Jeremy Piven most certainly felt the burn while jogging in Malibu on Monday afternoon. The Smokin' Aces star reportedly began to cramp up somewhere between mile two and three and attempted to walk it off. Piven slowly walked down the street, hoping that a car full of co-eds from near by Pepperdine University would come by and offer a ride back to his place. Alas, they never did, and Piven was forced to walk hands-on-hips all the way back to his place.

We're happy to see today that the winged gatekeeper budget-monkeys on the set of Michael Mann's Public Enemies — who so scandalously sought to exclude scores of part-timers from the film's recent wrap party in Chicago — ultimately came around to relaxing their admission standards to the point where even Stephen Dorff was welcome. That would have been a good enough concession for the justice crusaders over here at Defamer HQ — but for Dorff's infamous urinal-queue archnemesis Jeremy Piven to show up as well? Jesus Christ, will they just let anybody into this place?

[Photo Credit: X17]

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When not proposing Entourage cameos to some of the world's greatest hell-to-the-divas, Jeremy Piven can often be found sidling up to one of our city's endlessly replenishable starlets with a patented ice-breaker ("So, have you been to India?"). The desired result is frequently achieved, and within minutes the two are zipping off in a hydrogen-powered Bentley to his place for a better look at his dhoti collection. Sometimes, however, Piven shoots a little too high, and his hottie-air balloon comes crashing down to the ground. Take, for example, a recent run-in with America's #1 fanboy-bait-object:

Jeremy Piven is important, he will have you know. He can pick up girls in a hooptie. He can cut Stephen Dorff in bathroom lines. He can tell Billy Bush to fuck off on the red carpet and his own mother to fuck off over brunch. And, as Janet Charlton reports today, he can also cast wildly eccentric and ill-suited stars in cameos on Entourage based solely on fun chatter he has with them on airplanes. As the piece claims:

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

In light of the news that Ruler of the Universe Ryan Seacrest will soon be hosting a show on NBC called Momma’s Boys, we’re both delighted that the highlighted wunderkind has decided to ignore all the inevitable backlash, and disappointed that the show will be using mere mortals as contestants. Of all the male celebrities out there, Ryan is undoubtedly one of the most clear-cut examples of how we imagine our worst nightmare of a "Mother May I?" type to be, but he’s certainly not alone. Below, we nominate a few of our own submissions to the casting call printed in Backstage this week for “candidates who should be ready to be humiliated,” in celebrity form of course:

Among the many questions we would love to ask Emmy-winning beach yogi Jeremy Piven, one of our most pressing would be how he manages to convince so many bitches to hug him. Somehow the Entourage ringleader has earned himself the Womanizer reputation ever since throwing out his bit-part baldie wigs and zooming package-first into the spotlight. And as we’ve reported in the past, it can’t be due to his masterful pick-up lines. But thanks to a photo shot this weekend, we have ourselves an answer. Piven’s success with women predictably has less to do with his bravado and more to do with one very studly prop.

We rarely like to take a mental walk down memory lane when it comes to the Most Nauseating Celebrity Hookups of all time, but news of the latest addition has unfortunately led us to revisit the grotesque list. We’ve already seen Liza Minelli and Phantom Of The Plastic Surgery Ward David Gest exchange saliva, Star Jones give Al an awkward lap dance and guiltily pleasured ourselves by witnessing wrinkly charmer Hugh Hefner and his thin lips attach themselves to the Girls Next Door. But after reading about one beach yoga-practicing, SUV-abandoning actor known for generally annoying everyone in Hollywood, and one scratchy-voiced “punk” rock chick known for generally hating everyone in Hollywood playing tongue twister in LA this past Tuesday, we may have a winner. The canoodlers in question, and just how far they went, after the jump:

