Tonight's episode of SNL—hosted by James Franco—featured a recurring sketch about the Vogelchecks, the overly affectionate family. In it, Franco made out with Bill Hader and Will Forte. But Franco is totally not gay, guys. It's called acting!

Pretty much anything Bono or Sean Penn write is a festival of crap that would never be tolerated from another contributor. Even James Franco sounds like a moron in today's Wall Street Journal. Here's why:

We like you, James Franco. (Thank you for signing our copy of Going Rogue.) You are a handsome man and a good actor. But now we have to make fun of you for claiming your General Hospital appearance was art.

The moment's almost here: one lucky bidder is going to be the proud owner of our charity-friendly National Book Award-winner and James Franco-endorsed copy of Sarah Palin's Going Rogue, which is going to benefit Save The Children. Not Dave Eggers.

Today at Gawker.TV, a Florida State player completely freezes during a game, behind the scenes of OK Go's video, the Iraqi shoe-thrower dodges a shoe, PostSecret video confessions, and James Franco mucks up a scene on General Hospital.

Drunk yet? Good. Now, grab your wallet, and beat the Black Friday crowds to the best present ev-ar: our James Franco and National Book Award winner-endorsed Gawker Sarah Palin Slambook. It's awesome, and it's for a great cause.

At 2009's National Book Awards we honored Sarah Palin's Going Rogue as 2010's frontrunner for the NBA Fiction Prize by getting it signed by the gathered literary luminaries. And now, it can be the best charitable, tax-deductible present ever.

Quick, get to a TV! General Hospital starts at 3pm and you don't want to miss a minute of Hollywood A-lister James Franco's historic role on the show. Here's a little bit of context so you won't be totally lost.

2009's National Book Awards went down last night. In delightful twists of irony, they were a) sponsored by Google, b) held on Wall Street, and c) James Franco was there. So were Party Crash Photog Mo Pitz and I. BOOKS!

We may not have anything left of our environment or economy by 2010, but at least we'll have something to keep us interested in the cinema. And the marketing machine is already starting. Check out the coming attractions!

The Yale Daily News that came out on Friday (we know, we're late) is decorated like a retro teen mag for their interview with James Franco. Oh, and Hollywood's gayest actor is considering moving to New Haven for his PhD!

• Yesterday, Broadway actress Pia Glenn slammed Salman Rushdie, saying her ex-boyfriend was "dysfunctional" and was still obsessed with his ex-wife, Padma Lakshmi. Today, it's Rushdie's turn to hit back. Not has he "long ago turned the page and moved on" from Lakshmi, he says, he would also like you to know that Glenn is "a large, radioactive bucket of stress," "an accomplished liar," and also happens to be "broke and unemployed." So we're guessing a reconciliation is totally out of the question here? [P6]
• Expect to see an angry video by Tricia Walsh-Smith posted to YouTube any minute now. A state appeals court rejected the rage-filled divorcée's motion to undo her pre-nup to theater mogul Philip Smith yesterday. [P6]
• A California teenager has been charged with burglarizing Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge's homes and making off with $170,000. [People, NYDN]
• Is Ali Wise's PR career over now that four women have accused her of voicemail hacking? That's what the Post suggests today, with a source telling the paper that "Wise is now radioactive in the industry." Then again, if there's anything we can learn from Lizzie Grubman's not-so-pretty past, it's that people who work in PR tend to be a very forgiving bunch. [NYP]

• Kanye West and Lady Gaga's "Fame Kills" tour has been canceled. Was it because of Kanye's little incident at the VMAs? Because tickets weren't selling? No one's saying, although the name of the tour was pretty prophetic, wasn't it? [TMZ, NYDN]
• Kate Hudson isn't a huge hit with Yankee players' wives and girlfriends: "Kate acts like she and Alex [Rodriguez] are married, and no one gets it," said a source. "It strikes them as odd, and it seems suspicious." [MSNBC]
• Lauren Conrad has admitted she can't act. Really. "I think my acting is offensive!" she says. "I'm an awful actor, I'm not super comfortable with it." This it all very true, of course. But points for honesty! [People]
• In a new series of ads for her line of leggings, 6126, Lindsay Lohan can be seen modeling with a stripper pole. Naturally. [NYDN, Daily Mail]

When sometimes Columbia/NYU student James Franco was thinking about his next project, at what point did he think, "I know: a soap. Eureka!" Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is really going to happen. Thank God for DVR!

We have no clue what he does in his personal life, but James Franco's professional life just got even pinker, if you can imagine. Now he's taking a Queer Cinema class at NYU!

Whitney Port eating lunch at Felix on West Broadway ... Ivanka Trump talking on her cell phone ... Mary J. Blige heading into Da Silvano, and later picking up frozen yogurt in SoHo ... Ed Westwick talking on his phone ... Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos shopping in SoHo ... Jennifer Aniston leaning on a taxi on the set of The Bounty downtown ... James Franco playing a guitar on the set of Eat, Pray, Love ... Channing Tatum leaving the Gramercy Park hotel ... Hilary Duff exiting her trailer on the Gossip Girl set with rollers in her hair, and later getting a visit from boyfriend Mike Comrie ... Wynonna Judd leaving the Trump International Hotel ... and the rapper Mase chatting on a payphone.

Model Agyness Deyn riding her bike in Brooklyn ... Kanye West walking in SoHo ... Sienna Miller getting in an SUV outside the Gramercy Park hotel ... Jennifer Aniston walking under an umbrella on the set of The Bounty downtown ... Rihanna shopping in SoHo, and later leaving a recording studio ... Jay-Z filming a commercial in DUMBO ... Vanessa Hudgens checking her phone, and later walking into a store ... Michelle Rodriguez shopping in the meatpacking district ... Marlon Wayans leaving the Gramercy Park hotel ... James Franco and Julia Roberts shooting scenes for Eat, Pray, Love in the Village ... Ray Liotta shopping with his girlfriend in SoHo ... Rachel Nichols leaving her hotel in Midtown ... and America Ferrera sitting down on the set of Ugly Betty in Gramercy Park.

Ah, Columbia J-School, the antiquated educational institution where the young and naive go to chase their crazy Woodward and Bernstein dreams. Sadly, the students there are an unsanitary horde of crumb-infested vagabonds, according to a school memo forwarded to us.

Last month James Franco was supposed to deliver UCLA's commencement address, but he screwed the grads by backing out so he could go to a party—we thought. Now we know the real reason he didn't deliver the address.

James Franco: "Only the douchebags at Columbia would dare take a picture of me sleeping in class." Andy: "Why is that?" James Franco: "I sleep at NYU all the time and no one bothers me." [Columbia Student Andy Nguyen's Facebook]