These pics from a pre-Oscar party remind us of a happier, simpler time, before Crash cruelly totaled the dreams of gay cowboy fans everywhere, and when a brave Jake Gyllenhaal, perhaps knowing that this was George Clooney's year, resigned himself to getting totally shitfaced and partying his ass off with some pals.
Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) before tattling to the world about the night John McCain played footsie with Barbra Streisand under a table at Morton's:
Even if Brokeback Mountain somehow lets the Best Picture Oscar slip through its rope-calloused-yet-tender fingers, few could deny it has already established itself as movie of the year. While other features reeked of desperately wanting to be talked about Munich and Crash come to mind Brokeback's only agenda appeared to be a desire to tell the sad, quiet story at its core. As a result, it managed to capture our hearts in the process, none more so than the enthusiastic collector who won the shirts auction for just north of 100 grand, likening them to "the ruby slippers of our time.
After all the uncomfortable ear-nibbling and fake-rack-nuzzling demanded by his stint as guest editor of Vanity Fair's Hollywood issue, the admirably hands-on Tom Ford finally came across a task he could savor. When the stress of an Annie Leibovitz photo shoot induced a sensitive case of performance anxiety in subject Jake Gyllenhaal, Ford quickly stepped in to make sure the star would properly fill out his jeans. Of course, the actor's freshly fluffed region wouldn't actually be shown in the photograph, but any true artist knows that what's turgidly lurking outside the frame is just as important as what we ultimately see.
Gossip Fodder blog notes that at a recent press conference for his new movie Candy at the Berlin Film Festival, Heath Ledger was asked what George Clooney might win at the Oscars. Ledger reluctantly admitted Clooney deserved the Best Supporting Actor trophy for his work in Syriana, which, of course, is the category his Brokeback co-star Jake Gyllenhaal is competing in. The festival website offers video evidence (the Jack Twist diss occurs precisely at 14:30). A partial transcript of his response:
· We used to visit Grandpa's in Greenwich Village just to catch a glimpse of Grandpa Munster, and sure enough, there he was, smiling and making the rounds.
· Hanzi Smatter ("dedicated to the misuse of Chinese characters in western culture") takes a look at Justin Timberlake's scary Alpha Dog tattoos and wonders why he has the word "ice skating" on his left bicep.
· America's most fascinating couple no longer finds each other all that fascinating.
· A trailer remix to brighten your Monday: Sleepless in Seattle, now with boiling bunny rabbits!
· When did Eminem become a bloated wax figure?
· Will somone PLEASE find B.B. King's bundle of precious?!
· Is Jake Gyllenhaal preparing for all sorts of new big screen homoerotic acting challenges in the next Batman movie?
USA Today and Variety have amassed the definitive surveys of today's Oscar nominee reactions, with most of the responses falling into one or more of the following categories: "I never expected it," "I feel like a kid again," "I will be celebrating with/without alcohol," "My [insert occupation here] called to tell me the news," "I'm thrilled my co-workers got one too," and, finally, its remorseful companion, "I'm disappointed my co-star was left out."
The single biggest complaint about last night's Golden Globes ceremony seems to revolve around His Dreaminess' jarring absence from the Brokeback lovefest. So let's get your twisted awards seasons priorities straight, Jake: Palm Springs International Film Festival, yes, Golden Globes, no? And don't give us this "I wasn't nominated" crap. Who else could we have counted on to pull a Phillippe if Heath had won? Michelle Williams? She would have trouble tackling a roll of soggy paper towels.
Had you asked us this morning if there was a riff on the Brokeback Mountain poster out there that might still make us laugh, we would have responded in an assuredly confident negative. But then someone had to go and send us Grayskull Mountain, and damn it if we weren't helpless to poor Skeletor Del Mar's disconsolate gaze, or the manboyish allure of the object of his forbidden affections, He-Jack. And while we're feeling all warm and Brokeback fuzzy, why not mention that Gene Shalit has made a heartfelt and apologetic statement regarding his highly criticized review, saying, "In describing the behavior of "Jack" I used words ("sexual predator") that I now discover have angered, agitated, and hurt many people. I did not intend to use a word that many in the gay community consider incendiary." Oh, Bozo the Pringles Guy, you had us at "describing." How could we possibly stay angry with you come back into our tender buns, you silly hairball!
Gene Shalit has been the Today show film critic for 31 years now, not because he has anything particularly insightful to say, but because it's fun to look at a man in permanent Groucho nose glasses every morning. But Shalit's bizarre Brokeback Mountain review yesterday has revealed a dark side to Bozo the Pringles Guy that none of us could ever have anticipated. An exerpt:
· Color us shocked: Us Weekly has another celebrity engagement exclusive. This time it's Tori Spelling (who isn't even divorced from husband #1 yet) and her boyfriend of four months, Canadian actor Dean McDermott, who according to IMdB "loves to play golf," and "owns two Golden Retrievers." As if being Canadian wasn't boring enough!
