The Way We Live Now: worldwide ballin. In this case we say "ballin" in the sense of "the pit of our stomach is a ball of despair." Pack up the mobile home! Drive to Ireland! A gold rush is on!

The Irish government is now bailing out all the banks, to the tune of a zillion billion dollars. Which is weird because—stop me if you heard this too—they don't have any money in Ireland any more? They don't, right? They're bailing out the bank with 100% I.O.U.'s, written on remaindered Roddy Doyle books? It's the best I can come up with, right now.

At least they're not Spain, which is really fucked.

The good news is, unlimited Metro cards will still, in fact, be unlimited. The bad news is you won't be able to afford one, and even if you could it would be a moot point, since you, like most of your fellow countrymen, have already committed to a mobile home as your transporhome of choice for the foreseeable future. And while we would never recommend any course of action that would be less than energizing to the pocketbooks of our nation's great mobile home manufacturing industry, we must caution our fellow Americans that most scientists have said time and again that you can't drive your mobile home across the ocean to Ireland, where all the cheap prices are nowadays.

It's time to splurge, America. JP Morgan is delaying thousands of foreclosure proceedings, and one of them is probably yours. That's like FREE MONEY, in your housing pocket. Why stop at a mobile home? Go straight for a Chinese yacht. Sail the sea. Conquer the land. Eat the people. Keep the gold.

[Pic via]