As every child knows, playing dress-up can be a lot of fun. As a least one Circuit judge in Illinois doesn’t, it can also be serious violation of judicial ethics.

After arresting a man for a Facebook post under an unconstitutional flag desecration law, police in Urbana, Illinois, claimed on Monday that they did so to “assure the safety” of him and his coworkers, The Washington Post reports.

Police officers in the suburb of Round Lake Park, Illinois are suing the village over allegations that their own body cameras secretly recorded actions private in nature, like using the bathroom and changing their clothes, the Chicago Tribune reports.

People who work for privately owned companies—even very big ones—are often subject to their bosses’ political whims. For employees of a major Midwestern industrial company, that means regularly being preached to by owners known as the Illinois version of the Koch brothers.

Former Republican Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, who was sentenced to 15 months in prison after being convicted on one count of violating banking laws related to hush-money he was paying to a man he sexually abused while working as a high school wrestling coach, will not appeal his sentence, his attorney told the AP this afternoon:

Police say disturbance at an Illinois Target initially reported as an active shooter situation was actually a man protesting the company’s transgender bathroom policy, the Chicago Tribune reports.

Today, in a federal court in Illinois, former House Speaker Dennis Hastert confessed for the first time to sexually abusing high school students in the 1970s, when he worked as a teacher and wrestling coach in Yorkville, Illinois. The extent of the related charges (for which Hastert received a 15-month prison sentence), the sum of money—$1.7 million—Hastert paid to silence one of his accusers, and the length of time all of his deeds remained hidden made it all but inevitable that third parties knew about what happened, yet said or did nothing. But who?

Kristin Cavallari announced last week that she will embark on a cross-country book tour next month to promote her debut true crime thriller Balancing in Heels. If you were planning to catch Kristin when she hits Anderson’s Bookshop in Naperville, Illinois, beware: The event has strict rules.

Flooding in the Midwest Tuesday shut down portions of two interstates and threatened hundreds of homes, the Associated Press reports. At least 18 people have been killed. South of St. Louis, the Mississippi river, swollen after days of torrential rain, is expected to crest at record levels later this week.

The disgraced Illinois cop who killed himself after allegedly embezzling thousands of dollars from a police youth group and attempting to hire a hit man to kill a town administrator was also accused of repeatedly grabbing women’s breasts at multiple Christmas parties, being a drunken nuisance at local bars, and using a donated gift certificate to get a free tattoo while on duty.

The shooting death in September of a northern Illinois police officer that triggered a widespread manhunt has been ruled a suicide, the Associated Press reports. The Lake County Sheriff’s Office will announce the investigation’s “conclusive results” Wednesday.

Chicago police say they found a toddler’s head, hands and feet this weekend near a lagoon in the city’s Garfield Park, the Chicago Tribune reports.

Last year, Peoria resident Jon Daniel, 29, started a Twitter account satirizing (loosely) his city’s mayor, Jim Ardis, portraying the mayor as a hard-partying strip club patron. Ardis did not take kindly to this caricature, ordering a police raid on Daniel’s house; Daniel sued in federal court claiming civil rights violations. This week, the city of Peoria announced that it had agreed to settle the case out of court, paying Daniel and his lawyers $125,000.

A 23-year-old Chicago man recently made the misdial of a lifetime when he accidentally sexted a potential employer, sending the company’s HR manager a nude picture of himself. Then, the Chicago Tribune reports, he did it again.

A 44-year-old Obama critic was arrested for retail theft in Illinois last month after authorities say he shoved a vibrator down his pants and offered to show an officer his penis, The Smoking Gun reports.

The AP reports that two people died and 15 were injured on Monday after severe weather caused a circus tent to collapse in Lancaster, New Hampshire. Yesterday, storm winds caused a tent to collapse at a festival in suburban Chicago, killing one and injuring more than a dozen others.

All 54 stingrays at an Illinois zoo have died after an equipment malfunction caused a sudden drop in their tank’s oxygen levels on Friday, the Chicago Tribune reports.

Imagine it’s Saturday morning, and you’re about to enjoy a book and a cup of coffee on your back porch, and you’re greeted by four two-foot tall winged eaters of dead meat. They’re staring you down through the glass sliding door, as if to say Do you feel lucky, punk? Oh god, not the vultures again. Welcome to Rick Mize’s world.

The federal judge who will arraign Republican ex-House speaker Dennis Hastert Thursday has deep Illinois GOP connections and contributed twice to Hastert’s campaigns while working as a lawyer in the same firm where Hastert’s son works. You know what, Chicago political machine? You’ve changed, man.

“In light of the charges and allegations that have emerged,” conservative Christian Wheaton College says it has renamed its J. Dennis Hastert Center for Economics, Government, and Public Policy. They could also change the motto to: “Integrity is doing the right thing when everybody’s watching.”