The US state prison population has declined for the first time since 1972. Thanks, recession.

Tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser has just about had it with people going out and purposely committing crimes in order to go to jail and be able to purchase affordable Pop-Tarts. Wise up, taxpayers.

Graf writer and Foster's crush UTAH gives her first post-jail interview. Spoiler: Jail is boring.

Right now Li'l Wayne is serving a year-long jail sentence in New York for gun possession. Before hitting the clink, he decided to broadcast his last night of freedom on the internet before riding his Bugatti Veyron into the darkness.

NY youth prisons can no longer *routinely* shackle child prisoners all day, for safety. LIBERALS.

Balloon dad Richard Heene reports to jail today. He's still insisting the whole thing wasn't a hoax. Pitiful. Man up, Richard; you're the greatest sci-fi hoaxer since Orson Welles did War of the Worlds. You're just less popular. [CP]

What about the children? A cursory examination of the "news" reveals the chilling truth which we have all dreaded for so long: There is no hope for you, kids. Just do what you want.

Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff is living large at Butner Federal Correctional Complex, where he's cozying up with mob bosses and walking "with his head high," the popular girl at the jailbird ball.

The Way We Live Now: In prison. Although if we can hold on for a few more years of economic doom, the jail might crumble, from neglect! In the meantime: We stand in solidarity with our oppressed brethren, bankers.

It's a weekday, and that means the Hipster Grifter is back, with some more sexxxy jail correspondence! Besides her usual ho-hum tales of imaginary lesbian jail sex, Kari reveals her wacky idea for a reality TV show. Snag her now!

Peter Braunstein is a convicted rapist and certified psycho with serious mental problems. But he's so tabloid-y! What's his latest crazy celebrity obsession, for the public to point and laugh about? Inside Edition knows!

Lil Wayne will be spending a year in jail in New York for gun possession. This marks the law's biggest blow against rap since they got Foxy Brown, Remy Ma, Lil Kim, Chi Ali, Prodigy, Saigon, Shyne, TI, and Mystikal.

When a federal judge revoked Bernie Kerik's bail on Tuesday and decided to send NYC's former police commissioner to jail while he awaits trial on corruption charges, he said Kerik had acted as if he were "different from other people." That wasn't the way he behaved when he got to the jailhouse and said he didn't want to be separated from the rest of the prison population for his own safety. Because, you know, he's a tough guy, and can deal with anything that comes his way, clearly. Kerik didn't get his wish, unfortunately, and he was placed him in a segregated wing. Let's all just hope he was happier with outfit that prison officials picked out for him (an orange jumpsuit), and the meal they served him for dinner (meat loaf, corn and sliced potato skins). [NYT, NYP]

Former NYC police commissioner Bernie Kerik is on his way to jail this afternoon. A judge revoked bail in his trial on conspiracy and fraud charges today after he concluded that Kerik could not be trusted to honor an order barring him from disclosing confidential information related to the trial. (The judge described him as a "toxic combination of self-minded focus and arrogance," which sounds about right.) Fortunately for Kerik, the trial is taking place in Federal District Court in White Plains, not in Manhattan, so he won't have spend the forseeable future confined to a cell in a building that was once named the Bernard B. Kerik Complex. That could have been a bit awkward. [NYT]

The long, criminally hipster tale of Hipster Grifter Kari Ferrell has finally reached the portion of "Phase Three: Justice" where she receives her dramatic jail sentence.

Did you know that crooked financier and voodoo priest Allen Stanford used to run a bodybuilding gym? It's true! Didn't stop him from getting his ass whupped in jail. But there's a bright side.

On the night of Barack Obama's election, a group of young idiots in "a makeshift clubhouse" in Staten Island decided to go out and beat up some black people. They tried hard. But they made the following mistakes:

Financial con man Allen "Mini-Madoff" Stanford slit his own wrists to become "blood brothers" with an Antiguan banking regulator. Stanford's crooked chief financial officer is now doing farm work like some Peace Corps kid, for PR purposes. Everybody is bizarre!

Bernie Madoff's post-criminal career has been filled with indignities: house arrest, poverty for his wife, and unflattering penis size revelations. And now he may have cancer. Which would be worse than all of the above, yes.