When the vice president says something ridiculous, that is a gaffe, and when the president looks pissed about it, that is also a gaffe, and Barack Obama is sorry for everything, says Joe Biden.

It turns out that, prior to being arrested at a bar brawl and maybe snorting coke on camera, Ashley Biden was busted for drinking before she was 21. Just like Jenna Bush!

Someone tried to sell a videotape they claimed showed Ashley Biden, daughter of VP Joe Biden, to the New York Post for $250,000. Political payback, or just another tale of politicians' kids gone wild?

Everyone's mad about banks spending bailout money! It's outrageous that anyone would take taxpayers cash and then actually use it. These whiffs of populism are like nitrous — a brief thrill that accomplishes nothing.

Ha, our Vice President said a bad word and it's on tape. "Gimme a fucking break," he said, after some Senator called him "Mr. Vice President," which is his hilarious title. Listen to the swears:

• As part of the rescue plan currently under discussion in Washington, the government would end up with 40 percent of Citigroup, which isn't quite the same as nationalizing it, but is pretty darn close. [NYT]
• JPMorgan Chase cut its dividend to a nickel yesterday. [AP]
• John Thain spent six hours answering Andrew Cuomo's questions last week. But he'll make a return visit this week now that a judge has ruled Thain has to provide more detail on Merrill's controversial bonus payouts. [Reuters]
• AIG needs more government money. Feel free to laugh or cry about this. [DB]
• UBS may end up going to court as it tries to fight an order to disclose the names of its American clients suspected of offshore tax evasion. [NYT]
• Allen Stanford had ties to Joe Biden's brother and son, apparently. [WSJ]
• A bankrupt Lehman Brothers is spinning off its venture capital arm. [WSJ]
• Home prices in 20 U.S. cities declined an average of 18.5% in December. [BN]
• Federal chairman Ben Bernanke says the recession should end this year and 2010 "will be a year of recovery," if the banking system's stabilized. Reassuring words, provided you still believe anything Bernanke has to say. [WSJ]

Obama chose the perfect face for his "signing the stimulus" party: a blonde, clean-cut young yuppie fellow who owns a small business. A small hippie business.

Journalists tend to be liberals because they tend to be educated but not wealthy, and haughty smartasses. So it's no surprise ex-journalists are pouring into Obama administration jobs. Why can't they just admit their fandom?

Hope and change has come to Google Maps. The official residence of the vice president, obscured until Dick Cheney's last days in office and residence, now shines in satellite sunlight.

The inaugural celebrations came in waves last night — Commander-in-Chief's Ball, Youth Ball, Neighborhood Ball, Southern States Ball, Western States, and on — but the new president stayed in high spirits.

Barack and Michelle Obama are having coffee with George and Laura Bush right now! It's an inaugural tradition — and wouldn't you know that those hick Clintons screwed it up last time?

Time's Washington bureau chief Jay Carney became Joe Biden's spokesman yesterday, but he's definitely not a biased liberal, according to Time editor Richard Stengel—an even bigger confirmed media liberal Democrat:

President-elect Barack Obama famously promised his daughters—and the nation!—a puppy, once the election was over. Well, Mr. President-elect, the election is over. Where is the puppy?

♦ Either Mariah Carey is pregnant or she's determined to do whatever it takes to stay in the spotlight. The diva was spotted looking "ebullient" on her way out of an OB/GYN's office in LA, where she was greeted by a cheering entourage and seen clutching "what looked like a sonogram." [P6, Mirror]
♦ Kate Moss skipped champagne and wore a loose dress to a Vogue event in China, which means she must be pregnant, too. [The Sun]
♦ In an upcoming issue of O, Oprah says she's "fallen off the wagon" and now weighs 200 lbs. But she blames it on her "out-of-balance thyroid," which gave her "a fear of working out." [AP]
♦ Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich watching soccer at Nevada Smith's in the East Village with girlfriend Dasha Zhukova? We can hardly believe it. [P6]
♦ Steve Schwarzman insisting on remaining centerstage at yesterday's Vanity Fair photo shoot? That sounds likely. [P6]

Vice President-elect Smilin' Joe Biden is spending this Thanksgiving in lovely Nantucket. Just like he takes the train to work every day, he took the ferry from Hyannis. It is important to maintain your blue-collar cred when traveling to Nantucket to holiday. Biden shocked onlookers by pouring his own coffee at a local store. (How does he take his coffee? "Turns out he likes his coffee like he likes his presidents," our Gawker Nantucket Operative reports.) [Cape Cod Times]

So Smilin' Joe Biden doesn't get to live in Delaware anymore (we're sure he's so bummed about not getting to live in Delaware anymore) because he's our smiley new Vice President. He will go live in a scary observatory like a mad scientist. That's where we make the Vice President live! Anyway. This means Biden can't be Senator-for-life from Delaware anymore. They still have some other guy in the Senate but apparently the "law" says we need to give Delaware two Senators. The new one was supposed to be Beau Biden, Joe's son (above, right, with evil lobbyist brother Hunter), but apparently the governor has instead named some guy named "Ted Kaufman." Of course, Beau is in Iraq right now, so he can still get the seat when he comes back for the election in 2010. [The Fix]

Joe Biden has one more thing to celebrate today: It's his 66th birthday. Others blowing out candles today: The Soup's Joel McHale is 37. Author Don DeLillo is 72. Longtime TV journalist Judy Woodruff is 62. Avant-garde singer Meredith Monk turns 66. Bo Derek is 52. Former U.N. ambassador John Bolton is turning 60. The Beastie Boys' Mike D is 43. Hannah Montana star Cody Linley is turning 19. And Mark Gastineau, former football star, ex-husband of Lisa, and father of Brittny, is 52 years old.

So the election is over! What good news for us and what terrible news for... um, news. All the CNN and MSNBC and Fox junkies who were glued to the tube while the election Wehrmacht rolled its ruinous iron wheels over the land will now be leaving the news behind and returning to their regularly scheduled shitty programming. Or at least the people in charge of that shitty programming hope so! It's kind of a crock theory because news nets' ratings weren't that high that they seemed to be distracting a huge amount of TV watchers, and regular television was in a decline long before people started caring about politics anyway. But there must be some folks who traded their CSI for their POTUS and would now like an inroad back to the glorious world of primetime entertainment TV, hopefully with a methadone-dash of politics thrown in to add a bit of spice. And we've got a guide to Politics-related television for them, after the jump! How handy!

When Diddy promoted "Vote or Die" in 2004, there were rumors that he didn't even bother to go to the polls himself. Guess there won't be a question this time around: He posed for photographers outside his local polling station in Midtown this morning. Click through for photos of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, and Bill Clinton performing their civic duty.

Kudos must be extended to tyro presidential helmer Barack Obama, whose record $150 million fundraising haul in September put him over the $600 million mark and finally allowed his campaign to overcome Titanic's heretofore-insurmountable domestic gross. 23/6 envisions the Variety ad announcing the whammo development; now, the Obama/Biden ticket must hope that with two weeks until the election, no iceberg is in sight (still, he'll never let go, Joe... he'll never let go).