• There's a good chance you'll be seeing the cast of Jersey Shore in the tents at Fashion Week. (If, that is, you happen to be going to Fashion Week.) MTV's newest crop of reality stars have been asking to tickets to shows, and a few designers have extended invites to "to attend or even model." [P6]
• If you wanted to go to business school but didn't do so well on the GMATs, Diddy is here to help. He says he plans to open a business school in New York City in the near future. [Starpulse, Us]
• Michael Jackson's "personal physician," Dr. Conrad Murray, is expected to surrender to the authorities today in connection with charges he played a role in Jackson's death. He'll likely be charged with involuntary manslaughter, which could land him four years in jail. [TMZ]
• Perpetual brat Kanye West threw a fit while flying back to New York from LA when he was told he and his assistant would have to sit in business class, not first. The temper tantrum paid off, though: The airline found room for him in the front of the plane and the rest of the flight went off without a hitch. [P6]

It all started when Will.i.am got a microphone; it got worse when Ryan Seacrest told a joke. Tiger Woods' yacht docks, Charlize Theron gets a divorce, Mary J. Blige throws a tantrum. Monday gossip roundup, at your service.

John Mayer: "The phone doesn't pick up because I'm masturbating." Heidi Montag: "If Cleopatra were alive now, I'm sure she'd have triple D's." Kelly Bensimon's Playboy shoot: "What sexy looks like at 41." Wednesday's gossip roundup is highly quotable.

Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston are all up in our grill again. This must have something to do with those gay rumors. Every famous male gets them at some point, but how can you tell whether or not they're true?

• The messiest TV feud in years may be nearing its end. Conan O'Brien and NBC are said to be close to signing a deal that would allow Conan to walk away from The Tonight Show with $32.5 million in hand. He wouldn't be able to host a show on another network until September under terms of the agreement. And it remains unclear if he'll be able to take some of the memorable characters he created with him, like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog or the Masturbating Bear. [TMZ]
• Has Jennifer Aniston finally found love? Probably not, but she's reportedly hooking up with Gerard Butler again. After taking pictures together on the red carpet at the Golden Globes, Aniston and Butler were supposedly seen "making out" backstage and were "attached at the hip all night." [P6]
• Madonna may be looking to add to her collection of kids. According to a Brit tabloid, the 51-year-old singer wants to have a baby with her Brazilian boytoy Jesus Luz since she has "endless love in her heart for another child." [Sun]
• Tiger Woods may be staying at Pine Grove, a sex rehab facility in Mississippi, if you happen to be looking for him, or you just need the name of a place that will treat your own compulsion to sleep with hookers and waitresses. [Us]

Aniston and Butler are obsessive-compulsive fake-romance rumormongers. Madonna tries for a baby Jesus, Britney sinks to a new low, Kate Moss gets engaged, Kim Kardashian will get a wedding ring when Reggie gets his Superbowl one. Here comes Tuesday gossip.

This is what a keen male eye has posited in a post for T Magazine (the New York Times' snooty luxury fashion pub.) Well, to be fair, she says "curvy", not the f-word. But still... really? Let's consult some photos!

"Eat my panties off me," Mrs. Pratt rhythmically coos. Vogue threatens Anna Wintour's town car, Elin Nordegren invests in another house, Ryan Seacrest cries over Simon. Come, plumb the depths of Wednesday's gossip.

[John Mayer looks at something strangely in London; image via INF]

Pictures may only be worth a thousand words, but they can certainly sear an image onto your brain for all eternity. Here are the pictures that defined 2009 on Gawker.

• Golf Digest has decided to "suspend" Tiger Woods' monthly column. Will Condé Nast continue to pay him his $3 million-a-year salary? Unclear. [NYP]
• The Balloon Boy parents were sentenced to 90 days (him) and 20 days (her) today. For what it's worth, Richard Heene says he's "very, very sorry." [AP]
• Alexis Glick, one of Fox Business's first employees, resigned today. [LAT]
• Fox will go ahead with Idol with or without Simon Cowell. Obviously. [THR]
• Another humorless group is whining about MTV's Jersey Shore. [AP]
• The feud between Time Warner/Fox over cable fees is getting nasty. [DF]
• Jennifer Aniston, Julia Roberts and Mickey Rourke have signed on to present at next month's Golden Globes alongside host Ricky Gervais. [LAT]
• A look back at the wars Rupert Murdoch has waged over the years. [NYM]
• The trailer for Sex and the City 2 was released today. Yes, already. [EW]

Well, after a week of is-he-or-isn't-he, it looks like that, no, Chris Cuomo will not be taking over for Diane Sawyer on ABC's "Good Morning America". George Stephanopoulous is. And JuJu Chang will takeover for Cuomo, who is leaving. Whew.

• Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods' alleged mistress, is calling the allegations that she had an affair with the golfer "dumb," "stupid," and "ridiculous," and says "it's like asking me to comment if there are aliens on earth." Worst of all, she's bummed that as a result of this whole saga some "nice, normal guy" that she might eventually settle down with is "going to have a tainted view" of her. Meanwhile, friends and former colleagues of Uchitel say the party-promoting, celebrity-wrangling widow and divorcée has been obsessed with getting close to celebrities for years, is a "drama queen" and "fire-starter," and has had numerous run-ins with her employers in the past. [NYP, NYDN]
• What's Tiger up to? He bailed out of a golf tournament in California later this week and still hasn't come out of his house. [Us, NYP]
• Troubled Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson was arrested yesterday for stealing jewelry, clothing, shoes, and even underwear from a model pal. The really disturbing part: Johnson allegedly left a wet towel and "used vibrator" at the scene of the crime as her "calling card." [NYP, TMZ]
• Tareq and Michaele Salahi, "the most infamous party crashers in the world," appeared on the Today show this morning to tell Matt Lauer they did nothing wrong. The couple claim some mystery evidence—to be released at a later date— will prove they were invited to last week's state dinner. [MSNBC]

Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson may have gone psycho for a model who likes to cling octogenarians; everyone obsesses over Tiger Woods' mistress; Westchester reprimands Richard Gere for chopping down trees. Tuesday's gossip ranges from sordid lechery to suburban ennui.

• Tiger Woods hasn't spoken to the cops or the media since he crashed his SUV into a tree outside his Florida home on Friday morning, although he did release a statement on his website yesterday. Did the crash take place as Tiger was running away from his enraged wife? Did Tiger really have an affair with club promoter (and 9/11 widow) Rachel Uchitel? That's all up in the air at the moment, although Uchitel has already hired spotlight-loving lawyer Gloria Allred to represent her, so you can expect this story to play on for weeks to come. [NYP, TMZ, TMZ]
• The fame-seeking classy couple who crashed the state dinner last week, Michaele and Tareq Salahi, are looking for a six-figure fee to tell their story, according to TV producers. A spokesman for the couple says that's totally false. Decide for yourself who you'd like to believe. [NYT, NYP, NYDN]
• Did Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal break up? A "close friend" of the actress says yes, but the couple is denying it. [People]
• Tinsley Mortimer may have a German prince for a boyfriend and she may be traipsing around town with Constantine Maroulis, but she's still got her ex-husband, Topper, wrapped around her finger. They reportedly talk three times a day and he's offered to appear on her reality show to help boost buzz. They may even get back together "for ratings," according to a source. [P6]

Jennifer Aniston takes Morocco by....storm? She's dating (or not dating) a camel. Posh Spice has bunions. Jake Gyllenhaal is special. Courtney Love's greatest hookup ever. Thanksgiving Dinner at the Waverly Inn. LiLo being LiLo. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Katie Holmes arriving at the West 30th Street heliport with daughter Suri ... Jennifer Aniston leaving the American Airlines Theater on West 42nd Street after performing in the "24 Hour Plays" ... Matt Damon leaving the set of The Adjustment Bureau in an Escalade ... Omarion and supermodel Alek Wek crossing the street in Midtown ... Gemma Ward getting out of a taxi ... Kristen Johnston walking in the West Village ... Rihanna going into MTV's studios in Times Square ... Sienna Miller walking her dog downtown ... Hugh Jackman leaving his building with wife Deborra-Lee Furness ... Jon Gosselin reading the newspaper outside the Joe & C Deli on West 72nd Street ... and Blake Lively filming scenes for Gossip Girl in Midtown.

Looks like has-bian Lindsay Lohan has made the switch again—this time for a famous man. Also are Jude and Sienna back together? Is Mischa back on the sauce? Is Piven growing man boobs? Questions answered in Tuesday's gossip.

Everyone is freaking out because Lohan and Versace look exactly the same. Also, Nicole Ritchie's baby appears, Kate is plus eight nightmares, and Hulk Hogan's suicide. Welcome to Wednesday's gossip gems!

It was a big weekend for Gerard Butler. His movie Law Abiding Citizen opened at number two and he hosted Saturday Night Live. Too bad both of them sucked. And now he's on notice.