Attention, discerning auctiongoers! The head of St. Vitalis of Assisi — the patron saint of genital disease — is up for auction in Ireland this coming Sunday. Obama must be so bummed he just left!

The erupting Icelandic volcano Grímsvötn is forcing President Obama to leave Ireland a day early, assuming his plane doesn't get stuck on the curb. This is the second time that Iceland's diva volcanoes have disrupted Obama's European travels.

Here's video of Barack Obama's bullet-proof limo getting stuck on the curb outside the U.S. embassy in Dublin, Ireland where he's starting his six-day trip to Europe. Obama was probably in the back going "Gun it! Let's jump this mutha!" (Or, maybe that was just the spare limo.)

Highly questionable ratings agency Moody's today classified Ireland's banks as junk — which is sort of like saying Ireland isn't trustworthy enough for a Discover card.

Remember when all those people left Ireland thanks to the potato famine and then your grandparents would never shut up about it? Uh oh, it's happening again! (The leaving Ireland part.)

Now here is something you don't see every day, giant drunk puppets stumbling through the streets of Ireland.

Moody's, the global credit rating scam agency, dropped Ireland's government bond rating five notches today from "Aa2" to "Baa1," which isn't good (at all)! Greece and Spain could soon feel the Moody's hammer, too. Sucks to be them!

"Greed, greed, and more fucking greed." We've all heard the schpiel about how we got into this economic mess plenty of times (maybe not enough), but have you heard it from a true Irishman, accent and all? Now you have.

An Irish court has overturned the punishment that a college professor received—mandatory counseling and two years of monitoring—for showing a female colleague a scientific paper entitled "Fellatio by Fruit Bats Prolongs Copulation Time." And rightly so. [Irish Times]

After guaranteeing its banks' debts in October 2008, Ireland announced this weekend that it applied for a multibillion-Euro bailout package from the European Union and the International Monetary Fund. Don't freak out, though! The corporate tax rate won't be raised.

A naked, sleepwalking pillhead has won a €10m libel case against his employer in Ireland.

The Way We Live Now: pulling the Irish out of the gutter. Not that we aren't used to it, ho ho ho! Stop mocking the Irish? Next you'll tell us to assist the homeless, or to raise taxes voluntarily. Banana-ness!

Three employees have been suspended from accounting firm Pricewaterhouse Coopers for circulating that email ranking the "Top 10" attractive women in the Dublin office. Now another firm, KPMG, might be facing a similar scandal. Who knew accountants were so naughty?

Accounting giant PricewaterhouseCoopers (PWC) is mired in scandal after a group of 17 male employees in Dublin started forwarding around a "top 10" list of their picks for the most attractive female employees in the office. We have it.

The Way We Live Now: worldwide ballin. In this case we say "ballin" in the sense of "the pit of our stomach is a ball of despair." Pack up the mobile home! Drive to Ireland! A gold rush is on!

Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair is on a whirlwind book tour promoting his debut novel, A Journey. Today he was in Dublin, Ireland and was greeted by flying shoes, flip-flops, eggs, and protesters chanting "blood on his hands."

Irish fans were so irate that Guns N' Roses (or Axl Rose and his current back up band) were late to a gig, they booed and thew bottles until the band left. Finally, the appropriate response to Guns N' Roses!

It was a crime of infinite ridiculousness: Dressed in a sumo wrestling suit, Sandra Talbot assaulted her ex-girlfriend with her own girth and a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, vengeance for flirting with a man dressed as giant Snickers bar.

Would you like to hear the romantic story of "James" and "Maura," the Irish couple who fell in love and had a child after meeting at a nightclub? What if I told you that "James" and "Maura" were half-siblings?

New revelations of child molestation by Catholic priests, and the Pope's indifference, have his critics and defenders locked in a holy war of words. Some anticipate his downfall. Others see a secularist smear campaign. Here's your guide to the controversy.