Candidates' Facial Features Reveal All
Democrats are thrilled to see Obama ahead by more than 10 points in the polls. But they're not counting their chickens just yet: Al Gore was leading the polls in mid-October of 2000 and then, well, he won except that he lost. But if you're a Democrat and looking for further evidence that you're going to have a reason to celebrate on November 4th, there's good news courtesy of an authority you can really have faith in: Rose Rosetree, face reader! Salon had the expert physiognomist gaze at pictures of all the important people, and Barack's great big forehead might as well have "leader" tattooed on it: Its wideness means "having ideas, goals, ideals" that will overcome the "obstacles that might get in your way." Even more reassuring: Obama and Joe Biden are "nostril twins."
"Both of them," says Rosetree, "have that straight shape to their nostrils. What that signifies, with the nostril size being small, is when it comes to spending, there's a tendency to be able to stick to a budget." So as long as Biden's nose is still the one God gave him, America should be back in the black in no time!
The clincher as to whether or not Rosetree's skills are 100% accurate: On seeing a picture of Bill O'Reilly, whom she claimed not to recognize, she identified the "extremely large, macho knob" on his chin as demonstrating a talent for "aggressively going for whatever you want, no matter what. And the challenge is being a bully." The other famous person who had this knob? Saddam Hussein.