· The LAT profiles mother of dreamy-eyed, gay-cowboy-illusionist Jake Gyllenhaal (and screenwriter in her own right) Naomi Foner.
· Turns out comedian Mitch Hedberg did die of an overdose.
· Blogger Thighs Wide Shut argues the case for Munich, and we heartily agree. We particularly enjoyed the paragraph covering how well the goyische cast (the Jewish Caesar, the Jewish Bond, the Jewish Sade and the Jewish Hulk) infuse their characters with Hebraic realness.
· SNL may have finally produced its first new breakout star since Will Ferrell, but it took the internet to do it.
Defamer's technical team is still working out the kinks on an exciting new technology that would allow us to stream PrivacyWatch sightings in real time, but for now we have to settle for the physical limitations imposed by thumbs on the tiny keyboards of Blackberries and Sidekicks. A reader reports on a lunchtime sighting, from virtually moments ago:
With Brokeback Mountain's premiere just around the corner, its producers are delighted that co-stars Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams fell in love on the set, providing a welcome counterpoint to all the "gay cowboy movie" talk. To thank his leading man, producer James Schamus kick-starts Ledger's public re-heteroization:
• The original Cosmo girl, 83-year-old Helen Gurley Brown, wanted so badly to be on Ellen DeGeneres's talk show that she sent in an "audition tape" featuring her performing a choreographed dance to the best of Andrew Lloyd Webber. The adorable dinosaur even sported a leotard, but apparently that didn't arouse Ellen's libido. [Gatecrasher]
• Porn star Jessica Jaymes is attempting to sell a story of her sexual encounter with Jessica Simpson's pseudo-hubby Nick Lachey for $1 million. No one's interested, perhaps because no one's really surprised. [Page Six]
• Yoko Ono is pissed that Dateline NBC commemorated the 25th anniversary of husband John Lennon's death by devoting airtime to his killer, as opposed to promoting her new book. [R&M]
• In the latest GQ, Woman of the Year Jennifer Aniston lashes out at Page Six's Richard Johnson, saying his coverage of of her breakup with Brad Pitt "was just a game to him, this sick [expletive]." Aw, Jen — Johnson's not playing games. He takes his sick shit very seriously. [Page Six]
• Jake Gyllenhaal denies rumors that he used a body double for his meat-tastic role in Jarhead. We certainly hope he didn't, or else that'll destroy the imagery for our top 5 masturbatory fantasies. [Scoop (2nd item)]
• Jenna Jameson uses MySpace.com? Strange days, people. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
The countdown has begun to Brokeback Mountain, the movie that will test the outer man-on-man tolerance limits of even the most admiring of Ang Lee's straight, male cineaste fanbase. Much is made in the current Newsweek of the, for lack of a better term, balls-out content of the Jake Gyllenhaal-Heath Ledger gay cowboy love story, and how that will play in Gay Pride Parade-free Peoria. But nothing would divert the filmmakers from the message this story set out to tell, not even in its marketing:
· Will Kevin Federline finally dance out of the background and onto the hip-hop charts? Nah, y'all ain't ready!
· This Page Six report that Paris Hilton's latest Greek shipping heir love interest, Stavros Niarchos, offered a homeless guy $100 to dump a soda on himself doesn't sound too nice. But when you realize that Niarchos first offered the homeless man ten times that amount if he and his pals could hunt the panhandler for sport, it puts the whole situation in perspective.
· Towleroad gets an early look at Jarhead, in which Jake Gyllenhaal tries to do for a Santa hat what he's already done for a pair of chaps in Brokeback Mountain.
· In other onscreen gay cowboy news, Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams have birthed a Matilda.
For roughly the ten-thousandth time in the last three months, dreamy-eyed Brokeback Mountain star Jake Gyllenhaal answers a question about what it was like to undergo the harrowing ordeal of an ostensibly straight actor pretending to give Heath Ledger a handjob. Gyllenhaal says his upbringing gave him the strength to spit in his palm and get down to his on-screen manual labor:
· Andy Towle of Towleroad continues his heroic work of chronicling the evolution of The Greatest Gay Cowboy Story Ever Told, Brokeback Mountain.
· Paris Hilton wins again.
· And we always thought that Gawker was written by a robot. Who knew? Actually, until we see her bleed, we're still not going to be convinced.
· "I'm happy with my life, and I love food." Thus spake Lindsay Lohan, whom we all should stop worrying about now.
