Fey-as-Sarah Palin appearances that continued into last night's episode. Spoofing the mega-rated vice presidential debate, Fey joined Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden and the previously-rumored Queen Latifah as moderator Gwen Ifill for a blockbuster, near-twelve minute sketch that left no participant unscathed. Still, despite the skit's jabs at Biden and Ifill, this was, as ever, Fey's moment, and she delivered her most cutting performance yet. Do we have video of the sketch after the jump? Doggone it, you betcha:

You Betcha! Sarah Palin isn't simply ratings gold when Tina Fey is playing her. The vice presidential debate last night was the most-watched VP matchup ever, even surpassing by 33% the Obama/McCain debate from last week. According to THR, 69,989,000 viewers tuned in, which makes it the biggest debate audience since 1992, when Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ross Perot all faced off. Palin has since had all three men fired. [THR]

Though pundits like Time's Mark Halperin are claiming that last night's vice presidential debate left Saturday Night Live little to parody (really?), it's hard to imagine that SNL would leave its ratings on the table by ignoring what was perhaps the most-anticipated Sarah Palin event of the entire election year. Now, according to EW's Michael Ausiello, SNL does indeed plan to cover the debate, which leaves it with one problem: the moderator, Gwen Ifill, was a black woman, and SNL still has none in its cast. It's the same problem the variety show has run into when covering Michelle Obama, and just as rumors flew that Lorne Michaels had approached Maya Rudolph about that role, SNL has its sights set on a very specific Ifill impersonator who's not a member of the actual cast:

♦ Last night's face-off between Sarah Palin and Joe Biden generated the highest ratings for a debate in 16 years. [THR]
♦ SNL has booked Queen Latifah to play debate moderator Gwen Ifill tomorrow night. [People]
♦ What does Palin have to say about Katie Couric? Nothing good. [HuffPo]
♦ CNN incorrectly reported that Apple CEO Steve Jobs suffered a heart attack. [Reuters, SAI]
♦ Fox Business hit a ratings high on Monday—a scant 81,000 viewers. [NYT]
♦ Google may hire an ad agency for the first time. It's had discussions with Wieden + Kennedy and Ari Merkin's Taxi New York. [WSJ]
♦ Jesse L. Martin is in discussions to star in a new NBC drama called The Philanthropist. [THR]
♦ The Economist is stamping its brand on pizza boxes. [NYT]

Apropos of nothing, here's a clip of Sarah Palin during last night's debate, calling Joe Biden "Senator O'Biden." A momentary crossing of synapses that caused her to mix him up with his younger, multiracial running mate? Or just a sly nod to America's Irish voters? Either way, it caused Joe to break into his Cheshire Cat smile, as he thought "This lady is none too bright. But I'd still like to make out with her." Click to relive this moment of oratorical glory.

Because journalists and people on TV have been focusing exclusively on Sarah Palin for more than a month now. The people familiar with Senator Joe Biden are the people already inclined to vote for him. The uninformed just-now-paying-attention "undecideds" who tuned in last night were introduced to this smart, reassuring guy. And the Obama campaign debate strategy is reassurance—don't worry, you don't need to vote for the old white guy, we do know what we're doing. It's brilliant and it worked as well as ever last night. (Also his FUCKING FAMILY DIED.) To sum up, we were right. (Also the best part of CNN's coverage last night was the ladies maxing out on approval for Biden in his opening statement until the shot switched to a view of his bald spot and terrible plugs, at which point support of undecided women plummeted.)

For much of tonight's debate, Sarah Palin avoided any spectacularly obvious stupidity and Joe Biden steered clear of any casually offensive statements. Then came "Say It Ain't So, Joe," an attempted cute catchphrase deployed by Palin that not only failed spectacularly but which was also followed by a cascade of other dumb attempts at adorability. The Republican vice presidential nominee then looked increasingly like the end of Tina Fey's most recent impression. She winked! For the second time in the night! She called her own joke "lame" and tried to laugh at it.

Want to stay crucial moments ahead of your neighbors watching the vice presidential debate on a network feed? Try the Times' website . Not only is the old-media stalwart streaming live video of tonight's Biden-Palin faceoff with a surprisingly smooth interface, but it's a good eight seconds ahead of the likes of CNN and MSNBC.

If we may respectfully disagree with everyone on Earth, Joe Biden will do fine. The expectations are so ridiculously low for Sarah Palin that smart people know any half-competent performance will be met with cheers and audible relief and the nation will love her again. But you know what? That's all meta-expectations gaming for Biden. It is now a truth universally acknowledged that Joe will be boorish and say a thousand stupid things and he'll be mean and condescending and no one will like him. But no one seems to remember that ol' gaffey Joe gets away with all of his thousands of gaffes not just because he's been around forever, but also because he seems like a nice guy! He's genial when he says 7/11s are full of Indians! He's friendly even when attacking John McCain! He was great and funny and succinct in primary debates! Sarah Palin will ramble and make no sense and spout talking points and platitudes and Joe Biden will be well-informed and maybe have a couple zingers and a couple crazy unfortunate misstatements and, like the first presidential debate, the punditry will say the Republican won and the viewers will decide which one they want to see on TV for the next four years and go with the Democrat. So calm down, liberals.

West Virginia held on until the end, but Time's interactive map has finally declared Joe Biden the unanimous winner of tonight's Vice-Presidential debate. I haven't been this excited since Ron Paul swept the primaries.

Apparently there's some sort of political "debate" tonight in which a crazy man from Delaware is going to be yelling at the young and clueless child bride of a Russian fur trader. Yes, Joe Biden is debating Sarah Palin tonight—winner gets the most meaningless job in politics. And now, like Rose La Touche hosting the Lincoln-Douglas debates, self-appointed socialite and heiress Emily Brill—operator of the most meaningless blog in politics, Essentially Emily—is hosting a "strictly uptown" live-blogging debate event. No sneakers! You're probably not invited, because it's seriously exclusive, but the invitation is after the jump anyway: Oh, and Update: In a brand new post! Ms. Brill discusses her invite-only soiree with her aspirating "readership" and asks the very, very important question: "ESSENTIALLY ASKING: what do you want to know about my friends’ political views?" To which the only response is: "Abso-fucking-lutely nothing." No, but seriously: "go ahead, ask away! they might just answer for themselves tonight. holla!"

Politico.com wanted some insight into how tonight's debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin will play out. So they consulted with one of the few people blessed with the ability to predict the future: psychic Elizabeth Joyce. She says the moon and stars are not, in fact, aligned in Palin's favor, and that Biden "will take the day so long as he doesn't push her too much." If you're supporting Obama/Biden, you're probably pleased to hear that. You may not, however, be quite as jazzed to hear what's in store for next week: "Her instincts tell her that come next week, there might be 'rioting in the streets and martial law,' and that President Bush will henceforth carry out his term indefinitely." Good to know!