Oh look who's naked: Jesus Luz, the young boyfriend of pop singer/Crimean War veteran Madonna, has been snapped in the nude. Well, we only think it's him. 'Cause there's no head.

• The first photos of Tiger Woods at Mississippi sex rehab facility he's been staying at have arrived. He's wearing a hoodie, baseball cap, and pair of shorts in the pics. And he has a not-so-happy expression on his face, which is probably how you'd respond, too, if you were in sex rehab and you walked out of your front door to find a National Enquirer photographer lying in wait. [NE]
• Will today be the day Conan finally settles with NBC? Quite possibly. [NYDN]
• Several of Lindsay Lohan's friends think she may be cutting herself (again) after she showed up at a pre-Golden Globes party with a fresh scar on her arm. In other LiLo news, she was spotted making out with a random French actor the other night, in case that news is of any interest you. [NYDN, TMZ]
• Are you ready to bid adieu to the charming cast of cable TV's classiest new reality show? Yes, the finale of Jersey Shore airs on MTV tomorrow night. But it will be followed by a one-hour reunion special and producers are already hard at work on prequel called "Before the Shore," so rest assured you'll be seeing plenty of the Shore crew in the months ahead. [NYP]
• Just in time for the new season of Real Housewives of New York City, Kelly Killoren Bensimon has agreed to appear in the March issue of Playboy. The 41-year-old mother of two will appear on the cover. But there will also be six-page "nude pictorial"—shot by Kelly's ex-husband Gilles Bensimon—inside the magazine as well, you'll undoubtedly be thrilled to hear. [Us, P6]

• The messiest TV feud in years may be nearing its end. Conan O'Brien and NBC are said to be close to signing a deal that would allow Conan to walk away from The Tonight Show with $32.5 million in hand. He wouldn't be able to host a show on another network until September under terms of the agreement. And it remains unclear if he'll be able to take some of the memorable characters he created with him, like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog or the Masturbating Bear. [TMZ]
• Has Jennifer Aniston finally found love? Probably not, but she's reportedly hooking up with Gerard Butler again. After taking pictures together on the red carpet at the Golden Globes, Aniston and Butler were supposedly seen "making out" backstage and were "attached at the hip all night." [P6]
• Madonna may be looking to add to her collection of kids. According to a Brit tabloid, the 51-year-old singer wants to have a baby with her Brazilian boytoy Jesus Luz since she has "endless love in her heart for another child." [Sun]
• Tiger Woods may be staying at Pine Grove, a sex rehab facility in Mississippi, if you happen to be looking for him, or you just need the name of a place that will treat your own compulsion to sleep with hookers and waitresses. [Us]

Aniston and Butler are obsessive-compulsive fake-romance rumormongers. Madonna tries for a baby Jesus, Britney sinks to a new low, Kate Moss gets engaged, Kim Kardashian will get a wedding ring when Reggie gets his Superbowl one. Here comes Tuesday gossip.

Madonna heading into Adour on East 55th Street last night to reportedly meet her ex-husband, Sean Penn, for dinner ... Madonna and Jesus Luz bundled up and wearing face masks as they leave a movie theater after catching a screening of Avatar on Wednesday night ... Steve Schirripa and Michael Imperioli sitting in the stands at a Knicks game at Madison Square Garden ... Blake Lively and Chace Crawford shooting scenes for Gossip Girl on the Upper East Side ... Nick Jonas waving to photographers outside the Late Show with David Letterman ... Jessica Simpson arriving at the Ambassador Theatre on West 49th Street to watch sister Ashlee's performance in Chicago ... and Angelina Jolie filming stunt scenes for Salt.

It's been quite a ride for Jesus Luz, the Brazilian model most famous for serving as Madonna's arm candy since the two met in Rio last December (and bonded over their shared enthusiasm for Kabbalah, apparently). A year ago Luz was making $500 a day as a model. These days—and like several other people better known for their connections/last names, not their musical abilities)—Luz collects a tidy sum to spin at clubs around town, and his modeling career has been given a big boost as well:

The mysterious enigma that is Jesus (Luz), Madonna's 22 year-old Brazilian model/DJ boyfriend, got the Sunday Styles profile treatment this weekend. It is, in a word: hysterical.

