• The controversy over the Obama New Yorker cover rages on. The mag says it's received a flood of angry letters, although we're pretty sure David Remnick is the happiest he's been in months. [WWD]

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

By now, we've all seen the video of Gary Busey's vampire-like neck-raping of Jennifer Garner on the red carpet the other evening. But you might not have seen (or heard) that Busey managed to pry himself from his coffin early on Monday morning and delivered a heartfelt (yet borderline creepy) apology to Garner on Ryan Seacrest's radio show. During this interview, we learn that The Buse also managed to spring another surprise attack on the carpet on Sunday (specifically, he interrupted a Fox News interview with George Clooney). However, as disturbing as all of Busey's confused red-carpet lunging on The Most Important Night In Showbiz was, we found ourselves even more disturbed after learning about his "interesting odor."

All told, we here at Defamer devoted five hours and forty-six minutes to watching and chronicling the 2008 Academy Awards last night. And wouldn't you know it, during that stretch, there were only a handful of moments that we'll remember next week, let alone next year. To that end, we gave Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer the unenviable assignment of paring last night's overblown monstrosity down to only its most essential elements. So wave buh bye to no-name costume designers and bid a not-so-fond farewell to Jon Stewart's blandly serviceable monologue, for this two-minute bestlight reel is chock full of moments like Gary Busey neck-raping Jennifer Garner, Joey Fatone drinking Lisa Rinna's milkshake and Tilda Swinton giving George Clooney's rubber nipples the business (among other gems). Enjoy!

It may have ice-snowed yesterday but Jennifer Garner escaped unscathed. [NYP]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so if lady luck should happen to gift you with one, don't squander it: Write it up and send it in! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you spotted David Hasselhoff working off a cheeseburger at your gym.

· Not only is Sanjaya Malakar bent on destroying American Idol, he's now corrupting Maxim Online's Hot Chick in a Skimpy Outfit of the Day feature. He must be stopped. Vote tonight and end this madness. [via LAist]
· Everything seems great in Jennifer Garner's family life—except, of course, for the small problem of her husband's crack problem: "'You know how as a kid you picture yourself with a tall, handsome husband, and you imagine him cuddling your baby?" she asks. 'Ben is like that, like, on crack.'"
· Fucking-averse HBO series Entourage curiously chooses Ron Jeremy's fuckpad for a location shoot.
· "The floor of the home was covered with a layer of animal feces between 2 and 3 inches deep, authorities said."
· These people are unafraid to ask some uncomfortable questions about the Death Star attack. Charlie Sheen endorsement TK. [via CC Insider]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so send in all your holiday shopping and partying sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Axl Rose shopping at the Calabasas Gelson's, where the produce is green and the checkout girls pretty.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so send them in before attending to other basic human needs. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw a Mac attack a burrito.

• Continuing in our Katie Couric Is the Center of Attention day, it seems that CBS will be offering Couric fewer perks than she received at the Today show. That is, assuming one considered expensing Ann Taylor knits a "perk" in the first place. [Page Six]

• K-Fed penetrates Britney for the money. As if there would be any other reason? [Scoop]

• After five straight nights of intense partying, Jennifer Garner collapses from "heat exhaustion" on the set of her new movie. [Gatecrasher]

• Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards have agreed to terminate a restraining order that prevents Sheen from coming within 300 feet of his children. Now Richards will allow him to admire his babies at the intimate distance of 295 feet. [TMZ]

• James Woods realizes his 20-year-old whore is a 20-year-old whore. [Gatecrasher]

• Brad Pitt drops off his adopted children, Maddox and Zahara, at the Warner Bros. lot daycare, where they play with the dirty children of common studio secretaries. [Page Six]

• Today in Rush & Molloy: Celebrities looove ping-pong! OMFG! Seriously though. McFly? August blows, yes, but isn't somebody out there fucking someone else? They don't even need to be that famous, really. Just spare us the ping-pong. [R&M]

A fatal accident on the set of the Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner movie The Kingdom has claimed the life of Nick Papac, a 25-year-old assistant propmaster. It's a sad, terrible event, which Access Hollywood sensitively handles by bundling it with another nearly averted Kingdom tragedy: the female lead's heat-induced fainting spell:

