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Us Weekly has just reported that Jennifer Garner has given birth, an announcement that required no fewer than five exclamation points to adequately communicate the giddy joy of new motherhood:

EXCLUSIVE: JENNIFER GARNER GIVES BIRTH!!!!!
 Us Weekly has learned exclusively that Jennifer Garner ,33, has given birth to a baby daughter. Sources confirm to Us that Garner, whose due date was December 8, had her labor induced at an L.A. hospital. The actress is married to Ben Affleck,33. ''They induced last night,'' a friend of the couple tells Us. ''Ben was with her the entire time.''

Thus the cycle of celebrity childbirth begins anew: Once the overjoyed parents are done with their initial round of cooing at the career-crimping—but unconditionally loved!—product of their relationship, serious negotiations for the first photographic images of the baby girl can commence. And until one of the glossies steps up with an acceptable seven-figure offer, stay-at-home dad Ben Affleck will have to leave the peanut at home while making his daily Starbucks runs, lest paparazzi lenses compromise the couple's newest revenue stream.

UPDATE: A stringer from E! News apparently beat an obstetrics nurse severely enough to make her cough up the newborn's name: Violet. Cute, dainty, a little bit boring. Are we disappointed that Affleck and Garner didn't veer into Apple or Coco territory? Sure. Are we holding out hope that they'll go for crazy-naming glory when Violet's little brother arrives 10 months from now? You bet your sweet little ass we are.