The University of North Carolina’s N.C. Children’s Specialty Clinic will now be known as the Krispy Kreme Challenge Children’s Specialty Clinic, named after a tasty treat that’s filled with fat and sugar and will make you obese and die.

This morning, Texas Senator Ted Cruz announced that he will run for president of the United States. This is the logical next step in Cruz's determined lifelong pursuit of status.

A moronic asshole got arrested today after he posted to Instagram a series of videos of himself terrorizing Philadelphia residents with a pellet gun disguised to look like a handgun.

This new RoboCop movie does not care that anyone might compare it unfavorably to the original 1987 RoboCop movie. It has been programmed not to care about these things. The most readily available metaphor, which is also true, is that the new movie has killed the human mind and guts of its predecessor and kept the cold mechanical body. The whole thing is flat and obvious; even its musical cues land with the clanking unsubtlety of its protagonist's metallic footsteps.

Under Armour, the sports-gear supplier of choice for people who feel Nike just isn't crass or hideous enough, is helping the Northwestern University football team pay tribute to the country's war casualties by dressing the players in a special flag-patterned uniform smeared with fake blood. If you buy one for yourself, Under Armour will donate a whole $7.49 to the Wounded Warrior Project.

Here, from the Energy and Commerce Committee of the United States House of Representatives, is a roundup of generic reaction gifs presented for the sake of convincing you and your fellow citizens that the proposed Keystone XL oil pipeline is sound public policy.

Remember how BP's relentless pursuit of profits at the expense of safety caused the Gulf of Mexico to be flooded with oil a little while ago? No. I don't remember that. Do you? Hmm. What I do remember is BP's absolutely awesome Olympic spirit!

Mike Judge's cult sci-fi comedy Idiocracy could be getting a spin-off series or possibly even a prequel if Terry Crews has anything to do with it.

Jason Cohen is a young English professor at Kentucky's Berea College. Oh Jason Cohen, what did you put on the Twitter this week???

Author Gregory Levey just revealed how his book won almost 700,000 Facebook fans, more than Brad Pitt, JK Rowling or the New York Times. His secret: Accidentally appeal to stupid people.

It's so easy to "hack" into road signs than even racists can just walk up and make the road safety displays say whatever idiotic thing pops into their head, as with these newly-hijacked signs in South Florida.

This tech news story's commenters are all demanding to be let into their Facebook accounts and complaining about Facebook's "redesign." Why? They asked Google for "Facebook Login," and the top hit was that article. No wonder they're easy scammer prey.

The brain trust at Fox & Friends is often swatting at confusing things, trying in vain to figure them out, and today was no exception. The topic was that thing that's going on in Iran with the votes or whatever.

Attractive blonde piranha Elisabeth Hasselbeck is pregnant again. She and her husband Tim Hasselbeck already have two kids, Grace, 3, and Taylor, 1. Now a third is coming. Oh lord, make it stop!

Drudge just linked to this video with the headline "Obama Kids Sing for Dear Leader." See how many seconds it takes you to throw up lunch! Produced by something called Sing For Change, it depicts a group of 5-12-year-olds singing a song about their favorite presidential candidate. "Light, hope, courage and love shine through these non-voting children who believe that their very best contribution to the Obama campaign is to sing," reads the website. After the jump, their North Korean counterparts — they are several inches shorter than their South Korean counterparts, you know — sing for their leader, and I rant briefly about What It Means.

Ameritocracy is some new blog site widget internet social networking community aggregator or something, in which people vote on things other people say and decide if they are relevant. Whatever, it's terrible. But there's a Kennedy involved! A real-life Kennedy! They had a launch party with two Kennedys! Robert Kennedy Jr and Robert Kennedy III! (Note to the Kennedys: there are other names.) Those Kennedys showed up because Bobby III is their "outreach director." And also because if there is one thing members of the Kennedy family know about, it is getting ahead in "a meritocracy." (Do you see what they did there?) Attached is the press release celebrating this revolutionary new website. Maybe they can hire Robert Kennedy IV as their proofreader?

As you stretch out on your carpet, recovering from yesterday's stuffing and cursing yourself for bringing up the abortion issue at your family's Thanksgiving dinner (for the third year in a row!), you may be pondering some of life's bigger questions. Or, you may be Style.com's illiterate stylist Blair. In that case you'd be thinking, "Hilary [Clinton] is going to have to have a make over if she is going to be our president for 4 years". And if you were lucky enough to be Blair (noted author of The hotest glasses you we ever come across in the univers), you could then publish your horribly spelled and poorly thought out slideshow on Style.com for all the world to see. Not that Blair doesn't raise some pressing points! What will Hillary wear at her "Inagaration Ball," or while "shoping for furniture for the White House?"

Not only can you live with a douche you found on Craigslist, you can also babysit a monster! "Manny or Nanny wanted for 8 year old diva," declares a Connecticut "self-employed" mom. "This is a great part-time student job for anyone with a creative side to them. We're open to a male or female nanny but my daughter likes very girly things so anyone into football, baseball, etc would probably go nuts. Most of your time would be spent driving to the skating rink in Elmsford (listening to Christina Aguilera and Rhianna) and sitting around the rink while she practices her jumps and spins, or taking her to dance lessons. I asked her what she thinks this person would be like and her list included shopping, lacing her skates, cheating on her homework, getting manicures, having lunch at Alice's Teacup in NYC. She also loves seeing ballet and modern dance (it's all about skating and dance) ... We're not looking for Mary Poppins - my kid would eat her for breakfast. If you've read the Eloise books, you'll know what you're in for." Or, like, the DSM-IV.

One has to wonder what crime Mike Judge perpetrated against Fox to make them bury Idiocracy so deep that not even Moviefone can tell you what it's called, much less where you could have found one of the 130 theaters where the studio was quietly hiding prints of the film. Fox's "we dare you to see this movie" strategy paid off handsomely, as Idiocracy pulled in $160,000 (and a "dismal" per-screen average of $1,231), a result they can say was predicted by a test audience comment card complaining, "Hey, this movie is calling us dumb! I don't like that very much. But can you really get a handjob at Starbucks? I gotta order one of those."