Some ignorant folk don't think "public speaker" Sarah Palin deserves her outlandishly steep paycheck. Eddie Furlong's hitting the coke pipe. And Penelope Cruz enjoys kissing both Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson. It's your Wednesday morning gossip roundup!

• The Kardashian girls continue to rake it in. Khloe Kardashian tied the knot with LA Laker Lamar Odom last night at a ceremony and reception was paid for by E!. (The event will be featured on an upcoming episode of E!'s Keeping Up With the Kardashians.) She may collect $250,000 more by selling photos of the nuptials. [People, TMZ, P6]
• After spending three decades as a fugitive on charges he raped a 13-year-old in 1978, famed director Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland on Saturday while on his way to attend the Zurich Film Festival. [NYDN, ABC]
• One of Saturday Night Live's brand new cast members, Jenny Slate, dropped an F-bomb on the show. [YouTube, NYDN]

Josh Hartnett walking around the West Village ... Rihanna heading into Da Silvano in a super-sheer top ... Jake Gyllenhaal talking to Constantine Maroulis at the U.S. Open ... Mickey Rourke walking near Bryant Park with an unidentified female ... Brooke Shields walking her dog in SoHo ... Shia LaBeouf and Carey Mulligan riding a motorcycle for Wall Street 2 ... Becki Newton hailing a cab on Fifth Avenue ... Hugh Jackman hanging out with his kids downtown ... Rachel Bilson getting in an SUV outside her hotel ... Matthew Broderick walking son James to school ... Jude Law arriving at the Broadhurst Theatre ... Matt Damon shooting scenes for his new movie ... LaToya Jackson waving to photographers outside her hotel ... Kate Gosselin leaving her hotel ... and Madonna leaving dinner with Jesus Luz, and later attending a performance of "The Steady Rain" starring Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig.

• Speculation over the cause of DJ AM's death last Friday continues. People's sources tell the magazine Goldstein had eight undigested OxyContin pills in his stomach (and a ninth in his mouth) when he died, pretty clear evidence it was a suicide. TMZ reported a few days ago that the overdose was accidental, and it's sticking by its version of events. [People, TMZ]
• In the meantime, Goldstein's ex-girlfriend, model Hayley Wood, is denying rumors that he took his life because he was distraught over their breakup. [Us]
• Lindsay Lohan may now be leaving behind her LA home. But she may be leaving behind an unpaid $50,000 rent bill, too. [Radar]
• Kate Hudson is a little "clingy" when it comes to A-Rod, apparently. [MSNBC]

Well, it's not bad, per se, but it's not necessarily great either. It follows the familiar Madge pattern of ripping off current street culture, thrusting and simulating masturbation, and singing about partying. Boyfriend Jesus Luz has a cameo where he plays DJ while M strips him tries to suck the life force out of him, but he doesn't show off his turntable badness like we thought he would. Luckily producer Paul Oakenfold is nowhere to be found.

• It's been a couple of thousand years since a man named Jesus "sparked a frenzy" in Jerusalem. But it happened again yesterday when Jesus (Luz, that is) accompanied Madonna to the Western Wall. [DM]
• Yesterday it was reported that Chris Brown had told Larry King that he didn't really remember beating up Rihanna. Now he says he does remember using her a human punching bag; it's just that the clip used to promote the show was taken out of context. [People]
• Filming has started on the new season of the Real Housewives of New York City. And the pressure is on, apparently. There are two "backup" housewives waiting in the wings in case the women don't perform and "the story lines are not interesting enough." [P6]
• Demi Moore would like to make it clear she's never had plastic surgery. It's natural that she looks like that at the age of 64. So back off. [Telegraph]

It's so bad, in fact, that if it didn't star her pubescent model boyfried, Jesus Luz, we'd think it was a fake. Madge, what is going on in your Kabballah-riddled brain?

• Lindsay Lohan left her cell phone at a deli yesterday. When she returned a few minutes later to retrieve it, an employee refused to give it back to her. LiLo wasn't too pleased to hear that, of course. (Let's hope the Italian ice she's holding made up for it.) But most of the time, she only has herself to blame for her troubles. Yesterday she tweeted that she was at a store in SoHo. But then she got annoyed when a gazillion photographers materialized outside a few minutes later. [Sun, P6]
• Salman Rushdie was spotted making out with a hot, young babe at the Inglourious Basterds party at the Standard Grill the other night. [P6]
• Jennifer Aniston supposedly "feels rejected and upset" after Bradley Cooper dropped her and started dating Renee Zellweger. [Us]
• Speaking of Zellweger, she used her appearance on David Letterman's show last night to promote the Blue Parrot, the Mexican restaurant she co-owns with Ron Perelman, Jon Bon Jovi, and Larry Gagosian, among others. [People]

[Madonna leads her troupe of children (including boyfriend Jesus Luz) through the streets of Italy earlier today. Apparently she is in mourning for her 51st birthday. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Jeremy Piven goes nuts on Chris Kattan, Robert Pattinson parties in Queens, Michael Jackson is finally buried, Bethenny Frankel hates Gwyneth Paltrow, Jesus Luz wants to be a DJ, Mariah Carey is freaking out and Victoria Beckham debuts on Idol.

