The Brazilian wax you scheduled to coincide with your Sex and the City opening night party may have now given way to the discomforting condition known as a Bolivian rash—but luckily for you there exists no better topical salve than the weekend's boffo numbers:
The long Memorial Day weekend may be gone, but we'll always have fond memories of the holiday box office to warm our hearts:
Recover from a weekend so sweltering, you briefly entertained the idea of seeing Speed Racer just to take advantage of two hours' worth of Americana AC, with a glance at some refreshingly chilled box office numbers:
1. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - $56.573 million
It was an easy win for the second chapter of the only major Hollywood franchise that, to our knowledge, is also a lightly encoded Christ-allegory prominently featuring a ferocious talking beaver. (We suppose a reasonable case could be made for the Basic Instinct series, but that debate is for another time. And yes, we just made a beaver joke. It's going to be that kind of Monday.) In next installment The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the heroic young protagonists will be firmly entrenched in their gawky pubescent phase, leading to an awkward facts-of-life talk delivered by a visibly uncomfortable Aslan regarding the pile of crusty underarmor garments he found stashed in their wardrobe. Narnia forever!
Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your guide to what's new, noteworthy and potentially toxic in weekend moviegoing. Today we survey the victims of Prince Caspian's box-office menace (including a particular race-car driver still convalescing from last week's pile-up), pick our first-ever foreign-language Underdog and browse the DVD shelves for potential Sunday-morning-hangover alternatives. As always, our opinions are our own but they are also 100% accurate, so plan accordingly!
Besides creating one of the world's most successful tech companies, Larry Ellison invented the 5 o'clock shadow plus blazer look. He drives an Audi R8 to the gym — the car Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson described as "like smearing honey onto Keira Knightley." Ellison also owns a gigantic high-tech yacht on to which he disappears for months at a time. Face it, people: He is Tony Stark, known as Iron Man in the press. And his employees think so, too. "Having watched the movie at an Oracle employees premiere," one writes, "I can agree and I'm sure so do my fellow Oracle employees." Clips for comparison, below.
Chase away the Monday morning May-gloom blues with a glimpse at the box office numbers:
How's this for irony? The same week Warner Bros. reestablished its mainstream priorities by dramatically cutting off Picturehouse and Warner Independent at the knees, the studio opened the summer with one of its biggest bombs in years: Speed Racer, the imperially promoted, poorly received $100 million Wachowskis film that opened this weekend to $20.2 million — if that. A Defamer operative inside Time Warner sent word Sunday that the studio's estimate could be overstating its actual gross by as much as $2.5 million, placing it in third place overall behind the relatively well-received What Happens in Vegas, which Fox is calling at $20 million but is likelier to cap out between $18 and $18.5 million. We'll know the actual numbers later today, but as explained after the jump, it couldn't get much more sobering for Warner Bros.
The heartiest of Defamer congratulations go out today to the marketers behind The Dark Knight and Iron Man, whose savvy trailers have now captivated legions of inhaler-clutching fanboys and the highly discriminating eyes of those judging the Golden Trailer Awards. The films claimed the top prizes in the Action and Summer Blockbuster categories respectively at last night's ceremony at the Orpheum; other notable winners included Tropic Thunder (Comedy), No Country For Old Men (Drama), Atonement (Romance) and, in a miracle of better-late-than-never recognition, The Assassination of Jesse James took home the evening's Best Voice-Over hardware. Even the Weinsteins didn't go home empty-handed, as their teaser for Awake won the Golden Fleece prize for best false advertsing. Way to go, Harvey; we hope you can remember where you put the key to the trophy case. [Golden Trailers via Spout Blog]
We've already made our case for why the Wachowskis' overstuffed Gran Turismo-on-Salvia fever dream and Kutcher and Diaz's feature-length sexual-health instructional film will likely limp their way across the box office finish line this Monday. But that still leaves filmgoers with a taxing dilemma: Which of the two movies would they rather see less? Clocking in nearly neck-and-neck in their bottom-of-the-class Tomatometer scores, it's anyone's race. Perhaps mainstream film critics—and the pun-loving headline writers who really sell the bile—can help you decide:
By donning a procession of fleshy, high-heeled escort outfits over the last few weeks, Gwyneth Paltrow managed to land herself a new job! No, it’s not a plum acting role (remember, even Gwyneth herself knows she’s “the worst actress ever”), but at least it’s a paying gig. Seems after all that prancing around in see-through dresses and S&M booties has caught the attention of reputably tame brand Tod’s, they of the classic driving shoes and boring leather bags. And just yesterday she began her first day on the new job, shown here filming a commercial in Rome, triumphantly displaying a new pair of towering heels. A closer look at the pair of stilettos that we must admit we find ourselves craving, plus how Paltrow’s Lady Of The Night wardrobe selections have affected sales at British boutiques, after the jump.
Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your weekly source of tips, hints and handicapping for the latest in moviegoing. Today we catch up with projections for the not-so-mystifyingly buzz-less Speed Racer, gauge Iron Man's potential for a second straight week at No. 1, survey the landscape for our favorite underdog on the scene (hint: She shoots a mean game of pool), and browse the DVD stacks for noteworthy new titles. As always, our opinions are our own, but they're also right — Wachowskis be damned.
To establish the fame of Tony Stark-the genius arms manufacturer in Iron Man-the blockbuster movie shows Robert Downey on the covers of Newsweek, Forbes, Rolling Stone and Esquire. (In the movie maker's imagination, at least, these declining magazines can still anoint celebrity.) Wired is more likely to make it across the chasm. Here, via Portfolio, is Iron Man's well-executed take, adapted from the magazine's January issue.
Gosh, Marvel Studios, just take a minute to chew your food, would you? Less than 24 hours after its debut picture Iron Man finished a $100 million opening weekend, studio boss David Maisel was all over town announcing Marvel's forthcoming slate — through 2011. As we noted yesterday, an Iron Man sequel is naturally to follow on April 30, 2010, while an adaptation of Thor will drop that same summer on June 10. It gets fairly outrageous from there: The First Avenger: Captain America appears May 11, 2011, followed by The Avengers — combining Iron Man, Captain America, The Incredible Hulk and Thor a mere two months later. (The studio says its sitting out 2009 as a result of a development lag left over from the writers strike.)
· We have a solution to the global energy crisis: harness Patricia Heaton's mouth! (We especially like the stormy thought-bubble over Barbara Walter's head reading, "Wrap it up, you long-winded hag." Nice touch!) [The View]
· Were you, like us, expecting Disney Hall to transform into a giant, Iron Man-pulverizing, mechanized beast? Oh well. There's always the sequel. [Curbed LA]
· Finally, we get confirmation of the "Mr. Big Kicks-It" rumor that has been plaguing our dreams for months. The truth is...Mr. Big...definitely doesn't...not...live! Maybe! [USAToday.com]
· And finally: George Clooney rocking a tux the way a tux was meant to be rocked. [Faded Youth Blog]
The rather embarrassed son of Robert Downey Jr accompanied his father to dinner at Nobu in Malibu over the weekend. The Iron Man star felt like celebrating for a few reasons — the film's terrific opening and the Lakers victory. However, Downey's son seemed distracted. According to sources at the pricey eatery, when questioned about his attitude, the son said while he's appreciative that they can afford nice things and go to nice restaurants, but why does his dad have to make him wear a Cosby sweater in public? Downey paused for a moment and told his son that he doesn't have to wear anything that he doesn't want; it's just that the family stylist thought it'd look great.
We assumed in last week's Defamer Attractions column that $75 million opening-weekend estimates seemed awfully conservative for Iron Man, but even our $90 million forecast undershot the film's $100.7 million three-day take. (It was $104.2 million if you count Thursday night previews, and more than $200 million globally.) Aside from the obligatory splash for any early-summer tentpole, we're surprised observers didn't see the finely calibrated alchemy that Marvel and Paramount used to spin its Iron into box office gold:
Did you go see Iron Man this weekend? The whizbang blow 'em up made made more money than God, so we're assuming you were one of the gurgling many who showed up to watch Charlie Chaplin dance for his career. (I know, he's great in it and it's frickin' awesome and blah blah). Did you stay through the end? If not, you should have! After the credits was as bold and silly a sequel tease as it gets. Samuel L. Jackson! Wearing an eye patch! Something about Avengers! Whee! We shan't say any more, lest we spoil a movie we ourselves have not yet seen, so we'll keep a bootleg of the secret ending safely after the jump. [From WNJO]
1. Iron Man - $100.75 million
Just when a lackluster spring box office had Hollywood worried, Iron Man jets into town, slapping his Stark™ brass-rocket-parts on the table and daring all challengers to do the same. (Batman was game, though gave up ten minutes into an unsuccessful attempt at unbuckling his utility belt. The Hulk, meanwhile, turned a shade of greenish-red and slinked out of the room, years of performance-enhancing gamma ray abuse having taken an irreversible toll on the contents of those stretchy purple pants.) No question about it, Iron Man enters the Great Movie Summer of 2008 a fearsome, armor-clad conquistador. Among its record-breaking achievements:
· The second-highest grossing opening weekend ever for a non-sequel.
· The tenth-highest grossing opening weekend overall.
· The best opening ever for a Paramount live-action release (though the studio is only distributing and marketing it for Marvel Studios).
The high-sheen, flame-resistant finish on the titanium-alloy cake? Iron Man's wadded-up-script-missile-launching capabilities paid off with a movie worth watching.
