That's the normal reaction when Hugh Grant touches your butt, right? Rachel Uchitel finally goes to the press, Rihanna wants to make out with Megan Fox, Ben and Jen mate like bunnies. Wednesday gossip, yours for the taking.
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie went to the Stop & Shop in Oyster Bay with two of their kids on Saturday and were "very friendly" to employees of the store. Please try to contain your amazement. [Us]
• Lindsay Lohan must be hard up for cash, since she's reportedly in discussions to star in a topless show in Las Vegas. Even worse: She seems to think it will "really revitalize her career and give her some serious theater cred." [Fox]
• Early Show anchor Julie Chen and her boss/husband, CBS chief exec Les Moonves, are expecting their first child this October. [P6]
• Speaking of kids, Amy Winehouse's rep says that the rumors the singer is adopting a child from the Caribbean are untrue. Be thankful for that! [DE]
Today I'm mad at everything. Paul Newman's a drunk, Jennifer Garner's old, Andy Roddick's married, Emmy Rossum is a complete idiot, and Sarah Palin apparently had people "managing" her snow machine accident of a campaign.
Victoria Beckham is turning 35 today. Jennifer Garner is turning 37. Actress Monet Mazur is 33. Liz Phair turns 42. The rapper Redman is turning 39. Architect Costas Kondylis is 69. Writer Cynthia Ozick is 81. Former football star Boomer Esiason is turning 47. Author Nick Hornby is 52. And television exec Henry Schleiff turns 61 today. Weekend birthdays after the jump.
• It's getting ugly between Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony: Star reports that the couple have gotten "physical" and there's been lots of "pushing and shoving," and Lopez has even gone running back to Diddy for help. [Star]
• Heiress Casey Johnson's new short hairdo? It's because she got into a vicious brawl with ex-girlfriend Courtenay Semel, who set Casey's hair on fire and beat her up so badly that she had to be hospitalized. [P6]
• Better not ask Beyonce to dog sit. Staffers at her label, Columbia Records, say she dropped off her shih tzu six months ago but has yet to come pick little Munchie up. [The Sun]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick may seem really happy and content with life, but it's just a carefully-constructed façade that is now crumbling to pieces because Broderick can't stop himself from cheating. Or at least that's what the Star is claiming after it caught sight of SJP socializing with a real estate broker, something you wouldn't even think of doing unless you were planning to leave your husband and move out on your own, right? [Star]
• Peter Cook has filed charges against Christie Brinkley for refusing to hand over son Jack's passport so the two can go on a school trip to Egypt. [P6, OK!]
• Disgraced Lehman CEO Dick Fuld and his wife Kathy needed help using JetBlue's check-in kiosk in Palm Beach, poor things. [P6]
• Paris Hilton says she's not a slut because she's only had sex with "a couple of men," which, by that standard, means you're still a virgin. [The Sun]
♦ Paris Hilton has broken up with Benji Madden after nine months of dating, reportedly so she can return to the party circuit and possibly reunite with her ex, Stavros Niarchos. The second part of Paris' plan might be tougher than she thought, though, since Stavros may have his eye on Annabelle Dexter-Jones. [Star, People, P6]
♦ Anna Wintour's reps say she has no intention of leaving Vogue. And she has no plans to accept a "cultural post" in Barack Obama's White House either, just so you know. [MSNBC]
♦ Have Madonna and Guy Ritchie finally reached a divorce settlement? The couple has supposedly sealed a deal that will let Madge keep her cash and allow Rocco and David to spend half their time living with Guy in England. [ThisIsLondon]
♦ Winona Ryder's British Airways flight had to make a special landing in London yesterday after she fell ill, allegedly because she "accidentally overdosed" on Xanax. [The Sun, NYDN]
♦ Now that she doesn't have Guy Ritchie to boss around, Madonna is finding more time to control everyone else: She's supposedly been "begging" Gwyneth Paltrow to leave her London home so they can spend more time together in New York. She's also busy orchestrating a reunion between Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears: All three will be performing together at Madge's concert in LA tonight. [The Sun, E!]