• We've no idea if this is even halfway accurate or not, but the picture at right is circulating the internets as that of recent celebrity spawn Violet Affleck. If it turns out that this is just a civilian baby, we don't care: we just wuv the cutesy-poo baby cuddle-bug. Crap, now our ovaries are twitching... [Violet Ann Affleck]
• Bad news for fans of the Cartoon Network — no, not that Cartoon Network, but the one that delivered pot to your door. Seems your delivery dude got busted. [Newsday]
• Downtown auteur love dies another death, as the rich-hipster romance of director Spike Jonze and Yeah Yeah Yeah's lead freak Karen O. ends in a miserable implosion. [Productshop NYC]
• Available at the CNN store in the Time Warner Center, it's the CNN Holy Cross Necklace. Get it for a Fox News fan you love. [Encyclopedia Hanasiana]
• Okay, fine: Here are the Jennifer Aniston topless photos. We found her GQ side-boob shot to be far more flattering. [Save Manny]
• Rapper Foxy Brown is almost completely deaf. Frankly, we always assumed most hardcore rappers were. [Starpulse]

Us Weekly has just reported that Jennifer Garner has given birth, an announcement that required no fewer than five exclamation points to adequately communicate the giddy joy of new motherhood:

NY Daily News JV gossip Lloyd Grove hears that underemployed celebrity couple Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's much-photographed love affair with Starbucks™ brand caffeinated beverages might have a sinister, product placement component. Luckily, entertainingly grumpy superflack Ken Sunshine was available to deny Grove's report, even slipping in a public bitchslap of the paparazzi obsessed with Affleck's eggnog latte jones:

· "Schuth has said he fantasized about being married to 'Alias' star Jennifer Garner. At his sentencing, he said: 'I apologize to Jennifer Garner and her pool boy Ben Affleck for involving them in my fantasies.'" Amazingly, this is the least troubling part of the story.
· Michael Eisner showed his impeccable instincts by hating Johnny Depp's soused, Keith Richards-flavored performance in Pirates of the Caribbean . As it turns out, Eisner's fears were unfounded, and Depp did not ruin the film.
· Wanna see a turntable covered in blow? Of course you do.
· Pamela Anderson is shocked—shocked!—that the producers of Stacked, a sitcom with a title that puns on her prodigious, man-made rack, would dress her in clothes that showcase said factory-installed mams. Shocked!
· Jessica Simpson is photographed sans wedding ring, sans Lachey-unit, but with some other guy at a movie. These are all signs of a completely healthy, not at all maintained-solely-for-appearances union.

· Owen "The Butterscotch Stallion" Wilson shakes his glorious mane and gallops proudly away from Paramount's The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, possibly due to the studio's inability to find a female co-star meeting the Stallion's exacting standards. In a tragic downgrade, Zach Braff is now considered the frontrunner to take Wilson's place. [THR]
· Fox orders a pilot of the Jerry "All Your TV Are Belong To Me" Bruckheimer celebrity-lawyer procedural American Crime. Bored of merely recycling concepts, Bruckheimer mixes things up by reusing titles, as American Crime was the original name of CBS's Close to Home. [Variety]
· Jennifer Garner's Vandalia Films sets up erotic thriller Sabbatical at Touchstone as a starring vehicle for the actress, who bravely refuses to believe that marrying Ben Affleck has effectively ended her career. [THR]
· Touchstone TV rewards Grey's Anatomy showrunner Jim Parriott for his breakout, post-Housewives timeslot hit with a three year overall deal. [Variety]
· NBC ponders moving My Name is Earl to highly competitive (and lucrative) Thursday night, but Fox might be mulling a shift of juggernaut American Idol to that night as well, likely resulting in untold Must See TV ratings carnage. [THR]

Even if Garner wasn't acting when she let it slip on national television that she's having a girl, this wasn't nearly as big an oopsie as getting "inadvertently" knocked up by Ben Affleck. Sometime during the fourth hour of labor, the actress will "accidentally" punch her husband in the genitals for convincing her that the pull-out method is an effective form of birth control.

Livid that their favorite actor has been given the heave-ho from Alias, angry Michael Vartan fans have apparently started a campaign of "misinformation" against co-star and former lovah Jennifer Garner, whom they blame for Vartan's unceremonious curb-kicking. Page Six runs down the finer points of a memo being distributed by the fans, then gives an ABC publicist equal time to refute reports of the evil laser beams supposedly emnating from Garner's eyes:

First Chappelle, now this? We're not going outside today, because we're pretty sure the next thing is going to involve a torrential downpour of boiling menstrual blood. The Big Mogul in the Sky's really backed himself into a corner with this one.

We have no idea why someone's painted Ben Affleck's face on a child-size chair, or why such a moving objet d'art was being removed from Affleck's house. Perhaps the chair was delivered to his residence by his "number one fan," who lit himself on fire on the front lawn once he realized he and Affleck would never be together now that Jennifer Garner and the baby are in the picture, and the painting was too painful a reminder of the tragic intersection of crushing fame and unrequited love. Who knows? It's Friday morning and we don't need to have all the answers. In any case, it's a more flattering likeness than Affleck's Police Sparkling Gun Playset.