As we expect for most of the series throughout May, this week's edition of Defamer Attractions comes down to about five words: Iron Man, and everything else. Nevertheless, join our weekly survey of new releases for a guess at just how soundly the superhero will beat the competition down, as well as a look at the dog that never stood a chance, our favorite (OK, the only) Harmony Korine film of the last decade, and a run through the week's must-think-about-seeing DVD releases. As always, our opinions are our own, but they're also right. Blockbuster season makes it easy!

· Forgive us for being a couple days behind on Robert Downey Jr.'s Late Show appearance, but we were so excited that someone has finally found way to stop making bad movies, we simply had to share it with you: Simply start every shooting day by balling up the piece-of-shit script handed to you by your director, whipping it at the wall, and having them start from scratch. [Late Show]
· Mariah Carey, 39, has married Drumline star Nick Cannon, 27, at her home in the Bahamas. Yes, she's that chick. [Page Six]
· Phew! Reichen takes back all of the "shady sack of beyond gross lying shit" talk and Bitter Dating Tips for Hollywood from his MySpace page. He was just having a bad day! :P [Pink Is The New Blog]
· Here's a free copy of the new Coldplay single. We're getting a slutty Gwyneth vibe from it. [coldplay.com]
· Wonkette remembers D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Paltry, found dead today, by purchasing her a seat to the stars. [Wonkette]

Gwyneth Paltrow was certainly on a roll when it came to revamping her ice queen image with repeated appearances in bad girl ensembles revealing all kinds of T&A. And we did appreciate the fact that she earnestly tried to justify her new call girl look by explaining that she sucks so hard at the whole acting thing. But at last night's Iron Man premiere in LA, we fear Paltrow's hit a speed bump when it comes to comprehending exactly what "sexy" means. Last we heard, wide-legged jumpsuits showcasing only her clavicle and shoulder blades weren't topping the lists of most male fantasy outfits. But despite falling off the hotness wagon temporarily, Paltrow did manage to pose for a photo that won't exactly improve the week of drug tape-addled Angelina Jolie, baby mama to Paltrow's former fiancé.

Happy May Day. Why? Aside from May flowers, this month will finally bring some answers regarding all those conflicting box office predictions made in the trades weeks ago: will the upcoming back-to-back openings of Iron Man, Speed Racer, Prince Caspian and Indy 4 crush recession worries as Variety predicted? Or is the 19% decline in spring grosses only going to continue, as THR suggested mid-April? Well, the folks at Moviefone have provided us with a bit of guidance in the form of a poll measuring audience anticipation. And despite early rave reviews for Downey Jr.'s performance in Iron Man, the scores of kids aching for more Narnia adventures and testosterone-invigorating posters for Indy 4, it seems the majority of audience-goers only want to talk about Sex, baby.

Gwyneth Paltrow's bid to reestablish herself both as a commercially viable actress and a MILF-y sexpot reached new heights last night on The Late Show With David Letterman. After running into the Ed Sullivan theater looking like she just got done with a spinning class at the Equinox Gym, she entered David Letterman's notoriously chilly environs wearing a sleeveless top that was scantily cut down to there. After dispensing with the formalities (Dave complimented her towering heels, asked how the kids were, blah blah blah), Gwyneth launched into a story about how she had trouble performing a certain scene while filming Iron Man because she had recently injured her knee. While Dave feigned interest in the story of her damaged joint, Gwynnie recognized his lack of interest and decided to do something about it. Namely, she gave his knee (and a bit of his thigh) a nice little rubdown. While we can spout off a number of instances over the years where Dave has been kissed, hugged and even flashed by his guests, we believe this is the first time a guest has ever dared touch Dave's leg for this length of time. More pix of Gwyneth, including the lacy see-through getup she wore to an Iron Man screening last night, after the jump.