Here's how we picture Jeremy Piven spent his weekend: Seated in a darkened theater, two attractive brunettes on either side, staring up at Robert Downey Jr. engaged in a delightful bit of business involving not-yet-perfected booster-boot technology, and thinking to himself, "I can do that." That said, here's your latest Piv update, courtesy of Rush & Molloy:

Perhaps needing a break from the fast-talking, potty-mouthed, morally askew Hollywood wheeler-dealer he plays on Entourage, Jeremy Piven is taking to the Broadway stage to play one of the fast-talking, potty-mouthed, morally askew Hollywood wheeler-dealers of David Mamet's Speed-the-Plow:

Perhaps Diddy's plan to create a celebrity chauffeur service wasn't such a bad one after all. After leaving a club last night mumbling and grumbling, beach yogi Jeremy Piven made an attempt to drive himself home in a techno-blaring first generation Ford Bronco (we think), but didn't make it very far. Seems the services of his dealer friend were needed to act as designated driver and deliver the Pivster to his abode unharmed. But what went down at the gas station where he abandoned his machismo-exuding ride? Tell us, nicotine-addicted witnesses, do tell us!

We've spent a long time now with the freewheeling, Emmy-winning Jeremy Piven of Today: Oozing confidence from every pore of his shredded, hairless body (save for his scalp), that Piven is an Arian super-man. It's enough to make you forget about the Jeremy Piven of Yesterday, as featured in the clip above from a 1995 episode of Chicago Hope. Playing a patient with a stubbornly persistent erection (an ominous harbinger of things to come? Discuss), that Piven comes far closer to the Piven we first grew to love: Back when the hairline was making a break for the border, chest fur rolled across his torso like tumbleweeds, and carbohydrates still played a series regular role in his diet.

The valet at the Malibu Nobu asked if, in lieu of the standard tip, he could have a much desired Hollywood moment and "hug it out" with Jeremy Piven. Piven reached for his wallet to only discover that it was full of large bills and slowly went in for the hug.

WOW Report notices a theme in actor Jeremy Piven's ads for shoe company Johnston Murphy: "Hand inside suit feeling nipple – check. Finger quirkily pulling down on earlobe – check." After the jump, the "jerk hot" co-star of HBO's Entourage taunts both fans and haters who wish they could lay hands on him.

What would happen if the douchey Entourage cast all took a bunch of 'shrooms and headed out to the desert to "find themselves?" According to EW.com, we'll soon learn. As creator Doug Ellin puts it, "The boys trek to Mexico and Joshua Tree National Park...they'll eat some psychedelic mushrooms...It's one of my favorite episodes. It's their Into the Wild trip." But as any fan of psychedelics knows, the concept of putting four man-children out in the middle of nowhere with nothing but widened minds to entertain themselves can only lead to (further) homoeroticsm and cannibalism. Our hallucinogenic fever-vision after the jump:

One of the most difficult decisions facing today's television watching youth is whether or not to absolutely loathe or laughably love beach yogi Jeremy Piven. And that head-scratcher has been made that much more difficult this morning when confronted with news that the (already taken) actor allegedly asked two models for their numbers at the same party on Monday night in New York, only to discover later that the two Amazonians were besties. Gross, correct? But! He slightly redeems himself by providing Page Six with this stellar quote:

CNET's supertelegenic Natali Del Conte got a Microsoft-sponsored visit from Entourage star Jeremy Piven to talk up Office Live Workspaces. But as Natali said in an email: "They don't use Workspaces. Microsoft just got them to say that they will. I don't understand why Microsoft would have such a non sequitur way to promote this product. The product is good. Why bother with this nonsense?"

For some reason, Jeremy Piven and other Entourage people were hanging out last night at a party for Microsoft's new Office Live Workspace product. A CNET reporter went "hoping to find some people willing to talk about whether Office Live Workspace really is a formidable answer to the Google Docs that I've found myself using pretty frequently," but instead found a bunch of models there. Way to screw up a good Microsoft gathering, Jeremy Piven. [CNET]