♦ Padma Lakshmi is apparently on a "man-search" for a filthy rich boyfriend now that her flings with Ted Forstmann and Russell Simmons are over. [P6]
♦ Now that the election is over, Tina Fey says she will be officially retiring her Sarah Palin impression. [Extra]
Jessica Alba in Soho pushing baby Honor ... Kate Winslet hailing a cab in the meatpacking district ... Robin Williams arriving at his hotel on Central Park South ... Blake Lively and Penn Badgley getting in a car after eating brunch in the West Village ... Ryan Reynolds walking by himself ... Kim Raver taking a lunch break on the set of Lipstick Jungle ... Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, and daughter Violet shopping for toys, and later getting in an SUV outside Matt Damon's apartment on Lafayette Street ... Paris Hilton, Ricky Gervais, and Elvis Costello posing in front of Letterman ... Keira Knightley on the set of her new movie in the meatpacking district ... country singer Clint Black leaving his hotel ... and Liev Schreiber, Naomi Watts, and baby Alexander going for a walk.
Karl Lagerfeld looking over a street vendor's wares on Prince Street this weekend ... Chace Crawford hailing a cab in SoHo ... Jennifer Garner and daughter Violet leaving Matt Damon's apartment building on Lafayette Street ... Kelly Ripa leaving ABC studios in Midtown ... Jessica Alba holding hands with husband Cash Warren while carrying baby Honor ... Heidi Klum and Seal walking on the street on Friday... Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber taking a stroll in NoHo ... Matthew Broderick walking son James to school in the West Village ... Kate Winslet standing on the sidewalk ... America Ferrera sipping coffee on the set of Ugly Betty ... Agyness Deyn walking with some friends ... Julianne Moore taking her daughter trick or treating on Friday afternoon in the West Village ... Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise going to lunch at Balthazar ... and Ryan Reynolds crossing the finish line yesterday in Central Park.
♦ André Leon Talley has joined the chorus of disapproval over Sarah Palin's wardrobe budget: "Wal-Mart hockey moms would never spend $150,000 on clothing." Then again, he's not so unhappy with what he's seen so far: "I thought that she was totally pro-Jackie in that knit suit." [The Cut]
♦ Meanwhile, that Louis Vuitton bag that Palin's daughter, Piper, was spotted with? It was quite likely a fake. [Fashionista]
♦ In tribute to Richard Blackwell, the UK Sun does its own worst-dressed list, honoring Rachel Zoe, Britney Spears, and Sharon Stone. [The Sun]
♦ The "luxury mall" in the basement of the Plaza has opened. [NYO]
Pregnant Juno star Jennifer Garner asked if the snappers surrounding her could take about ten big steps back before she entered a medical building. As a woman with child, Garner needs all the space that she can get. Garner added, "I'm showing, not like Minnie Driver showing, but us pregnant women can explode at any moment. And in the best interest of me, you, and your sneakers, let's take a couple of steps back and let move on by."
The pitter-patter of little feet is getting kind of annoying today at Defamer HQ, where news of not one, not two, not three, but four celebrity pregnancies and/or births have us hand-delivering sex-ed pamphlets to front desks everywhere from CAA to ICM. Even in this uncertain era of creative gas-rationing and looming SAG strikes, Hollywood seed is flying, and nowhere is it landing more conspicuously than in the always-competitive sphere comprising Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner; just when Damon and wife Luciana had welcomed Gia Zavala Damon into the cruel, cruel world, Garner confirmed her pregnancy with her and Affleck's own second child. Then, as the rivals regrouped to plot their escalation, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale went and blobbed at Cedars-Sinai:
You didn't think we'd post last week's Top Ten of the coolest male TV characters without following up with one dedicated to all the honeys, now, did you? And while our definitive men's list—checked and rechecked by a panel of TV experts canvassed at various local correctional facilities and gourmet coffee outlets—surprisingly met with some vocal opposition, we're confident its vagina-filled counterpart will please even the most persnickety of TV-lady lovers. There's only one way to know for sure, however. Click play, and decide for yourselves.
On their way to an art class in Brentwood, Violet Affleck nearly provided the snaparazzi with the show of shows as she fumbled around with her famous mom's shirt collar. Jennifer Garner said, "Whoa, sweetie. Somebody is acting like a Chico State student who had one too many Coronas after finishing his last mid term final."