• The case of the mercury-tainted sushi lives on: Chris Kattan ran into Jeremy Piven backstage during a taping of Alexa Chung's MTV show last week and made a crack about Piven's short stint on Broadway; a very offended Piven responded by calling Kattan's entire career into question. [NYDN]
• Madonna's Brazilian-born boy toy, Jesus Luz, is more than just a model: He's now a DJ, too. [P6]
• Bethenny Frankel is no fan of Gwyneth Paltrow: "I'd rather staple my eyelids shut than watch Gwyneth cook." We're going to assume the feeling is mutual. [NYDN]
• In what amounted to a two-way publicity stunt, Kathy Griffin and Levi Johnston (better known as Bristol Palin's baby daddy) turned up to the Teen Choice Awards last night holding hands. [Us]

Kim Cattrall breaks up with her man, Will and Jada Smith have lots of sex, Chace Crawford is moving out of Ed Westwick's place to get his own apartment downtown and Megan Fox is shopping for a house.

• Is Penelope Cruz with child? The only evidence seems to be that she looks a bit bigger these days, but if that's enough to convince you, feel free to pass the rumor on to everyone you know. [P6]
• Jesus Luz, Madonna's Brazilian model boyfriend, isn't happy that Madge has been spending time with her ex, and he's become "downright childlike" in his need for her constant attention. That might have something to do with the fact that he is a child, but whatever. [NYDN]
• Who says the love fades after 60? Jane Fonda is reportedly head over heels in love with her new boyfriend, music producer Richard Perry. And Robert Redford tied the knot with his younger German girlfriend over the weekend. [P6, People]

• Are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie moving to NYC and into a giant apartment at the Apthorp? That's the rumor! [NYDN]
• The good news/bad news for Madonna: She's getting along much better with her ex, Guy Ritchie, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, the reconciliation isn't making Madonna's boyfriend, Jesus Luz, very happy. [DM]
• After six months in St. Lucia, Amy Winehouse is lonely, homesick, and deeply unpopular with the locals. So now she may return to the U.K. where she's totally adored, naturally, [DE]
• Boys will be boys: Leonardo DiCaprio looked like he was "on the prowl" in NYC last week. And Jeremy Piven looked like he was "ogling" Hayden Panettiere the other night. [P6, P6]

• Voguette and social fixture Lauren Santo Domingo is branching out into modeling, apparently. [FashionCopious via Pipeline]
• Madonna's very special friend Jesus Luz is very much front and center for Dolce & Gabbana this season. [Telegraph]
• Kira Plastinina, the teenage designer and daughter of a Russian oligarch whose business went bust last year, may be preparing to return to the U.S. [WWD]
• Elle is launching its own online video channel. [Fashionista]
• Jack and Lazaro guest-edited the latest issue of A Magazine. [NYT]
• Beth Ditto has a new plus-size line and she isn't the only one. [NYT]
• Temperley is opening a pop-up shop in the Hamptons. [WWD]
• The first online D&G store makes its debut on June 23. [WWD]
• Roberto Cavalli and Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza had "a 15-minute conversation with a homeless man" after dining at Nobu. The mind reels. [P6]

All the pretty, fabulous people were at Lorenzo Martone's birthday party at soon-to-open club Avenue last night, meaning I wasn't there. Luckily a photographer was! The party, thrown by Martone's boyfriend Marc Jacobs, played host to many gliterrati, including Madonna and her maybe-boyfriend, model Jesus Luz. More pictures are here.

Rihanna may be getting over Chris Brown by boning Kanye West, Jesus Luz puts Madonna in the "friend zone," Mike Tyson's 4 year-old daughter is on life support after accidentally hanging herself with an electric cord, and Brooke Shields expresses regret for not slutting around when she was young.

• Despite the fact his dad says they're planning a Kabbalah commitment ceremony and he's currently shacking up at her apartment, Jesus Luz tells a Brazilian TV station that Madonna is "just a friend." Also: He really doesn't mind it if you refer to him as her "boy toy." [NYDN]
• Kiefer Sutherland has apologized to Jack McCollough for head-butting him, and charges against the actor are likely to be dropped. Not that he's learned much of a lesson: He was spotted boozing it up on the LES with his daughter in tow last week. [NYP, P6]
• The celebrity crime wave continues: Kevin Bacon had his BlackBerry stolen from him last week. And Monica Bellucci and husband Vincent Cassel had more than a quarter of a million dollars in cash and jewels taken from them while they were attending the Cannes Film Festival. [NYP, DM]
• Mel Gibson has confirmed that he and his Russian musician girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, are expecting. [People, NYDN]
• Mariah Carey spent Memorial Day in Turkey. Why Turkey? Because a hotel paid her $1.5 million to perform, that's why. [P6]

• Cynthia Nixon and longtime girlfriend Christine Marinoni have gotten engaged. The couple announced the news at the Love, Peace and Marriage Equality rally over the weekend. [OK!, ET]
• Mariah Carey reportedly threw a fit in Cannes on Friday evening when the director of her new movie had the audacity to show up late to the premiere, thus denying her precious time on the red carpet. [NYDN]
• Also in Cannes: Giuseppe Cipriani was seen making out with Tara Reid; and Kirsten Dunst missed the party she was supposed to be hosting because she missed her flight. [NYDN, Mirror]
• Kelly Bensimon is telling friends she regrets joining the Real Housewives cast since appearing on the show has "ruined her socially." [P6]
• Brooke Shields says her mother was checked out of her nursing home last week by a National Enquirer reporter looking for a scoop. [People]

Justin Timberlake following his bodyguard out of a building downtown ... Gisele Bundchen walking to her West Village apartment in the rain ... Mary-Kate Olsen grabbing coffee downtown with Nate Lowman ... Jennifer Aniston sitting down on the set of The Baster in Central Park ... Tom Hanks getting out of an SUV ... Kirsten Dunst hailing a cab in the West Village ... Whitney Port having lunch downtown ... Madonna walking behind Jesus Luz ... Jennifer Hudson waving to fans outside the Today show ... and Jewel carrying her dog in Midtown.