Have you noticed that more and more social scenesters, models, and offspring of the rich and famous have morphed into DJs? It's a trend, as W points out:

• Was Lindsay Lohan dating Heath Ledger at the time of his death? That was what came out yesterday when the latest clip from Michael Lohan's vast archive of recorded phone conversations was posted online. (Dina Lohan can be heard expressing concern that Lindsay was headed down the same path.) On tap for today? A call between Dina and Michael in which she tells her ex-husband that Lindsay has been cutting herself. [NYDN, NYP, Radar]
• Alleged David Letterman extortionist Robert "Joe" Halderman appeared in court yesterday where his lawyer asked a judge to drop all the charges against the former news producer. The reason? Halderman's $2 million demand wasn't blackmail, silly. It was a legitimate business proposal in which Letterman could have first dibs on his screenplay, naturally. [NYP, NYDN, TMZ]
• Rihanna says she put on the tightest dress she could find to pick up Glamour's Woman of the Year award on Monday night at Carnegie Hall. She also spent $50,000 flying in her mom, aunts and brothers from Barbados to join her at the event. One person who was missing from the festivities: Her dad, who RiRi recently said abused her mom while growing up. [P6, NYDN]

• A judge has granted a temporary restraining order barring Jennifer Lopez's ex, Ojani Noa, from distributing a sex tape starring his former wife/benefactor. The order is only in effect for a day and another hearing is scheduled for today, so J. Lo's sex-filled 1997 honeymoon may still see the light of day yet. [TMZ, Reuters]
• Malaysian party boy (and clubland savior) Jho Low celebrated his 28th birthday last week at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas with "bikini-clad party girls and surrounded by caged lions and tigers." Later, he partied with Paris Hilton, Usher, and Jamie Foxx, who reportedly "gifted the birthday boy" with a red sports car for some reason. Apparently, Low is often mistaken for photographer Chance Yeh, so make sure you don't get these two mixed up. A tip: Low is one buying 120 bottles of Cristal. [P6]
• Robert "Joe" Halderman, the guy accused of trying to extort David Letterman, appears in court today and his lawyer is expected to ask the judge to dismiss some of the charges against him. How long he'll be able to afford a lawyer is unclear. He's raised $100,000 for his legal defense fund, but he was also suspended without pay by CBS recently, too. [NYP, MSNBC]
• Madonna wants to clear a few things up: Yes, she's going to Brazil, but no, it's not to meet Jesus Luz's mom. She's going "strictly for fundraising and humanitarian purposes," thank you very much. [P6]

Russell Brand's house is for sale (so he can move in with Katy Perry?), Pam Anderson pulls a Blanche DuBois, and Robert Pattinson has poor hygiene. Welcome to Tuesday's gossip.

• Are Beyoncé and Jay-Z making plans to have a baby? Perhaps. In a recent interview, Jay "let it slip that procreating is high on the duo's priority list right now." [NYDN]
• Madonna seems to be taking the next step with boyfriend Jesus Luz. She's reportedly jetting to Brazil to meet Luz's parents, including his mom who happens to be fifteen years younger than Madonna. This shouldn't be awkward at all! [Sun]
• Michael Lohan hasn't been sharing his daughter's dramatic phone calls with the world out of the goodness of his heart. He apparently first tried to sell them to various TV networks for $100,000, but ended up striking a deal with Radar, which has Gosselin giving them up for free but getting paid for an interview. Meanwhile, the latest Lohan phone call has been released. [P6, Radar]

Billy Joel heading into a cigar club with "an unidentified pretty brunette" ... Madonna visiting a doctor's office uptown and later leaving the Standard Hotel with Jesus Luz in tow ... Samuel L. Jackson crossing the street in Midtown ... Adrien Brody chilling in the West Village ... Kelly Ripa picking up daughter Lola from school ... Taylor Momsen shooting scenes for Gossip Girl ... Carlos Leon kissing his girlfriend outside Café Gitane on Mott Street ... Frank Sinatra Jr. hanging out in Midtown ... Jerry Seinfeld and wife Jessica walking on Central Park West this morning ... Catherine Zeta-Jones walking to a rehearsal for her new Broadway show, A Little Night Music ... and Katie Holmes playing with Suri at a playground on Long Island.

• Madonna is reportedly "taking a more active role" in promoting boy toy Jesus Luz's career. She turned up to hear him spin at the Valentino party the other night, danced with "some hot fashion guys," mingled for a little, and then they left together. But that doesn't mean she's offered to do a song with him. "There are steps!" he said. "You can't just start out and collaborate with Madonna." He also says that he always plays her stuff because, you know, "It's great." [P6, NYDN]
• After Michael Lohan released a sob-filled phone call from Lindsay yesterday, she Twittered that her dad is "such a loser"; "those recordings are from years ago"; and "he needs the book for dummies on how to be a man." She also indicted she may ask her lawyer to file a restraining order against her dad and/or sue him. So, no hopes for a reconciliation just yet then? [TMZ, NYP, Us]
• Making matters worse, there is now another recording of LiLo chatting with her mother that's been released. [Radar Online]
• Mariah Carey said she'd been a victim of emotional and mental abuse on Larry King Live last night: "To really get out, it was difficult because there was a connection that was not only a marriage but a business thing, where the person was in control of my life." Tommy Mottola, anyone? [CNN, People]

Rihanna and Chris Brown continue to use domestic violence to sell things, the Hoff beats up old people, Clinton and Bush refuse to savage each other for money, Madonna may or may not be a bad girlfriend, and more!