The formerly primmer-than-thou Gwyneth Paltrow's slow and steady progression to kinky-boot-wearing siren has hardly gone unnoticed by the press ever since she began promoting her summer blockbuster Iron Man. But up until now, the sexpot look has mainly been limited to her wildly high, frighteningly strappy S&M-style footwear. Now, she's officially moved on to wearing entire ensembles devoted to showing the world (and the industry) that her uptight rep is long gone. So why use short skirts and lacy, skin-tight dresses to woo the paparazzi? We're guessing Paltrow's picked up on that old-fashioned Hollywood formula used by many an actress looking to catch producers' eyes: a few flesh-baring public appearances can go a long way towards jumpstarting a recently lackluster career.

We've always tended to label the polished, well-spoken Gwyneth Paltrow as one of those overly perfect women you want to hate but, irritatingly, can't muster up any good reasons to. But thanks to her recent habit of promoting Iron Man across the globe while wearing some of the most fierce, outlandish, downright kinky pairs of shoes, we officially have no desire to hate the girl anymore. From Rome to London to New York, Paltrow's wildly varied kickers range from towering 7-inch beauties to strappy lace-up ankle booties. And we (well, I) want 'em all. A closer look at Gwyneth's racy choices after the jump.

In all the drama surrounding Edward Norton's Hulk trouble and Iron Man star Robert Downey Jr.'s gloriously checkered past, we've overlooked one of the more conspicuous problems afflicting this summer's superhero glut. To wit: Where are all the women? Are there any comics featuring female heroes whom some studio will take a chance shepherding to the screen? At least one commentator shares our concern at Vulture, and the prognosis isn't looking good:

Though we certainly feel pangs of sorrow for the impossible-not-to-adore Robert Downey Jr. whenever we read the latest interview with him unloading his thoughts on what it was like to be a druggie, we're wondering if it's possible to publish a story about the guy without it feeling like a public therapy session. As he begins his inevitably long and high-profile series of appearances in the press to push Iron Man, he sat down with normally family-friendly Parade to chat not really about the role or the movie, but about his battle with drugs yet again. But this time, he's dishing on the mythic seven-year relationship he had with multi-tasking celebrity Sarah Jessica Parker:

We always love a good box-office panic story this time of year, with studio execs smiling in your face and shitting in their pants while some exhibition insider somewhere blames the coming collapse on a batch of rotten tentpoles. Thank goodness for Carl DiOrio, whose Hollywood Reporter survey today notes that the spring season is down 19% from 2007 while summer promises even spicier drama to come:

Yes, it was a helluva game. And yes, the Manning bros' simultaneous smiles were near-cinematic, as were Plaxico's tears. But unlike the rest of America, we opposed conformity and muted the game, not the commercials. Why? Brand spankin' new movie trailer debuts! And no offense to unlikely hero Eli, but even your wildcard win can't usurp any heat from the likes of Iron Man's Robert Downey Jr. clad in jet-powered metal or Adam Sandler's Israeli accent as a combat soldier-turned-hair-stylist in You Don't Mess With The Zohan. All six trailers shown (and then promptly dissected) after the jump.

Having perhaps developed a new sense of perspective on What Really Matters since surviving a kale-induced gastrointestinal attack, Gwyneth Paltrow has again emerged from self-imposed career hiatus to deliver an important announcement on the current state of her always-tentative relationship to stardom. Sadly, however, the words "red-carpeted hole in my soul that no amount of baby-burping can fill" appear nowhere in the declaration, as the actress tells U.K. magazine Now that she currently has no immediate plans to return to Hollywood's ass-kissy embrace:

· Ah, that's better. Now Jodie Foster's people can enjoy their weekend, knowing their client is special enough to Warner Bros. to finally have her name spelled correctly.
· We recommend that you watch the first few minutes of this video from the set of Iron Man because it's painfully obvious how little Robert Downey, Jr, usually ready to launch into a stream-of-consciousness digression the moment someone produces a recording device in his presence, doesn't want to talk to the poor kid from MTV. Also of interest: Favs seems to have slimmed down quite a bit, and is in fine directing shape.
· We recommend that you watch this video only if you're willing to wash your eyes in bleach at its conclusion. [via LA Rag Mag]
· Judd Apatow isn't thrilled with this "Mayor of Comedy" business. Besides, he makes way more money than a mayor these days.
· You know what never ceases to be a little weird, even though it's old news? The whole born-again Kirk Cameron deal.