On today's edition of nationally syndicated Public Radio International program To The Point, host Warren Olney chose to tackle the Penn State child rape scandal by devoting an entire show to the subject of whether or not gay and lesbian couples would make fit foster and adoptive parents.

The gut-wrenching Penn State child sex abuse scandal has one, minuscule silver lining. It got stupid Ashton Kutcher to shut up on Twitter for a while.

James O'Keefe has been lurking in journalism school hallways across the country in pursuit of his latest bombshell series "To Catch a Journalist." So far, he's blown the lid off the story that some college professors like Barack Obama and that sometimes journalists drink alcohol and use bad words. When O'Keefe attempted to confront Columbia University j-school's dean of students Sree Sreenivasan with these shocking revelations in a pantomime of Mike Wallace, Sreenivasan just laughed at the poor guy.

MSNBC has brought on noted idiot Meghan McCain as a political analyst, boosting their legacy stable of dolts spawned by famous political figures by a factor of two.

The long-awaited Meghan McCain dispatch from the front lines of Occupy Wall Street has arrived—and she supports their message! This is because she doesn't understand the mathematical concepts underlying "99%" and "1%."

Here's a brand new Herman Cain campaign ad, starring chief of staff Mark Block, that was just posted, unlisted, to his official YouTube channel. As far as we can tell, Block is drunk, and outside an Olive Garden? And the cameraman is some guy with an iPhone, also drunk, whom Block met at the bar? But, really, the horrible panning and cheap tilt-shift filter are nothing compared to what happens at the 40-second mark. Just trust us on this one, okay? We told you the guy was stupid! [via @pourmecoffee]

That's all you need to know, folks! He's not confused, or glib, or uninterested. He's stupid. Like Forest Gump. Or Sarah Palin. He doesn't understand the things that he says. We can't all be smart, or even average. And Herman Cain isn't.

There's no concrete "right" or "wrong" time or place for punching yourself in the face, it's said. Everyone has different preferences. But doing so while sitting in the back of a cop car in order to fake a police brutality claim, while a camera's filming your whole scheme, probably qualifies as a "wrong time." In this video, a man from one of those consonant-saturated European countries punching himself in the face to get out of a speeding ticket. The cop's nonchalance is endearing:

New York City's subway system has been home to naked racists, naked bathers and vicious brawls. So what's next? How about the incredibly foolish guy who was filmed clinging on for dear life while riding the J train on the outside? Oh, yes. That's what it's come to. [via Village Voice]

Sometimes, the very most basic facts of a story are all that's necessary to see the colossal outpouring of public rage that is sure to follow. As in this case! College professors: do not order a student in your class who stutters not to speak in class, ever.

Brandlink Communications is a nationwide PR firm with a minimum of two employees who are astoundingly inept: the one who sent the blogger the stupid celebrity pitch, and the one who called her a "fucking bitch," without apology.

Wolf Blitzer is "watching very closely" in Tampa, Florida tonight as he moderates a CNN/Tea Party debate between the remaining Republican presidential candidates. On the topic of healthcare, Blitzer asked Congressman Ron Paul what he'd do if an otherwise healthy 30-year-old man without health insurance needed six months of intensive care to survive: "Are you saying that society should just let him die?"

By George W. Bush's own account, "the most nervous moment" of his presidency—indeed, of his entire life—was throwing the first pitch at the 2001 World Series.

Ad hominem adultery harassment site Cheaterville.com is incensed. They wanted to run the above advertisement in the Toronto Sun during the Toronto Film Festival, but the Sun rejected them. Why ever would a newspaper reject a crude doodle of a stick-man butt-fucking a startled stick-lady atop a rectangular void with his giant club-shaped dick?

For most babysitters, taking an infant for a ride in the stroller means securing the baby in one and then gently pushing the child down the sidewalk. For Florida resident Keyona Davis, it apparently means putting the baby and stroller into a truck bed and then taking the kid for a drive on some of Daytona Beach's busiest roadways. Davis was arrested and charged with child neglect on Wednesday. Video of her bad babysitting behavior is above. [WESH]

Among the myriad things an American diplomat in a nation with a long history of colonialism and racial tension should avoid, characterizing the the locals' skin as "dirty," "dark," and like an unwashed caucasian is among the least advisable. And yet a consulate official in India made the ol' "you look dirty" joke during a visit to a Chennai school last week:

You may have thought that soothsaying mustachioed one-trick pony Tom Friedman had done his best work of the summer last week, when he achieved near-total conceptual pointlessness. Not so! Yesterday's column was an altogether masterful demonstration of Friedmania.

How can we possibly eliminate terrorism? Jennifer S. Bryson, chief sex perv at the conservative Witherspoon Institute, knows the answer: We need to study porn. Closely.

Meghan McCain would make an excellent 13-year-old. As a columnist, she is a thought-murdering demon of stupefaction. Today, she haz a sad about Barack Obama.

Guns! Guns! We need more guns! We need more people carrying guns! We need more people carrying guns outside, in public, everywhere, constantly armed! What America needs are more armed citizens in public, ready to shoot!