Wow. Do we have a special one today. Jon Gosselin, seeking help from a rabbi. Alex Rodriguez thinks he's a centaur. Jessica Simpson's man requirements. Lady Gaga's ballet. RobPatz's marriage prospects. Presenting your epic Halloween Morning Gossip Roundup. Get scared:

• The gloves are off in the divorce between ex-model Stephanie Seymour and mogul Peter Brant. He claims she blows through $257,000 a month (including $50K a month on clothing alone); has been stealing and/or smashing some of his "pricey art objects"; has a history of abusing drugs; and has been bringing her boyfriend to the house. Team Seymour has yet to respond with its side of the story, but you can be sure it's going to be equally salacious. [P6]
• In other news of warring exes, Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook are back at it. Cook's lawyer says Brinkley violated the couple's divorce settlement and should go to jail because of it. Brinkley's team says it was Cook who is at fault and he should be put in jail. At least they agree on one thing! [NYP]
• Madonna supposedly has real estate brokers hunting for an apartment for Jesus Luz, since she's not ready to have him move in with her. Meanwhile, ex-husband Guy Ritchie has finally gotten around to responding to Madonna's comments that he's "emotionally retarded." In an interview with Esquire, Ritchie responded, "I still love her. But she's retarded, too." [Sun, Esquire]
• Did you know that Dina Lohan has a "celebrity" shoe line called Shoe-Han? She does! And it will be unveiled today at Trump Plaza. Exciting! [P6, People]

• Jeremy Piven, now fully recovered from his bout with mercury poisoning, has been squiring lots of women around town in recent days. He was out with "a super-pretty African American girl" last Friday; a day later, he was at the Rangers season opener with "a gorgeous blond." Let this be another reminder, however, that short, balding guys can date whoever they want as long as they're on a hit TV show. [P6]
• Producers for Tinsley Mortimer's reality show are reportedly having a hard time getting her friends to sign on. Peter Davis, the Tinz's half-brother-in-law, wrote on Facebook that he has "zero interest in playing a warped, twisted version of myself on television." And socialites Zani Gugelmann and Dani Stahl have also passed. So far the only person confirmed is her sister, Dabney Mercer. So does that mean her ex, Topper Mortimer, is out, too? [P6]
• Padma Lakshmi has said she'd like to keep her pregnancy a private matter. And judging by pictures of her at various parties this week, she's barely showing. But none of that stopped her from telling a reporter that she needs to keep her belly "really lubricated" these days: "Every morning, there's a buttering ceremony after I get out of the shower," she said. "It's really like basting a turkey with body butter." [People]

• Despite several tabloid reports yesterday that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel had broken up, they were photographed holding hands on Monday in Santa Barbara. So what's going on? "Things have been rocky the last few months, but they're working it out," one source tells the Post. ("They've been spending more time apart... and they've been reevaluating their relationship," another tells People.) Oh, and what about those Rihanna rumors? JT and Ri Ri are apparently just working on a track together. [People, P6, NYDN]
• Another dubious rumors making the rounds: that Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez are expecting a baby. Hudson's rep is denying it. [NYDN]
• Madonna told David Letterman that she'd "rather get run over by a train" than remarry again. Poor Jesus doesn't have a prayer, it seems. [HP]
• Lauren Conrad has snagged a movie deal for L.A. Candy, her debut novel about a totally unfamiliar topic, "a 19-year-old who moves to Hollywood, quickly finds fame as a reality series star and then has to deal with the ramifications of living a fishbowl life." [Variety]

• Things are heating up between Justin Timberlake and Rihanna. "Hot grinding sessions," "steamy private after-parties," "impromptu lap dances," and non-stop texting sessions have all been on the agenda in recent days, at least if you're buying what the Star's "sources" are selling. [Star]
• Madonna will do anything for the young Brazilian man in her life, Jesus Luz. And if that means taking him to the downtown gay bar Easternbloc so he can "get some DJ experience in her old hood," well, then so be it. [P6]
• Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman's play, A Steady Rain, has set a record for the "highest weekly sales of a non-musical play." We're guessing their good looks, not just their acting talent, may have something to do with that. [Reuters]