jesus

Amish Chickens Flee McMansions

Hamilton Nolan · 06/30/09 10:46AM

The Way We Live Now: Stripped up, ripped up, shacked up and backed up. From the chicken plant recession war to the Amish RV salesman slinging jelly to the empty rows of McMansions—getting paper is a life-threatening hobby.

Liberal Media Kills Jesus?

Hamilton Nolan · 04/28/09 12:16PM

Oh look, a new study perfect for supporting any old opinion! Pew researchers found that half of American adults switch religion at least once—Catholics, out of conviction, and Protestants, out of laziness. Theory!

Some Noah's Ark Shit Is About to Go Down in Fargo

Hamilton Nolan · 03/27/09 12:41PM

Fargo, the biggest and most Hollywood city in North Dakota, is, right this moment, on the verge of being flooded in Biblical-level deluge. How bad is it? Let us explain:

Finally, Jesus

Richard Lawson · 03/10/09 01:42PM

Note that these segments always seem to come at the end of the broadcast, when people could use a reprieve from all the murder and house fires and terrible political machinations of the day. We need the Savior! And look how often we get Him (and sometimes her). Faith works, folks.

Newsweek (Hopes) To Become The Economist

Hamilton Nolan · 02/09/09 10:07AM

Newsweek, which traditionally (dentist's office joke), has for the first time ever correctly identified an overarching trend in American society and formulated a reasonable response, unaccompanied by any special "The Historical Jesus" stories!

Atheist Ads Target Jesus, Santa, Babies

Hamilton Nolan · 11/13/08 01:57PM

The annual War Against Christmas is starting again! This is the time of year when secular humanists and other assorted anti-American forces do various things to undermine Jesus, such as asking for the term "Holiday party" to be substituted for "Christmas party," and requesting that Jews, Muslims, and members of other blasphemous religions be "included" in things. But this year it's even worse, because some atheists have started a public ad campaign designed to destroy God! Fox News is taking this threat very seriously:

The Christian Twitter Is Here

Hamilton Nolan · 09/22/08 12:26PM

Do you like microblogging, but always found Twitter to be too full of godless heathens? Well rejoice, because Gospelr is here! It's the Christian version of Twitter, and do we need to explain anything further? Praise god no. The founder says he hopes it will be "effectual in regards to sharing the Gospel," but then admits "I have no idea how Gospelr might eventually be used." Hopefully not by Julia Allison! Let's take a look at the holy activity going on at Gospelr right now:

Without Comment

Pareene · 06/24/08 01:18PM

"The nude portrait was a gift from Iceland's first lady, who tells Bloomberg News she has 'yet to meet someone who does not want a naked picture of their loved ones with text about themselves.'" [Gothamist via Fleshbot]

Jesus Gyms: Helping To Ease Christians Out Of The Mainstream

Hamilton Nolan · 06/06/08 09:40AM

You love working out. You love Jesus. But gyms are such meat markets: sweaty, sculpted, sexy bodies everywhere, driving your brain crazy thinking about... not the church bake sale, if you know what we mean. (Sex). So what to do? Where can you go? Is this all a setup leading into a trend story about the astounding success of a Christian-themed gym located, predictably, in Florida? God yes! And furthermore, we think it's great:

Celebrity Jesus: Original Gangster Version

Hamilton Nolan · 06/04/08 01:30PM

Hey kids: you think Catholicism is all about musty old churches and child-molesting priests? Think again, yo! Everything that you think is cool came from a man named g-o-d—including blunt-smoking gangster rapper Snoop Dogg. Deify him! But he's not the only one of you young peoples' false idols who came from the Godmeister. That's right, Sienna Miller did too! These two ads from the Australian version of Marie Claire are supposed to promote the Catholic Church's upcoming World Youth Day. 1-8-7 with a gat in your mouth, Jesus! Gaze upon the full versions of two [REAL] horrifying ideas of youth outreach:

Jesus Will Carry You To A Good Lawyer

Hamilton Nolan · 05/19/08 10:24AM

You've surely seen a copy of it on the walls of your local Sunday school, A.A. meeting, or weed-filled hipster apartment, ironically: Footprints in the Sand, the mawkish little poem/ parable about Jesus carrying you when you couldn't carry yourself. The work has become a gold mine of merchandising opportunities, which is what everyone, including Jesus, really cares about (sandals aren't free). So naturally three different people have been squabbling for years over who wrote it. Now, the son of one proclaimed author is taking the other claimants to court for copyright infringement. Sigh. It would really be tidier if Jesus could just settle this himself. After the jump, the three slightly different versions of the poem that claim to be the original. One thing we can all agree on is that god needs to pick more creative messengers: